What is wrong with me?

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JohnnyP93
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/17/2011 11:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello,

I think I suffer from some severe problems that are destroying my life.

1. Why do I lie about everything?
I have been lying since i was young I am 18 years old now it started it out as just little kid stuff but over the years i started lying to make myself sounds "cooler" in a sense and then started lying about things that i was capable then it evolved to currently lying about every thing literally even things that i wouldnt even need to lie about such as my mom would ask did you leave that plate there and i would just say no or she would ask me questions and i would just idk its not mine or it wasnt me. I dont want to lie i just do its like saying a lie is more comfortable than just telling the truth.

2. Why do I steal so much?
I started stealing when i was about 8 the first thing i stole was a pen from the store this has since grown to a compulsive stealing, I steal from anyone and everyone without caring I hate myself for this and don't want to be like this if I go to a store I will steal something even if its just a candy bar or something stupid I steal money from my parents I steal valuables from people and everything I have an obsession for stealing and i don't know why and I hate it so much



4. Why am I stuck in my head?
Another problem that I have is that I can not express my feelings I feel extreme discomfort when confronted about my personal life no matter who it is, I have trouble making conversations with people and don't understand how everyone else is so outgoing and can come up with conversations so much like they do I am just unable to do this I am extremely anti-social.

5. Why don't I care about anything?
I have noticed that I just don't care about anything anymore and have no motivation to do anything, I dont care about the way people feel, I dont think before I do things that I should clearly know not to do but i just do these things.

Other problems that I have:
I feel like everyone is better than me
I am underweight
I feel that everyone is judging me and I don't live up to the standards of others
I am extremely self conscious,
I hate myself, I hate life,
I feel that there is no point to even try and make my life better.
When I get angry I say things to hurt to hurt that person even my mom and I have said some things to hurt her and I think she hates me now.
I never apologize for anything I do and this has made my mom hate me more.

I feel like there isn't anyone that cares about me anymore and I have pushed everyone away and there is nothing I can do to fix it anymore.

All I have ever had was my mother to be there for me and all i did was lie to her steal from her and now she doesn't want me anymore she told me today that the only reason she hasn't kicked me out is because my younger brothers wouldn't understand why and she doesn't want to tell them everything I have done.

Just today me and my mom got into an argument about me getting bird food by accident when i was supposed to get guinea pig food she got mad that I didn't apologize and she started yelling at me and i told her im not gunna apologize to her if shes gunna yell at me and she got more mad and she got in my face and I pushed her back down onto her bed and she got back up and yelled more so I pushed her again and then she punched in the side of my head under my ear so I slammed her into her door and dislocated her arm.

the only person i had left to talk to was my nana(grandmother) but she passed away in may '2010 I freaked out on that day and wanted to kill the paramedics for not saving her ever since then I felt horrible because I never really came to her house recently she only live 2 mintues walking away and i dont even remember the last time i told her "i love you".

My father died before I was born (2 weeks prior) he hung himself because he was going to jail for 1 year for something that wasn't his fault and my mother said she wouldn't bring me into a prison to see him.

I dont know what to do with myself I am in counseling but I cant open up to them i dont know why or how or what do anymore.

Is living really even worth it when i've created such a bad reputation for myself already and made so many people hate me and stop believing me and not know what to do with me.

please help....

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 4/18/2011 7:26:10 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42431
   Posted 4/18/2011 7:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi There,

Welcome to the depression forum. You seem to have a lot of problems right now with anger, lieing and stealing. Also drugs, but we aren't allowed to talk about that so I had to edit your post.

I suggest you find a counselor to talk about this to and be completely honest or it wont do you any good. The constant lieing, I don't know, I have seen people like that and they never change. They always lie and exagerate things. It bothers me because when a person is like that, I don't like talking to them because I know I can't believe anything that they say, so it is a waste of my time. I hope that you don't get to that point. Then you have to learn that you can't have everything that you want. So you have to stop stealing and earn your money. Earning it makes us feel good.

So I would contact a counselor and tell them everything that you told us. Be completely honest, please.

Best wishes, Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 4/18/2011 8:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Johnny. Welcome to Healing Well. You are right, it does sound like you have several issues that you need to work on. But what is good, is that you are aware of it. Communicating it in a calm and rational way seems to be quite difficult for you and that is something that I can relate to. I know many times I have problems even figuring out how I am feeling never mind figuring out how to say it.

But the thing is, you just did say it. Another similarity we have. I often have problems letting things out with a therapist, but I certainly have no problem writing it. And what is also good about writing is it is non-judgmental. You can just lay it all out on paper and it is what it is. I have even found that it can help me literally drain my anger from my body and put it onto the paper.

In my humble opinion, if you truly want to get help for all the issues you discussed, perhaps you should just print out your posting and bring it with you to your next therapy session if you already have a therapist. Or if you do not have one I believe it is something that you should consider. A therapist would give you such support and guidance in working through all the issues you listed.

I hope you can find some peace by getting the help you need. If you would like to keep posting, please feel free. Our goal is to help each other feel better.

Cass

Post Edited (CassandraLee) : 4/18/2011 8:30:13 PM (GMT-6)

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