hopefully a step in the right direction

New Topic Locked Topic Printable Version
106 posts in this thread.
Viewing Page :
 1  2  3  4  5 
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

LNichole87
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 226
   Posted 4/22/2011 6:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Well I'm hoping today was a step in the right direction. I had an appointment at a behavioral health care center today and got a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder & borderline personality disorder. I know I've had issues with anxiety but not sure what the borderline personality disorder is. Here's hoping though! :)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42438
   Posted 4/22/2011 7:42 PM (GMT -6)   
At least now you know what you are dealing with and you can face it head on. I am glad that you got a diagnosis. You can look it up on the internet and find out more about it. And remember, borderline. So you may only have a couple of traits or near traits. But you can also talk to your doctor about it and learn more and why he feels the way that he does.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
 
http://www.bing.com/health/article/mayo-126141/Borderline-personality-disorder?q=borderline+personality+disorder
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 4/22/2011 9:37 PM (GMT -6)   
posted a message on bi-polar about borderline personality disorder. had a dx of it for many, many years. jamie. keep strong.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

LNichole87
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 226
   Posted 5/6/2011 6:15 AM (GMT -6)   
I didnt think it would feel like such a long time between my intake appt and my first therapy & med appts. By the time the get here, it will be 3 weeks! ugh! This past week or two have been extremely hard for me. I was told by some of my biological family that, after I made the 3 hour drive, they didn't want to see me. I'm still having a hard time with grief and with Easter already and now Mother's day and the one year anniversary of Deb's death is coming up, saying I've been a mess is an extreme understatement! For the last 4 days, my anxiety has been at such a high level my stomach hurts so bad I can't keep anything done food wise and my hands shake so bad its hard to hold anything with a normal grasp.
One good thing though is that my supervisor, who brings her dog Skippy Jon Jones (he has the ears just like the cat in the book lol) who is in training to be a certified therapy dog. She let me borrow him last night and this morning I actually woke up smiling! :) He's all of a super heavy 4 pounds lol and the sweetest little dog. For the first time in almost a week, my hands aren't shaking, my stomach isn't killing me, and no racing thoughts to start the day. Here's hoping it lasts throughout the whole day! :)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42438
   Posted 5/6/2011 6:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Kudos fro the therapy dog Skippy Jon Jones!!! Maybe you need a pet. But they are a lot of responsiblility. Borrow Skippy from time to time if you can't have a pet of your own. I want to volunteer at the local shelter, but until I can do enough with my dogs, I wont. But pets can lower our blood pressure among other things. They give unconditional love.

I am sorry that you made that three hour drive for nothing. That must have been devastating. We can't choose our biological family, but we can choose to stay away from them. And maybe you should. That must of really hurt sweetie. And I am sorry. Keep your chin up and know that we all love you here.
 
I remember when I was younger, my half sister came to visit, and our bio mom told her to leave.  It was so sad, our mother had schitzophrenia and was bipolar.  It was so sad, I cried so hard. 

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

LNichole87
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 226
   Posted 5/8/2011 4:35 PM (GMT -6)   
I would love to have a pet but living on the 3rd floor makes it really hard. With the dog around though, my anxiety decreased dramatically and the racing thoughts lessened. The unconditional love I think is the biggy. After last weekend with my biological family & all the stuff in the past with my mother and father, the unconditional love has been missing.

I have had a rough day today because my mind is conflicted.. Do I call my mother and wish her Happy Mother's day or just forget it? After last weekend, I'm not sure what to do and afraid of getting a similar reaction & getting hurt even more..

On top of that, it's the first mother's day without Debbie... we always got together the day before Mother's day and had dinner or went to a movie. We did it the day before so she could spend the day of with her biological kids and it wouldn't mess up their plans. I've hidden most of the weekend behind "work" by doing a combo of hospice for a lil guy & babysitting his new lil brother. I was at his house from Friday right after school until about 1pm today.

The 3 weeks are finally up and I have my first therapy appt on Tuesday and med appt on Friday. I don't understand why they didnt start me on meds during the intake appt & then have the 3 weeks & then an appt to see how the meds are working but at least its finally here! This past week has been horrible with anxiety.. Wasn't able to eat and keep it down until late Friday night.. & just havnt wanted to eat at all

Hugs! Happy Mother's Day to everyone here Hope your having a great day. I don't know about where you are but it is nice & warm outside here, slightly breezy but still pretty out

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42438
   Posted 5/8/2011 5:25 PM (GMT -6)   
It was a beautiful day here. The weather was really nice and sunny. Did a lot of walking with my girlfriend and our dogs. Really enjoyed it.

Have you thought about helping at an animal shelter or even just visiting the dogs and walking one now and then? It seems that it really helps you to have a dog around once in a while. I have two dogs, and they are my life. One is 15 years old. She was supppose to be pitbull and german shepherd, but I think she is australian cattledog and maybe some pitbull because she is brindle. She is so sweet. The other is a german shepherd. She is 16 months old. She is still like a puppy. But they are known to relax us and bring down blood pressure. It is a medical fact. So keep that in mind or borrow your friends dog once in a while.

I don't know if I would put myself through calling your mom and maybe having her treat you badly. You don't deserve that. I wouldn't put myself through it again. Maybe send her a card or something where you don't have to see her reaction. I would hate for her to hurt you more.

I hope that you can find another friend like Deb someday. I can see how special she was to you. Just try to remember the good times. Keep that in your heart. I sure do hope that you feel better soon.

