Feel like im losing the love of my life

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SuperiorL
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/27/2011 8:18 PM (GMT -6)   
I had dated my ex girlfriend for 3 years we broke up about 7 months ago but still kept turning to each other while being broken up. Recently i wanted to get back with her but she doesn't want too now. I believe its cause I broke her heart and now she is too scared to trust me. I tried to explain to her about how much I love her and how i would do everything for her but it didnt help. She has told me she loves me even though we are now going through the process of no contact. Its been almost 2 weeks and its the worst feeling in the world. I cant afford a relationship coach and could use any advice as to how I can fix this. Should I be the 1st one to break the no contact? or wait for her? or is there some other alternative i should do? I know its going to be a long process but I love her shes worth it. any advice would be great thanks

987Tommy
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 47
   Posted 4/27/2011 8:59 PM (GMT -6)   
  what happened to break her heart that she can't trust you?
  I'm going through a separation (although more serious).  I've been married for 9 yrs with 3 kids.  My wife & I have been separated since January.  But your situation is still hard after dating 3 years!  All I've read about separation is this:  don't force things, especially on a woman.  Women take a while to heal when they're wounded (I don't know about your case).
  My wife told me it's like she has a cast on for a broken bone and will take a while to heal.
    I've been adviced by a counselor to not initiate contact for a while.  Let her be the first to reach out.  Of course, if months go by without her reaching out, that may be a sign the relationship is over.  It's encouraging she still loves you, that's significant.  She still care about you and isn't willing to give up!!!!
   Have you two talked about marriage in the past?  Wow, 3 years is a long time to date. Hang in there.  Ask yourself if she's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with,  it will make the pain of waiting for her more bearable.
   You are not alone.  Lots of couples & marriages go through separations.  It's more common than you think.  Being in a committed relationship is not easy, that's why so many of them fail.  But the dedication is worth it. This separation has the potential of making your relationship so much  stronger.  When it's healed, it will be stronger than ever possible before.
 
  Keep us posted.

SuperiorL
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/27/2011 9:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow reading you post and realizing someone and others are actually going through the same thing and hearing advice from you is so much helpful really it is. Its not that she cant trust me but she doesnt want to go through the heart braking stage again she had stated that it was too much to go through to go thru all of it again. & Im 22 we been dating since I was 19 and shes about 4 months younger then me we have been through alot im hoping that is what will bring her back to me. Its hard not to talk to her cause all I want to do is try and fix things but Im hearing the same thing your saying to give her time and such. I'm glad you sought out a counselor that shows your very well interested in fixing things with your wife If I could afford one I would go to one as well but I have a feeling they would just say the same thing you were advised. Would you say its wise for me to do the same as you and just not contact her until she is ready to contact me or should I try again in a few months to try and work things out? Im actually glad this has happened to me because before I took advantage of our love and now that we havent been talking in the passed few weeks which have been helllll i realized how much I loved her. I just have to hope she feels the same in the long run. They say never say never so thats all i have for me right now. I hope everything works out for you and your wife and kids as well cause thats a tough thing to go through 9 years is a very long time! Hope to hear from you soon

Blondie37
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 78
   Posted 4/28/2011 3:43 AM (GMT -6)   
I went through a horrible divorce with a man that told me he loved me very much but "had to do it." 5 years later I now believe if someone truly loves someone, they will do WHATEVER it takes to get them....I mean, you have to respect your ex's wishes, but there's ALWAYS something you can be doing. Like, if she doesn't want you to call her or see her for a little while, write her a quick note and mail it, or a card, or short texts - even if she doesn't reply, stop by and brush the snow off her car in the morning (I know it's prolly not snowing anymore but you know what I'm getting at). Love doesn't give up and love doesn't expect anything in return. She'll notice your commitment and change of heart but it will take a little time and you've got to be consistent. Pay attention to her life.... like the details of her life.... what does she do, does she go to college, what classes, how's her job, her home, her family, her health. If you send her notes just asking how her "class" went or "how her relationship with her mom is coming along." These are just examples but do you get my drift? Make it about her, don't bring up you, your feelings (you had your chance and blew it) now you gotta SHOW her, PROVE it. Don't bring up anything about yourself, let her ask, but even then turn it back around to her and, again, something SPECIFIC, like "oh I remember the other day you were telling me about ______, how'd that turn out? Or, you know, it's mother's day coming up, ask her if you can get something for her mom (it means a lot to girls when you SHOW your care for the people THEY love), BELIEVE me, she'll be flabbergasted. There's not too many men that all they wanna talk about or know about is what's going on in their girlfriend's life, and those that do, just listen a little then it's back to them. What's her favorite candy (drop some off unexpectedly), how bout a friend or sibling she's close with that you could begin a relationship with?? You have no idea how much that would mean to her if you actually put yourself out there by getting ahold of her close friend to say, "I wanna do whatever I can to PROVE & SHOW I love her, can you help me?"

Good luck, I'm a 37 yr old woman that is very pretty and have had MANY relationships cuz of it, I now have a wonderful husband and a wonderful marriage because I have finally learned to put HIM first, and have learned to do what I've just told you...a BIG change for me. I believe with all my heart this is the key to a long-lasting, joyful relationship!

And, by the way, don't complain to too many of your friends about this....seriously, they'll just wanna give you advice, and you'll get confused, keep your focus, stay mature, and keep this to yourself and BELIEVE in your love for her and her love for you.

And.....keep us posted, k?

Sincerely,
Blondie
Blondie37_Fibromyalgia_terrible back of neck/shoulder area pain_degenerative discs_chronic pain for 15 years_new to pain management_can't take ibuprofin due to taking too many_have taken and tried everything from antidepressants to morphine to lyrica to muscle relaxers to xanax to valium to celebrex, etc.

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 4/28/2011 9:38 AM (GMT -6)   
I think that writing a letter would be a start, for now...
Let her know that the break up has opened your eye's for the love
you have for her. Or just use or write a poem and send it...
well wishes to you, keep us posted...
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
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