Rehashing old hurts

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WinterGarden
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 4/8/2011 2:52 PM (GMT -6)   
I've spent the past 2 weeks going over and over the end of both of my marriages. They both ended with my wives infidelity. The last marriage ended 12 years ago. I moved past the devastation years ago. But now its back, and I can't stop ruminating and crying. I'm so morbidly obese now, new relationships are out of the question.

What can I do to snap out of this crushing funk?

Post Edited (WinterGarden) : 4/10/2011 4:57:21 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 4/8/2011 3:35 PM (GMT -6)   
WinterGarden,

You have to focus on your health right now. Do this for you. Get busy working on losing weight, working or whatever you do and forget about the past. What your past wives did was wrong. That doesn't mean that there is anything to do with what you did or didn't do. They were just plain wrong. They were bad and I feel that you are blaming yourself. Like "how could they do this to me?" "How could they do it to anybody?" What they did, they would have done to whoever they were with. So try not to take it so personal. Know that you aren't to blame, they are.

Now for getting you to move forward... Do you have a counselor or psychiatrist? You need to get one or the other, or both. Have you been to see your doctor lately? I think you should talk to your doctor about a diet change or seeing a nutritionist. You need to eat healthy and set up some type of exercise program. Even if it is only walking. In my opinion, walking does the trick. And it doesn't have to be much in the beginning, because you will gradually work yourself up to walk more. I am just going up the street and back for now. And I haven't gone every single day. But have been a few times since the snow melted enough to go up the street. You might just walk around your yard or out in a parking lot. Just as long as you start moving. The more that you move the more energy you will have.

I hope that you can start doing some proactive things for your mental and physical health. Life is short. You need to live it, and live it happily. You deserve that much so do yourself that favor.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

WinterGarden
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 4/8/2011 5:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Your right, they would have betrayed anyone they were married to. They were poor choices as mates. One had affairs while I was on deployment. The other began an affair with a member of her congregation (she was a minister). Neither could handle temptation well. I was too quick to choose who I married.

I have a counselor and a psychiatrist. I'm on both cymbalta and lamotrigine.

I've been blaming the meds for weight gain and apathy. But If I want to change my life I need to stop making excuses.

Thanks

Paige

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 4/8/2011 7:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Paige,

Know that you are a good person. Don't regret your past either. Just chalk it up to a learning experience. We may get wronged many times in our lives. But we are still good people and deserve to be happy.

The meds can cause weight gain. It is hard to fight. Wellbutrin is good for weight loss. If you can tolerate it. It can make you nervous at high doses. And cymbalta is a hard medication to go off of, but not impossible. You could discuss this with your psychiatrist.

Just don't give up. The more we do, the more that we are able to do. It is just that starting point that is so hard. Take it gradually. Slowly try to get your lifestyle changed with eating and trying to move around. And know that you aren't alone. We are here to cheer you on. Plus there are many of us that would like to lose weight. I gained 50 pounds when I got fibromyalgia. I have been drinking lemon water and cut out pop and that is gradually helping me. There is no quick fix. It is all work and persistance. As they say, "nothing good comes easy". But know you aren't alone in this, and you are still young. You never know what lies around the corner. Good things can and will happen in life. It is just the bumps in the road in between. Keep your chin up and your mind open. I am really glad that you have joined us.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

WinterGarden
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 4/10/2011 5:54 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm trying to take care of myself and I'm slipping. I've had 3 - 4 hours of sleep each of the past 3 nights. It's 4am and I haven't gone to bed yet. I'm obsessed with reading online about other people's pain from unfaithful wives. I don't know why I'm hurting myself like this. It just brings back all the agony of my last marriage. I just want to go outside and scream and cry. But the marriage ended 12 years ago. Everyone else has moved on. Is depression like this?

Paige

Post Edited (WinterGarden) : 4/10/2011 4:58:43 AM (GMT-6)


theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20282
   Posted 4/10/2011 5:58 AM (GMT -6)   
i too have put on weight for similar reasons and it is effecting and affecting my health terribly. i have been reminded that i am a good bloke, caring and compassionate, thus i too am getting out of this funk. and i will do it one day at a time. keep strong, here for ya, jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 4/10/2011 6:28 AM (GMT -6)   
12 years is a long time to be hanging onto the past. Please see somebody professional about moving forward. You can still have a life, it isn't too late. And it can be a good one. Keep trying to move forward, and please get a counselor or a psychiatrist to help you.

Hope that this helps some.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 4/10/2011 12:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, so sorry you are hurting. Change is hard but usually for the better when you are committed to have a better life, feel better, etc. Start small but be persistant. Weight problems? Change your diet. Not all at once, but slowly replacing bad food (caffeine, alcohol, sugar, processed food, junk food) with good whole food. Every other day, do at least 10 - 15 minutes of physical exercise or just walk. Two website that offer some really good "food for thought" on taking care of yourself and letting go of the past: Attitudinal Healing (Dr. Jerry Jamosky (spelling?) and DoctorYourself (Andrew Saul).

We all make bad choices in life, let it go or it will make for a miserable life. The past is gone and has no power over you anymore unless you let it. The future is not here yet, so what can you do to make it better than where you are in your life right now?

So lets see where you could end up in the near future: healthier, slimmer, more wise about choosing a mate, happier? Those sound like good choices to me. They can be done, I am living proof.

I have faith in you but you must have faith in yourself. Nothing is impossible, nothing.

Good luck to you, sending good vibes your way.

Gem
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