Thanks getting by
What's up? I'll check out your story.
Well, I'm 19...going on 20 pretty soon.
My story is kind of long.
Grew up in a home with strict parents. I'm kind of glad they were strict. It helped me passed my exams in school. Although sometimes I felt choked having to be locked up home and cannot get any freedom knowing my father's background was abusive and he put us through some tough times for simple things like crying when we're just 3 or 4 years, the results would be to lock us in a wardrobe. Turned to a cigarette to be my best friend at the age of 13. It was not a habit. It was something I did on and off when i was very stressed. I took a bottle of tablets at age of 13 which did nothing but just made me feel like crap the next day.
Two and a half years ago I met a guy who I fell for. Starting dating him, them he told me he was married but divorced and had a child. (He did not tell me everything at once, he lied and then told me piece by piece).
I tried to stay away from him. about
6 months later we got involved in a relationship.
Less than a year later I got pregnant, he wanted an abortion, I went through with it although I did not want to. Abortion is something I've been against my hole life. Now I went and had one. It's like I don't have an opinion in society anymore because of what I did. I went kind of crazy afterwards since he was never there and I had no one to lean on and the memories are with me everyday and I regret it and it's me who have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life.
A couple months later, we started to get back on track. He wanted a car. I said no- you're married. He said he's getting the divorce. He carried me by the lawyers and I say the papers being organized.
I said okay, it's time i start to trust him again. I sacrificed my savings and bought the car with him. Now he does not pay any installment. It's on me. He's playing me. He's spends night with him wife/ex-wife (I don't even know the truth what she is). He keeps lying and telling me no. He is faithful to me. But I don't believe it anymore.
I've decided that I'm not going to put up with him anymore although it will hurt me alot to let him go.
That's a summary of the story...SUMMARY.
It really hurts alot to know I've been sacrificing everything for him and he played me. It's like I'm stuck. I've stopped eating-eat once a week, started back smoking, can't sleep-have to take an overdose of a drowsy cough medicine to make me sleep, cry everyday, have a heart beat and racing pulse of over 100, get shaky and trembley something, around my eyes is now dark, I can't move on with my exams. I'm just working, working , working as it keeps my minds off everything. I don't know what to do.
Don't know if I should go see a therapists.
It was my whole life savings I spent. I've always given him what he wanted. If he wanted a watch for $1200, I would buy it for him. It's like he used me or was I his rebound girl or what is wrong with me?
I know that I should not have got involved with him in the beginning because he was married. But, I guess I couldn't help the feelings and thought he was different.
I go to work and put on a fake smile, but yet my boss see through it and knows it's fake.
I try to be strong. I always keep everything inside. That's the kind of person I am. Unfortunately I broke down last week and that's when I realized I needed to talk to someone.
That's a summary of my messed up life.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 5/1/2011 7:31:46 PM (GMT-6)