Well I just got back from the counselor. Here is my brief overview: We met, we went through a 15 page questionnaire. I told her about my symptoms and concerns. we identified that I meet the diagnostic criteria for ADD, and mild clinical depression. If this is mild depression then I cannot imagine how bad moderate or severe can be. But isn't it somewhat of a protection mechanism when faced with these questions when I answer in a more optimistic fashion instead of just of just throwing it out there. I wonder how many of us, or how long it takes to let our guard down and just dump it all out there for all to see? In this case the counselor...anyway.
Anyway, I admitted to drinking too much and too often. I admitted this to myself Monday and have not touched a drop since then. I LOVE being sober and being productive and having a clear mind. She asked me if I have ever considered AA, and I said yes, that I went very briefly several years ago also. When I stated that i already know what i have to do her facial expression was quite "telling." She had a look of "are you kidding me?" I have to admit that THAT seems somewhat of an aggressive method of counseling. My other therapist was more of the "therapeutic communication" style, she reserved judgment, or at least it felt that way. I guess this leaves me with deciding whether this style of counseling will work for me? She is also from the same community as me, 10,000 people, and that just seems a little close to home. I don't want to run into her in the community, this likely will prevent me from being brutally honest. And I really want to "dump" some junk on someone...LOL...you know what i mean.
After the interview she grabbed her DSM-IV and we looked at the criteria for ADD and clinical depression. This seemed very different for me. My Other counselor it seems was more interested in being therapeutic "it seems" as opposed to "let's see if we can diagnose you." I don't have a problem with that, and I do want to know where I "fit" into all of this diagnostically. I am not sure how I feel continuing on with her for reasons i have already laid out. I do believe that I want a female counselor, but I am not sure why. Maybe I think that I will open up more to a female instead of a male because us males aren't known for having these types of talks.
I do believe that the alcohol is a HUGE factor and I want to stay dry for awhile and see how it goes. Thing is, I am a musician and have to play at a big party at a local Hotel tonight. I think I can make it through without drinking, and I want to. I still have yet to see for sure whether the drinking comes before the depression OR whether it is the RESULT of depression. I understand clearly that it does complicate things ;-)
To sum up; I think her "style" of counseling may not fit me. I want to be honest and do not want to be coddled and patronized, but I also do not want to feel "guarded" anymore than I already do with dumping trash in front of someone. So just wanted to update and encourage you to respond to anything and everything as you see fit.
Thank you all for your "ear" and your help, this board is becoming pretty therapeutic to me these days! Good health and good day to all! -dB