Why did she do this?

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 4/29/2011 11:34 AM (GMT -6)   
I haven't posted in a while, but I really need some advice now. I have been having trouble making friends in college and I don't have any who still want to remain friends from high school. In January, I met this girl who is in the same boat as me and she insisted we hang out. It was such a relief to make a friend.

She began texting me every week to hang out. We live a little over an hour outside of a major city so every weekend, she would text me to go into the city. I was so scared to say no to her so I always agreed. This was a problem because I have a severe anxiety disorder, fatigue syndrome and several other health problem and it was a little difficult for me to spend 12+ hours in the city walking around. I also take 6 classes and have a job so I got really behind in my studies. However, I NEVER said no because I was always afraid that she would find someone else and I would be friendless again.

This went on for about 6 weeks. Finally, we went out on a Sunday and I had 2 exams the next day and 2 on Tuesday. For the first time, I told her that I can only stay in the city until 6 and then I needed to go home and study. She was disappointed and since she has never texted me again. I texted her once to go to lunch near where we live and she agreed, but she was very disappointed and told me that the following weekend we should go into the city. I had to go to a church service on Sunday, but I could go on Saturday.

I didn't hear from her again and about a month ago, I texted her to have lunch again. She made an excuse and I asked if the following weekend would work. She said yes and that she would text me that week, but she never did and now it's been 4 weeks.

I am so hurt and depressed. I feel like there's something wrong with me, like she met with me for a couple times and didn't want me to be friends with me anymore because I'm not good enough. She has friends in the city, but I got the idea that they are busy because she spent her weekends with me. It hurts to think that she would rather spend time with other people than with me and I am paranoid she found someone else to replace me. I even have dreams every night that she finally texted me and am heartbroken when I wake up and realized she didn't.

She was my only friend and she dumped me. I feel like I suck as a person and even people who want to be friends with me at first, get to know me and hate me.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 4/29/2011 12:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Lola,

When a person gets mad because you have other plans, they aren't your friend. She sounds like she is just using you. To spend 12 hours in the city walking around is nuts. That is too long of a time. I would say a couple of hours should be enough.

You will make new friends. Don't cling to this one and always do what she wants to do without thinking of your feelings. That just isn't healthy. LIke I say, you will make many friends in your life. Some come and go, some stick around. But remember you have your own lives and at some point, you have to live them.

I hope that you feel better soon. Quit blaming yourself and you certainly don't suck as a person.

Take care, keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Backpain Sara
Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 30
   Posted 4/29/2011 4:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Lola-It sounds like this friend doesn't have a heavy workload that you have and probably doesn't work or have chronic pain like you do. I think friendship is like go to a movie or something but spending 12 hours out all weekend is way too much when you have to study and move your life forward.

I'll tell you I had a hard time and anxiety about meeting friends in college also and would watch the way other popular people make friends and how they did it. Always smile and say hi to everyone and say how are you? Look for a study buddy who would enjoy getting together to study with. Look around your locker and find someone in there or someone who spends a lot of classes with to study with or have lunch with.

I was a little nervous because I was 25 going to college and thought most people there would be younger than me but that wasn't true about half are over 25 so I tended to stick with my own age crowd. Try to find someone who also goes to church or has the same faith as you and invite them to your church or have lunch with them. Think about going to one of the faith groups at college and see if you know any of them who go to your classes.

I found a lot of friends who had the same faith and found a few close friends. We've all gone our own ways but I still have contact by email with one friend we studied together and I lived in residence with and it's been 24 years for me now since going to college full time but know you can find friends. You have to take a risk and say hey do you want to study after lunch? You may get a lot of nos but put yourself out there and try not to take it personal if someone doesn't want to be friends right away. You can find real friends who don't want to just use you and take up all your time.. You're young and people won't hate you once they get to know you. Since you've only had one friend you will find other friends just like yourself and make going to school so much better. But your goal should be to get your studies done for yourself and bonus if you can get a study partner or two who would like you as a friend. I would hang out with you if I were in school. Sara
Chronic back and leg pain. Degenerative disc disease for 3 years and unable to work since injuring my back. EMG/nerve test shows peroneal sciatic nerve is being irritated from L4-L5 disc area. Meds-Oxycontin, Cymbalta, lyrica, flexeril,Wellbutrin, Oxazepam for sleep. TX-facet joint, trigger point, nerve block and epidural injections every year x 3 years with temporary relief only. Did PT.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 4538
   Posted 9/10/2011 11:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Lola - This girl sounds like kind of a *****. Walking around a city for 12 hours is ridiculously long. And she shouldn't be getting mad or not calling you back just because you couldn't hang out one weekend. That is ridiculous. It's not you, it's her.
27 years old; diagnosed March 2007

Asacol, 6 tabs, 2xday; Rowasa every other night; Ortho Tri-Cyclen; Wellbutrin started 8/4
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