Sorry to be posting again guys, about the same crap over and over and over. But, I'm like a broken record I guess.
I keep having these crazy anger problems. I get so mad about my current situation. Being 25 at this low level/entry level job within this company with what seems to be no opening in what I want to do in the near future at all. To improve my salary I'm going to have to get promoted to a job that I really want nothing to do with, besides just the salary increase. Not to mention that my manager at work TOTALLY sets me off. I know I have anger issues, I admit that. But she takes that short fuse and just totally takes a flamethrower to it. She talks so darn degrading and gives me the impression that I'm some kind of idiot. She doesn't know that I take so much darn pride in what I do and take this crap home with me everyday. I don't need her god darn holier then thou, I'm better then you and going to remind you of it attitude. Today I was crazy busy during the closing minutes at work and I JUST LITERALLY FINISHED helping a customer and I am starting to prove out my drawer. I have her right in my ear like "Are you done?". So me lacking the very good suave social skills, I just respond with a "no" as I keep looking over my work and keep trying to prove out. Then she asks me again with an attitude and I'm like "no" because I'm still trying to focus on what I'm doing. Then she's like "Well that's great....." and says something else but I tuned her out. She hates when I give the one word answers but god darnit, I'm WORKING! It's not like I'm sitting there killing time, can't you see I'm actively busy and am trying to figure it out? And I don't mind the questions, but why the attitude and the degrading tone? I don't need that crap. I'm a 25 yr old man, speak to me that way. I'm a person I'm not your slave. I'm so tired of working for her it's getting to the piont where I almost always give her a cold shoulder all the time now, I can't help it because it's so hard for me to bring myself to show any kind of respect for someone who literally shows me close to none.
So yea, these are my stresses right now. Along with the fact that I am still dealing with some episodes of depersonalization and sleeping problems as well. I had a good long talk with my dad today after work about everything, something I really haven't done because I try to tell myself to just suck up all the stress and deal with it like a man. But it felt good to just vent and let all of my crazy frustrations out there and bounce it off of somebody. He said he thinks that I have to work on controlling my anger/quick responses and just take a minute to respond. That might help, but it still doesn't help the fact that I feel like I have no future in the career I'm in.
And all of these retarded issues are not doing wonders for my depression. This might sound crazy though, but atleast I'd rather be grumpy/angry then feel sorry for myself/depressed. This part of me feels more like the "old me" which I'm taking as a positive sign. Granted I have tow ork on the anger issues, but atleast it shows I got a lil fight left in the tank.