Help with my life.

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

mandibabe
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/17/2011 7:25 PM (GMT -6)   
I am Amanda from Florida 27 years old with one strange life. I moved back to Florida 2 years ago and I wish I didn't but that is a different story. Lately things have been going rough. I recently finally got a job after a year and a half of taking care of my 20 month old son. My husband was relieved when I got a job. It is at a Call center for Verizon Wireless. I only been there 4 months until they pull laid off on us all. I barely have any experience and was finally getting the hang of it. I was happy to finally be helping out my husband. We are supporting my twin and her child and of course her man. One they both had a record of stealing so it's been hard to keep them looking for work. They been living off us for a year. My twin finally got a job but she is already complaining of the long hours only been four days. My husband and I fight over them and the stress of the money. I am depressed also because 6 months ago my sister was depressed about how her man does not show her love or sex anymore. So she had to blab it all to my husband and drinking her ass off and I guess he was drinking and he was trying to help her and she just got worse and starting crying and he was joking about maybe she can find someone else if she is not happy. He then said something of the line "I'd offer you my services but I know how your family are about secrets" and walked away. I found out and almost left him, he said he did not mean what he said. He was just trying to make her life and that he would not do anything like that to ruin what we have. He has never done anything like that before he has always been good to me. I am also just hoping to find a job before I get laid off and get the hell out of this house and have a normal life again and the hardest part is my husband is away for the month in the army no communication and I can not let out my feelings with him. I am afraid for our son that it is going to be a rough life, I am lost. help.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 4/18/2011 4:34 AM (GMT -6)   
definately a lot going on. i try and write stuff down. helps get it out of your head. sorry about being laid of, this sucks, i hope you find something soon. mandibabe try and take one thing at a time, can you slow down your thoughts in some way, maybe reading, solitaire, music etc. i feel you need some time out. try and talk with your man, 1 method is the 30 min me, 30 minute you. you start 30 mins, ask questions read, say what you like, the other person can't but in, then he has his time. it helps. keep well and safe, i can see it is a busy household. but try and make some time for you. with compassion, jamie.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 4/18/2011 7:48 AM (GMT -6)   
I think it is time for you and your husband and son to have a life of your own. You can't continue to support these other people in your life. It is called tough love. If they were stealing, they have to build up trust again and be able to support themselves. You can't continue to let this get in the way of your relationship with your husband. They have to go out on their own and make a life for themselves. Are you seeing a counselor? It would do you some good as you are obviously depresses. Take the steps to help yourself. Your daughter, her husband and child can get help through social services to get a house and some money and food. It is not you and your husband's responsibility.

Make a list of what is good in your life and what is bad. Compare the two sides. You will see where the problem lies. Then it is time to take action and get your life straight.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

mandibabe
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/18/2011 7:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Yeah. thanks guys I wish it was that easy here in this crazy house. It is not that easy to get rid of them since they would not have anywhere to go if we did kick them out. As far as help they are helping with foodstamps. They do not try to better themselves they live off beer most of the time. I just wish I never moved in with them but now everything is rocky. With me and my husband fighting it does not help he is going away for a year in the army soon. My sister is just a depressed person who tries to make me buy beer for her all the time and if I don't she makes me feel bad and cries at me all night.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 4/18/2011 8:50 PM (GMT -6)   
It sounds to me like they are using you. Don't let her make you feel bad when you don't buy them beer. You are going to have to put a foot down and put a stop to it. Or are you going to put up with it for years to come? If they are laying a guilt trip on you now, it is only going to get worse with time. What about you moving out? Is that a solution? Get a small place for just you and your husband. Leave them behind. They obviously get money, they can drink. They can pay the rent. I don't really know what to tell you in how to cope with this situation. I don't know all the circumstances and how close you are or how much you are willing to do for family. You do know that when you buy them alcohol, you are enabling them. Do you see a counselor? You might want to to get some help with assertiveness in this situation. It is hard to tell somebody to leave, but surely there is somewhere that they could go. If it is effecting your wellbeing, you need to get them out of there.

Best wishes with this difficult situation.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

mandibabe
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/19/2011 5:45 PM (GMT -6)   
cant afford a counselor and last counselor I had did not listen to me

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 4/20/2011 5:45 AM (GMT -6)   
check with your local mental health centre for fee-sliding scale therapists in your area. hoping this helps. take care, jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

g-girl
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/20/2011 6:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Mandi - I'm going to be direct because I'm hoping that you will hear what I'm going to say to you. You said, "It is not that easy to get rid of them since they would not have anywhere to go if we did kick them out." You are being what is known as being an enabler. In other words by not kicking them out you are allowing them to continue not taking responsibility. You don't think that if you gave them 30 days notice and made sure they knew you meant it, they wouldn't find a place to live? If I were you I'd tell them that they need to find their own place and they have 30 days to do it, that you will help them look if they want but that at the end of 30 days they must move out. You'll be helping them more than hurting them.

I wish you the best.

gillian
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Thursday, June 21, 2018 6:13 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,974,286 posts in 326,165 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161235 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Elizabeth Weaver.
388 Guest(s), 12 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
SantaZia, mattamx, Artist Mark, sandyfeet, Donjr, Sr Sailor, The Dude Abides, Elizabeth Weaver, Tudpock18, FLBeachgal, LJohn23, straydog