my first time posting in this forum, iv been posting in the crohn's forum for a while. I think depression is starting to get to me. I thought I just had the winter blues for a while, but the weather is warming up and im not feeling any different. I blame my crohn's partially, im tired of being sick all the time. My crohns' isnt horrible right now, but enough that it effects my ability to live a normal lifestyle.
I also blame the job I have for the way I feel. Im not really allowed to talk about my job specifically, but its kind of a customer service oriented job, where I have to be around alot of people everyday, and usually the people I have to interact with arent happy to see me. Its a very stressful job, as I dont really consider myself a people person. Id rather work by myself or with just a few people. I need the job for my health insurance though.
I feel like im just going through the motions day after day. I dont have any friends outside of work. The ones at work dont know what im going through cause when people ask me how im doing, i just say" fine" or "not bad". any negative repsonse to that question always results in questions, and I dont like talking about my feelings. I cant even talk to my family, ive shut them out. I havent seen any of them since last November, spent christmas and new years by myself. I think its just I dont feel I can handle their questions and judging me.
Im at a lose as where to go from here, I dont like living this way, I hardly feel as if im living at all. Just doing enough to keep myself going, theres no fun in my life at all. Work ,eat, sleep, repeat.