Since the last time I posted about my unhealthy messed up relationship with a guy who not only cheated on me once, but twice after a long 6 years. I went back to Boston for school for about a week now. I haven't been able to sleep because every time I laid down. The thoughts of what happened, what he did and the things he said to me haunt me every second. I haven't been able to stop myself from crying. Often time, I would just sit there staring blank into nothing without thinking and tears just came down from my eyes. Even if I did get some sleep. I would feel this heavy sinking feeling in my heart and It would beat so fast that I felt like I need to explode. I cannot focus on my school work at all. It took me away from a lot of stuff. I want to be better, I want to feel OK again, but I felt like I have lost who I am in these past six years. I am all alone in Boston, which wasn't help. I needed someone the most today, but I can't turn to anyone at all. I'm just in tears and I don't know how much longer I can take this.