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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 4/26/2011 8:33 AM (GMT -6)   
hi, i have been lying in bed since 9:OOpm looking outside at the stars and crying. i have not stopped. my nan has got really bad cancer and is having an operation early next month. i am so worried about her and there is no way i can contact her to tell her how i feel.. me and her are extremelyclso and im terrified of loosing her ! i wrote down how i felt ina book and i have not felt any better. i have tried to take my mind off her , but i cant. i dont want to lose my nan. she is my best friend and i honestly could not live without her.. im stuck and i dont know what to do. ihave tried everything to get my mind off it and ive been strong and held the pain in until now.. i cant fight the tears and i feel stupid because here my nan is fighting for her life and im just sitting her crying.. plz help ! any suggestions would be much appreciated ! cry

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 4/26/2011 11:14 AM (GMT -6)   

I am so sorry to hear about your Nana, it is healthy to cry, and it is better to cry now, when you are away from her, this way, you may be able to be strong in front of her when she needs to be. If you do cry in front of her, that is ok as well, this will also help her know that your caring is real and deep.

Don't fight your feelings, except that this hurts, it hurts like mad, and it's ok to feel the hurt for now. This is the only way through it, is to feel it.

I wish you all the strength you need to get through this tough time, and I hope Nana can cope with all she has on her plate too.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/26/2011 12:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Losing someone you have loved so dearly and knowing ahead of time they may be dying  makes you feel helpless and you also wonder how you can live without your wonderful Nan.

No one is ever taught in school how to prepare for death or how to deal with a loved one who may be  dying. What do I say? What do I do to help?

My first thing that I would say is I LOVE YOU. I know  you are truly close to the your Nan, this might go without saying. But it can never be said too often.   We all need to be loved and to know that we are loved. When facing the unknown, it is always reassuring to know that we are walking with someone who loves us, tell your Nan as often as you can.

Another thing people with a terminal illness fear is that no one will remember you.  Spend some time remembering the good things you've done together, the things she has done for you, the impact she has had on your life. Give  her assurances that you recognize these things and will be forever grateful to her for them.

And let the tears come,  don't be afraid to let your Nan see your tears.  When my sister died I would hug her and cry as she comforted me and told me I would be OK.  It was her last gift to me. 

Please know we are here for you and we care.  You can come here and vent whenever as we are here 24/7.

Gentle Hugs,


Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 4/26/2011 12:34 PM (GMT -6)   
First Sorry about your Nan...
Losing someone close to you is not easy for anyone, cry and get it out...
Write a letter to your Nan and give it to her, she probably knows this will
be hard for you too....and she would want you to go on in life with or without
her, and we care about you too....
Please keep us posted...
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 4/26/2011 3:32 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks for the support guys ! im sorry i could not reply straight away, i was just too upset to talk to anyone so i just sat and cried until 4 in the morning and woke up two hours later. i am going on abit of a cleaning spree to try and take my mind off her . its really hard though . the circumstances that im in at home are not helping either . i just feel really weak and helpless. i have written her a letter and i have even ''reserved'' a star for her as i fear this day will be coming soon. the only thing that will cure my heart is is someone cures her health. i know this ill never happen though . i remember the last time i saw her and i cant even remember the last thing she said to me which is really bad . considering it was only last christmas. i want her to watch me grow up . im only 13 and i NEED her in my life . she is my lifeline and i honestly dont know if i will be able to cope if she leaves me alone. i feel weak because here i am being stupid and crying and she is fighting for her life ! im stuck and with all the other dramas in my life i really have had enough ! :|

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 4/26/2011 3:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Netball,

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I am glad that coming here is helping you. And you got some really good advice from all of the members. Cry when you need to. It is healthy to get it out. Spend time with your nana and take some photos. You really will have good memories of these times. Let the other things (dramas, as you put it) work themselves out. Focus on you and spending time with the ones that you care about.

Keep posting and do know that we all care. We are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 4/26/2011 4:20 PM (GMT -6)   
i cannot see my nan cuz she lives in wellingotn an i am in auckland . i am unable to go there as the school term is starting next week and because my behaivour is not the best at school, my paretns will now let me go and see her after the op. they say she will be fine but they dont know cuz they aren't doctors. every time i try to bring up the subject it causes chaos so i just do not bother anyomre. i sit in my room and cry . at the moment i am drawing a picture for her and it is a bird. it is symolysing the fact that she will soon be ''migrating'' to another place when it is time. she must spread her wings and fly although we i dont want her too. i also have a greenstone pendant that she gave me for my 10th xmas. i have not taken it off since i have found out she has cancer. its like a little piece of her is with me all the time. i hold it and cry and hope that she will be around to see me grow up. i have photos of her and me and my little cousins and they bring back happy memories and i just cry. i cant fight the tears and i feel ridiculous because that is all i have been doing for a long time.

New Member

Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 4/26/2011 4:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi netball,

I lost my grandmother a few years ago and I remember how hard it hit me. I ended up crying at work, so hard that my nose started bleeding. She was a great woman and took care of my family on many levels. It was very hard to lose someone I loved so much. I am sorry for your pain because I know how it feels. The thing to remember is that even though soon she might not physically be there, her love for you and your love for her will never die. The pain is something that cannot be pushed down or forced. That will only make it worse. Unfortunately it is something that only time can heal. What helped me was every time I felt sad about her, to remember all the great things she did, how much she loved me and all the happy times we had. As long as you remember those things and help to keep them alive then everything your nan did for you will remain with you, even if you lose her physically. I also knew that my ginga would not want me to continue feeling sad for her, because my own life would suffer and she would never want that. She would want me to be happy and not let everything she had done for me go to waste. I wish you the best.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 4/26/2011 8:59 PM (GMT -6)   
wintermute82, thank you for your suggestion. but when i think about all the good memories i have had with her, it makes me cry more because those are the reasons that i dont want her to leave me. i may just be stressing over nothing but i cant help thinking that it may not be long before she laeves me. knowing that she may not be here to watch me grow up hurts. it really does and the worst part is, there is nothing that i can do to save her or cure what she has. i dont know how to describe the pain that i feel. all i can say is that it hurts ! :'(

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 4/27/2011 9:23 AM (GMT -6)   
You are right Netball, it does hurt, period.

Can I suggest that you call Nana? If you can't remember the Xmas conversation, call her, and make a new conversation you can remember. Will your Parents allow you to make the tollcall?

Is Nana on the net? If so, you can email her, and store her replys on your USB stick, it would be really cool to collect her replies and in later years re-read them.

I understand the intense emotions you are going through, beleive me when I say, it is completely normal to experience them.

I love the fact that you are wearing the greenstone she gifted you with, (I know the significance of that, I live in Wellington too). Keeping that near your heart, will always make you connected and close no matter what the outcome of her treatment is.

I beleive Nana will be watching you grow up, is that something you have thought about? If it is a belief you have, it can bring you alot of comfort over the years, I also truely beleive, that when you have loved one so deeply, you reserve a place for them in your heart that is exclusivly there special place.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 4/27/2011 10:02 PM (GMT -6)   
AWTY: i do not need to reserve a place for her in my heart. she is already in there and will never leave it. she is on facebook but she is never on and i dont want to call her because i dont want to sound weak in front of her. i also dont want her to know how i feel cuz i dont wanna make her feel bad. she will just tell me that she wil be ok. she is strong like that and she wont tell me that she is sick. she is not that kind of person. i have been thinking bout the last xmas conversation and the last thing she said to me was goodbye as i left on the plane and kissed me and gave me a big hug and told me to be safe.
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