my stepdaughter

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

doglover4
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 4/17/2011 9:09 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi. It is doglover4 here. I haven't posted for a while because things aorund here have not been good. Over the past six months things with my stepdaughter have gotten considerably worse. So bad that she packed her things and wnet back to her mothers. To cut a long story short she and her boyfriend egged there principals house and it has gone downhill from there. We gave her a punishment and she pretty much didn't stick to it and when other responsibilities were not met we grounded her from her boyfriend for a week(because that's the only thing she would pay attention to) and then she left. I don't really want her to come back after she did this. My husband and I have not only done alot financially for her but I have been thrown into motherhood with a 16 year old girl that I really don't like. My husband is willing to give her another chance but my gut says I don't want her to come back. What should I do can somebody help me!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42439
   Posted 4/17/2011 9:29 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Doglover,

I love dogs too. have two.

I would think if your husband wants her to get another chance, I would tell him okay but make some rules. It is hard to be a stepmom. I know. I have been though it. But she is your husbands flesh and blood. So there is a bond there. And going against him might mess up your marriage. I guess though it depends on your relationship with him as to how you are going to approach this. I would hate to see your marriage fall apart over the stepdaughter. Give it a try, but set some firm rules. It sounds like she is way out of control. Have you thought about counseling for her? Maybe make that one of the rules. She neeeds some guidance and some set rules I think.

I hope that things get better for you. If you are feeling down, come here. We are more than happy to help you the best we can. Don't avoid coming here when you need to.

Best wishes

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 4/17/2011 9:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Tough Love Rules! Your House, Your Rules..Make them! And know you are doing the right thing. Teenagers can spot weakness in adults in a flash. You are the parent, not their best friend.

Gem

doglover4
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 4/18/2011 5:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, it is doglover here and I thank everybody for their advice. My stepdaughter has been at her moms for a week now because she is not ready to come talk to my husband and i yet. I feel that she is still a child and should not be making all the decisions and making us wait until she is ready. We are all a part of this not just her. She has a real problem with authority figures in her life and I think that that is one of her biggest problems. Before she left we grounded her from her boyfriend and that is when she left. Everybody seems to be treating her with kid gloves. I think that she should come back here and face her problems. Let me know what you guys think.
 
Doglover4

Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 4/18/2011 5:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Treating a teenager with kid gloves? Talking to the wrong mom here. Think down the road, is she just going to drop out everytime she doesn't get her way? I am a tough mom, she would be doing volunteer work all summer, like Mobile Meals, nursing home, etc., let her get a good look at real life.

Don't know what the whole situation is, but maybe she is better off with mom now, unless mom gives into every little whim.

You are at the "rock and a hard place."

Good luck, have faith things will work out, they usually do.

Gem

doglover4
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 4/20/2011 5:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Doglover4 here. When it comes to my stepdaughter and her packing her things and going to her moms I am still really angry. She cannot run away from her problems or punishments all the time. Right now I feel that she is trying to get everybody to feel sorry for her by saying that she has problems that she has to deal with. She didn't have any problems before we grounded her. She has not even contacted or called my husband and I think that that is really bad. We took her away from that "terrible" enviroment at her moms and now she has gone back to that. It has been really nice without her here . I know that sounds bad but there is no stress. I feel really scared to tell my husband how I really feel because he really gets mad. He is caught in the middle. He feels that if she stays at her moms and she runs away or goes down that wrong path that he didn't dp enough for her but I feel as if we have done more than enough and she is not appreciating any of it. My stepdaughter makes my husband feel really guilty that we were not there for her when she needed us. We always have talks with her and she just sits there and says nothing. I really wish that I could have the confidence to say that I don't want her back but if I do and anything happens to her it is on my shoulders. The atmosphere around here is so much better when she is not here because my husband and I sometimes disagree on punishments and rules. When she is not here we don't have to worry about that. I am so torn I wish I didn't have to deal with this. confused

Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 4/20/2011 5:59 AM (GMT -6)   
You are in a difficult position.  You should not feel guilty for the way you feel.  Who would not feel better with less stress?  I hope you can find a way to deal with this situation.  I know it is weighing heavy on you.  I guess you just have to have faith that things will work out.  It is a touchy subject when dealing with someone else's child.
 
Try and enjoy your day and not worry so much about it, easier said than done.
 
Maybe the three of you could get some counseling?  If the daughter is not willing to open up though................
 
I really believe teenagers watch so much crap on TV, all the trauma and drama, that it kind of warps their relationship with reality.  Just a theory.
 
Send good vibes your way.
 
Gem
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, June 23, 2018 11:42 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,974,659 posts in 326,195 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161293 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, UnknownBlueLight.
294 Guest(s), 0 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details