You have always tried to be what everyone else wants you to be? My question is why? I am thinking you do not know yourself very well. Or trust yourself.
I think we all hit those "phases" where our whole life feels wrong and the complete opposite sounds so appealing. Usually when everything in our life is completely out of whack, you are right. What is out of whack is you!
Work on yourself and everything else usually falls into place. No one else can tell you how or where to start, only you know that.
Soul Searching my dear, soul searching.