Posted 4/13/2011 4:00 PM (GMT -6)
Figured I'd check in, it's been a couple of days without any word from me and that's definetly not allowed to happen lol.
I've been hangin in there for the most part, just trying not to listen to that little voice in my head that keeps saying "I feel weird, I feel like I'm floating/watching myself". My moods have been up and down, at times work can be great, at other times it drives me so nuts that I contemplate quitting. As far as after work activities I really don't have many. Once a week, tonight actually, I joined an exercise training program that my job sponsors so it's something to do and be social with I guess. I find myself being grumpy during the majority of that too though lol.
I visited with my therapist last night, and he made a comment that really irritated me. I didn't let him know it at the time, but I thought about walking out whenhesaid it. I have an appointment with him next thursday and I'm going to hash out his arrogant ass comment when I walk in, or maybe thinking of just giving up on this guy because of it.
In my therapy sessions I was venting and talking about my feelings about working with my family business, about growing up in my family, etc. Then came the question that he asked me about why am I so against medicine for depression? And I told him that I just can't accept the fact that I'm weak and have to depend on these drugs from the age of 25 until the rest of my life, I look at it as if I failed. This arrogant SOB says "That sounds like something an ignorant italian immigrant would say". I then replied "Thats what my family is, especially my grandparents" and he says "I know that's why I said it". At the time I was pretty angry about it, but I guess in the middle of me wanting to feel better I conitnued to still ask for tips or try and talk about other stuff to figure out what is triggering my problems. Needless to say, the rest of the session went to crap.
Now after the session, I keep thinking of what he said to me. And it makes me madder and madder everytime I think of it. I look at it like this, the arrogance of this guy....to sit there and call my family ignorant immigrants? To blame my family for all of my confidence issues/etc? I seriously get myself so mad that I want to go back there and tear this guys office apart. Imagine if I had said to him that he comes from a family of ignorant immigrant people and thank god you got out of their business or else you would have wound up just like them. Drives me nuts how he or anybody thinks that they can talk to somebody like that. I know my anger problems and I know I hold grudges, I honestly don't know how I'm going to about this conversation with him because I tendto stay angry. If I bring it up at the start of the session I'm probably just going to continue to have an attitude the entire time. I think that just speaks volumes to what kind of dickhead the guy really is, atleast in my opinion.