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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 4/16/2011 1:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Well these last couple of days have been roller coaster like to say the least.  I can go from being in a pretty good mood, to stressed out of my freakin mind, to feelings of unreality, to out of body experiences, back to feeling decent again, then right through the cycle all over again.  I know this is probably because of my amazingly bad habit I fell into this last year or so of judging how I'm feeling/thinking.  I find myself very frustrated at a lot of things, and a lot of things that i can't really change.  The fact that I'm 25 and really don't have any sort of career path set.  The fact that I'm single, the fact that as I'm getting older my friends are starting to distance a bit.  (I dont think this is really just me, I think this is just kind of how it goes).  The fact that I'm in a job right now in which I am not really that happy with, but it is providing some income though so I can't realy afford to leave it.  Things I think about constantly are how do I get out of this miserable cycle of working in a job that i really don't like and coming home and just lying around the house watching tv shows or complaining?
I was up late last night and was watching an informercial on anxiety/depression (no I didnt buy anything lol) but one point they made that I do agree with was that they had people on there that sounded a lot like me.  They were saying when they were having their bad times witha nxiety/depression they were told to do anythinga nd to stay active.  Well that's what I started doing, now that's what I still do mostly.  I just try and do everything and anything to try and keep myself busy if I can.  This has resulted in buying stupid things that I don't use, stupid games that I don't play, or investing in gyms or workout gear that I really don't need.  Examples would be just going to sports authority and buying some stuff in the afternoon just to get out of the house and to kill an hour.  My finances are really in the crapter lately because of this.  But the imfomercial said that you have to get to a point where you again feel like "Doing nothing is ok".  I feel now that when I'm sitting around and watching a show and just vegging out, that I'm WASTING time or that I'm SICK or DEPRESSED.  It might not even be the case, but that's whta goes through my head when I lie down and try to relax.  You can see how self defeating that kind of mindset is when I'm just trying to relax.
I'm trying to work on all this stuff and this therapist now just keeps booking me for weekly appointments.  He really pissed me off last session by referring to my family as ignorant italian immigrants.  I still think he's a smart guy, but tha twas an arrogant statement.  Combine that with the fact that I have to keep paying this therapist 40 a week I'm thinking more and more that I might ask him to go on a semi weekly basis.  160 a month for talk therapy is A LOT.  I need to start being smart about my money.
I have classes that I signed up for starting up this summer and again in the fall.  I'm praying that I can actually succeed and do well in school this time around.  I always seem to lose focus, lose interest, and drop out.  I really need to find a career in something I like, and I'm really hoping I can find what I'm looking for by making this change of majors in the university in which I already have an associates with.
Just spending a lot of time thinking  how strange I feel though.  How I feel like I'm not even here and like my head is floating or something.  Really strange crap.  Only one thing I can do though I guess, keep on keeping on.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42206
   Posted 4/16/2011 3:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Mike,

It sounds like your head is in the right place as far as taking classes and such. Do you think you will stick it out? At least you are trying. And I think that is good. It is getting close to summer now, you can start fishing and stuff again. That doesn't cost too much. Do you have a boat? I think that in actuality you are doing good. And for that I am happy. I think it will come to be realized by you too. The changes are very subtle. Don't underestimate yourself.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20113
   Posted 4/17/2011 4:20 AM (GMT -6)   
keep strong miker. here for you, jamie.


Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 387
   Posted 4/17/2011 4:45 AM (GMT -6)   
I am having these little ephonies(sp) about myself and discoverinng myself every day. It is a good thing that you are having these. It doesn't happen overnight and be patient with yourself. Let the therapist know that you were angry with him for talking about your family like that. My therapist said something similar and it bothered me to the point that I did not see her for two weeks. I needed to process what she said and how I was going to handle it. Keep plugging away at it. Your life is already changing.
Take care,

New Member

Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/17/2011 5:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Same boat as you Mike, feeling empty and struggling. I think its a good idea to focus on one thing at a time, maybe if we can make one thing in our life better, we'd slowly see an improvement.
Take care
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