Posted 4/23/2011 8:08 AM (GMT -7)
ok so im new to this thing, but i dont really have any one in my life i can talk to about this, except my dad but he also has depression.
So here goes, well it all started when i was about 12, (im now 18) my mother constantly beat me up, throwing me in to walls, choking me, slapping me, punching, kicking etcc it was going on since i was just a little girl (as early as 5). She was forever telling me i was worthless, wished i was never born, she hated me etcc. I had a horrible life with her and my other family members. i was never wanted around, everyone hated me, but there was no reasoning behind it. eventually when i was 15 she kicked me out of the house, with no where to go i walked to my best friends house, but her mother having 6 kids of her own could not allow me to stay there. I went into foster care (child protection) for 8 months, while they searched for my biological father, whom i had not seen since the age of 5. anyway i eventually found him and moved in with him, but upon this i discovered he sufferes from depression also. My life has been a constant struggle just to get through the day, my dad loves me unconditionally and i am so greatfull i have him, but 2 people in the same house with depression is realy hard to cope with. we are constantly fighting, arguing, getting frustrated with one another and over all its just extremely hard. I cant really tell him to much because he is stressed out enough with work, bills, money etcc. I go to counselling once a week, and am on medication, but i have my ups and downs. I try to be happy for my dad, but i cant hide the emotions im feelling. Im always crying nearly every day, i feel as if everything is my fault, i have no friends or boyfriend because of my high anxiety and feelings of anti socialness. my life with dad is heaps better but i cant help but feel sad everyday. i have no life i stay home 24/7 have had 3 jobs in the last year and quit due to my anxiety and i just dont know what to do anymore. i feel lost and stuck in this rut that i cant get out of. i dont even want to go out of the house anymore. ive tried everything, counselling, going for walks excercise trying to get motivated but nothing really helps. I wander if these feeelings will ever go away? or am i gonna feel like this for the rest of my life?