Good luck with your therapy. Let us know how it goes.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

LNichole87
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 226
   Posted 5/8/2011 7:54 PM (GMT -6)   
I figured I will have to just borrow my friend's dog for now. Not much extra time to go to the shelter. I would love to have a german shepherd!

I decided to not call my mother. My anxiety is too high to be able to handle any disappointment right now.

I was able to take some flowers out to the cemetary a little earlier. I wasn't sure if I would be able to handle doing it. I'm trying to remember the good times. It's been hard to keep the negative/sad thoughts away though.

Any suggestions on how to reduce anxiety going into my appointments this week? Therapy has always been portrayed as negative and 'giving up'. I know thats not true but its hard to get it out of my head.

Thanks!
Hugs, Nichole

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 5/8/2011 8:11 PM (GMT -6)   
wishing you well with it, (therapy) jamie. keep strong.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

LNichole87
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 226
   Posted 5/8/2011 8:15 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks jamie! :)

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 5/8/2011 10:23 PM (GMT -6)   
smilewinkgrin   smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

LNichole87
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 226
   Posted 5/8/2011 10:33 PM (GMT -6)   
How do you know who to share your diagnosis with? I thought I had a pretty good support system among my friends but after I let them know about my diagnosis, I've lost two friends and a couple others have pulled away :/ (Racing thoughts are horrible tonight so tryin to get some out so theyll go away hopefully..)

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 5/8/2011 10:43 PM (GMT -6)   
that is wrong and sad, sorry about that. i had the same happen to me 20 plus yrs ago, (getting old!!) what they need is educating on the subject. try and calm your mind nicole, deep slow breathes, think of a happy place. keep posting. you will get through this. with compassion, jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

LNichole87
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 226
   Posted 5/8/2011 10:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Whats emotionally unstable personality disorder if you dont mind me askin

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 5/8/2011 11:01 PM (GMT -6)   
it is borderline personality disorder with a twist!!!! i was dx with borderline personality disorder for around 11 yrs, then i stopped with the s/h and attempts ..........therefore re dx with emotionally unstable personality disorder. still borderline, but type 2-because of the above and because of less disassociation and manipulation as well. and less hospitalisations. well none for a few yrs. hoping this helps. jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

LNichole87
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 226
   Posted 5/8/2011 11:10 PM (GMT -6)   
It makes a lil sense I'll have to re-read it later on & it'll probably make more sense then.
the guilt from past s/h is part of whats bugging me tonight... have been looking at the scars & then it keeps going through my mind about how disappointed Deb would be in me.. It seems stupid as Im typing this because she's gone.. Its been just short of a year now.. things should be getting better.. not the other way around...

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 5/8/2011 11:25 PM (GMT -6)   
i understand. some things take a little longer. it will and does get better.
beleive in you nicole, i do, as everyone on hw does as well. one day at a time my friend. with compassion, jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

LNichole87
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 226
   Posted 5/8/2011 11:33 PM (GMT -6)   
:) I have you & everyone on hw to thank for keeping me as sane as I am right now. I know I can come post here without fear of being rejected..
Believing in myself is one of the hardest things I've had to force myself to do. It helps to know I have the support here though :) thanks!

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 5/8/2011 11:48 PM (GMT -6)   
all good nicole. same feelings about the hw family as well. you are strong nicole, keep beleiving in you. with much healing compassion, jamie.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 5/9/2011 9:02 AM (GMT -6)   
how are ya doin' nicole? just checking in. jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

LNichole87
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 226
   Posted 5/9/2011 3:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Jamie :) I'm doing ok today. Exhausted! but a low anxiety day. Anxiety is kicking up a little this afternoon as I am not as distracted since I am done with work & I'm nervous about my appointment tomorrow. cheers.. hope you are doing well. nichole

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42438
   Posted 5/9/2011 4:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Nichole,

Glad you checked in with us. We have been wondering how you are.

Relax for your appointment, breathe...

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

LNichole87
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 226
   Posted 5/9/2011 5:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Hmm that was weird.. thought I pushed submit but my last post disappeared..
Anxiety is getting higher. I usually leave work about 4:30.. Here it is almost 6:15 and I am still here. I have cleaned, disinfected and organized my supervisor's entire top of her desk and cleaned & disinfected our 3-drawer storage container that use we store towels, washcloths, bibs, etc (It sits next to our blender and I am amazed at how much food was on the sides of this thing.. even the side away from the blender!) As long as I am up moving and listening to music, I am ok. If I sit down, my mind starts to race.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 5/9/2011 6:46 PM (GMT -6)   
know what ya mean. jamie.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42438
   Posted 5/9/2011 7:16 PM (GMT -6)   
I hate losing a post, especially if it was a long one. I never seem to have it in me to repeat it all. So I just put bits and pieces.

Cleaning is good medicine. I remember that from when I was a kid. My grandmother was always cleaning when things got tense. Which happened occasionally with my mom being mentally ill. But I remember many days of cleaning. It does take your mind off of things, and you are being productive at the same time.

I hope that you are feeling better. Once you get home you can relax.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
New Topic Locked Topic Printable Version
106 posts in this thread.
Viewing Page :
 1  2  3  4  5 
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, June 23, 2018 6:16 AM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,974,457 posts in 326,177 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161277 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, BettyBoop.
329 Guest(s), 8 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
clocknut, Bobbiesan, Sherrine, NiceCupOfTea, elmistik, Kathy77, straydog, Lanie G