Hi. I am brand new here, seeking help for my marriage.
This is rather hard to explain but I will do my best.
My husband of 20 yrs and I have always had a difficult marriage.
Everything always has been good as long as life is going well. As soon as we hit a speed bump in life, he goes blank. This has caused uncountable fights between us. I have always had to make all the decisions and choices about
everything. I am now ashamed of the things I said to him during those fights.
3 months ago it finally hit me. I thought he had the early stage of Alzheimer. After going to see a Dr and then several specialist we now know that he has chronic severe depression. The Drs feel he has had this for many years.
Thankfully we got lucky with the right med right away - kind of.
And this is the issue that brings me here.
This may seem funny or non important to some people, but to me it is very important.
How do I know what is his depression and what is him just being a man
The med has majorly helped with his temper, but there is still many issues.
Examples, he won't do anything without me telling him to. I mean anything! Take the dog out, eat, get up, go to work. He won't even do fun things unless I tell him to, fishing, hunting, watch a movie.
He says his brain is a blur and that his brain is fried. He must tell me this 4 to 6 times a week.
Let me give you a step by step example. We rented a rug cleaner machine. I told him to take it back last Tuesday. I got really sick with a bug and have been mostly in bed since then. I come out to the dinning room tonight and there is the machine! I blow up. He passed this machine and had to step around it at least 50 times in the past few days. He says "my brain is fried".
OK so what is the depression and what is him just being a man?
He never pays me a complement. I mean I could put on a wedding gown and he would say nothing. I asked him why, he says "I don't notice anything any different my brain is fried".
I could go on and on, but hopefully you get the general idea.
My friends complain about
such behavior from their spouses. Maybe not to this degree. So how do I know what is depression that I just need to deal with and what is him just being a man that needs his wife to adjust his attitude?
Also his Dr looks to me to find out how he is doing. I am not sure as I don't know what is the depression.
Also since I am sick right now I want to ask another question. When I have any health issue he runs. I mean he RUNS!!! I had to have emergency surgery and he took me to the hospital and as soon as the Dr said I needed surgery, he left me. He came back three days later to pick me up!!
ANY medical issue I have he gets mean and nasty with me or acts like there is nothing wrong. Like he won't say how are you feeling or help me in any way.
Is this a typical action of a depressed person. Or is he being a jacka*s?
PS: I have a lot more questions about
depression and marriage but will save those for another time.
Post Edited (Ira) : 4/22/2011 12:29:41 AM (GMT-6)