Help Needed With Messed Up Life

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UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4483
   Posted 5/1/2011 11:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Everyone,

Just introducing myself...

I'm a new member who joined HealingWell.com today. It's actually my first time on any online support group/forum, etc.

I've been going through some things since approximately 1 year now. Things have just been getting worst so I have decided to start here to see if I can get some help or support. It falls within the depression category hence the reason I'm starting here. I'm now trying to get back on track and move forward but it seems like I'm stuck so I'm just hoping HealingWell and everyone here and help me move forward in a positive way.

It sounds like a really nice place here.

Thanks

Post Edited (UserANONYMOUS) : 5/2/2011 7:14:09 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 5/1/2011 11:09 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. I find coming here helps me, because I like to be able to help others. I hope that you like coming here and I hope that we can help you. It is rather slow here on the weekends, so hopefully Monday you will find some replies. Everybody here is wonderful and caring. Very compassionate.

Keep posting and tell us a little more about yourself.

Have a great Sunday!!!

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

polianna
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/1/2011 3:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi! I'm new too. I just posted a big long story and so far no one has responded....Anyway, I wonder if you might have similar issues.

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4483
   Posted 5/1/2011 6:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks getting by :-)

Hi polianna,
What's up? I'll check out your story.

Well, I'm 19...going on 20 pretty soon.

My story is kind of long.

Grew up in a home with strict parents. I'm kind of glad they were strict. It helped me passed my exams in school. Although sometimes I felt choked having to be locked up home and cannot get any freedom knowing my father's background was abusive and he put us through some tough times for simple things like crying when we're just 3 or 4 years, the results would be to lock us in a wardrobe. Turned to a cigarette to be my best friend at the age of 13. It was not a habit. It was something I did on and off when i was very stressed. I took a bottle of tablets at age of 13 which did nothing but just made me feel like crap the next day.

Two and a half years ago I met a guy who I fell for. Starting dating him, them he told me he was married but divorced and had a child. (He did not tell me everything at once, he lied and then told me piece by piece).
I tried to stay away from him. about 6 months later we got involved in a relationship.
Less than a year later I got pregnant, he wanted an abortion, I went through with it although I did not want to. Abortion is something I've been against my hole life. Now I went and had one. It's like I don't have an opinion in society anymore because of what I did. I went kind of crazy afterwards since he was never there and I had no one to lean on and the memories are with me everyday and I regret it and it's me who have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life.

A couple months later, we started to get back on track. He wanted a car. I said no- you're married. He said he's getting the divorce. He carried me by the lawyers and I say the papers being organized.

I said okay, it's time i start to trust him again. I sacrificed my savings and bought the car with him. Now he does not pay any installment. It's on me. He's playing me. He's spends night with him wife/ex-wife (I don't even know the truth what she is). He keeps lying and telling me no. He is faithful to me. But I don't believe it anymore.

I've decided that I'm not going to put up with him anymore although it will hurt me alot to let him go.

That's a summary of the story...SUMMARY.

It really hurts alot to know I've been sacrificing everything for him and he played me. It's like I'm stuck. I've stopped eating-eat once a week, started back smoking, can't sleep-have to take an overdose of a drowsy cough medicine to make me sleep, cry everyday, have a heart beat and racing pulse of over 100, get shaky and trembley something, around my eyes is now dark, I can't move on with my exams. I'm just working, working , working as it keeps my minds off everything. I don't know what to do.
Don't know if I should go see a therapists.

It was my whole life savings I spent. I've always given him what he wanted. If he wanted a watch for $1200, I would buy it for him. It's like he used me or was I his rebound girl or what is wrong with me?

I know that I should not have got involved with him in the beginning because he was married. But, I guess I couldn't help the feelings and thought he was different. 



I go to work and put on a fake smile, but yet my boss see through it and knows it's fake.
I try to be strong. I always keep everything inside. That's the kind of person I am. Unfortunately I broke down last week and that's when I realized I needed to talk to someone.

That's a summary of my messed up life.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 5/1/2011 7:31:46 PM (GMT-6)


theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 5/1/2011 6:43 PM (GMT -6)   
hi polianna, hi user anonmyous.

welcome to the forum. to user anonmyous, have thought about having a chat with your doc about what is happening? in terms of tools i write stuff out for myself, doc, shrink and therapist. maybe you can write some of that stuff your feeling down on paper. even though i use a cane i walk, it helps. welcome my friend. with healing compassion, jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4483
   Posted 5/10/2011 1:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Jamie...

But if I try to write, I just get 'messed-up' because I get flash backs and all these memories that I don't want to remember and I just fall apart.

Unfortunately, the only thing that keeps me from the edge is a cigarette which is not good.

I'm just stuck here...

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 5/10/2011 3:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Maybe you have "post traumatic stress disorder". Have you ever talked to a psychiatrist or psychologist about it? Writing does help. putting down your feelings and what is triggering them. Sorts things out. I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4483
   Posted 5/10/2011 4:10 PM (GMT -6)   
No.
I'm a person who usually keeps my feelings to myself.

HealingWell was my first step.

Thanks

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 5/10/2011 6:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Go get a counselor, get some help to try to get away from this guy, but first make sure all
the paperwork for the car is in your name, if not go and do that and then let the police know he has keys to your car
and they will help you get those back and no man is worth what he's put you thru, you will someday see that, it'll take time
but you need to get your life together as your worth so much more, a man should be caring to you, not
using of you...believe me you are special and your worth a lot, you'll see that with the help of
a good counselor.... this is a good website and everyone is welcomed everyone needs help sometimes...
remember you are special, and important so go get some good counseling...keep us posted
well wishes
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4483
   Posted 5/10/2011 8:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the support.
It's just kind of hard to get good support in Trinidad...

Well, I can't adjust any names until the loan is paid out which will be next three (3) years.

Told him I don't want to have anything to do with him. I only want to talk about the car because we have to make arrangements and sort it out since I cannot be paying for something that does not benefit me.

He got angry when I told him that (2 weeks ago). He starting acting ignorant and said he will come in the evening to sort it out. He never showed up. Call his phone the evening, went straight to voicemail. Call his home phone, his mother said he never came home from work as yet and told me to call his bro. His bro said he dropped him home a couple hours and they didn't have to work in the night.
So, it seems like he disappeared with it.

I did not try contacting him after, because it would really mess me up. Just thinking about him makes me frustrated. I just try to work and work 24/7 to take my mind of thing...when I'm on the edge, I use pepsi (caffine) and cigarettes (sorry) which I realize I'm becoming addicted and dependent on. I don't sleep, eat, etc. I wake up 4:45 am every morning to get ready for work. I go to the office and return home between 6-7pm. Then when i come home I login and do more work until 2am, 3am or 4am, then I go and try to get some sleep.

So, I'm stuck with a loan for a car that I don't have.

He knows that I will pay the loan because I don't want to get a bad credit name.

This really hurts me. My life is just stuck/on hold. I don't know which direction to move.
I'm suppose to continue my studies. I can't because I have to put aside that money for the loan. I have to keep it to pay the loan instead of furthering my education and bettering myself.

It just seems soo unfair. I just don't know which direction to move. It feels like my life is over.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 5/11/2011 8:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Talk to somebody about this. This isn't rigtht. Talk to the police or the loan people. Stop paying for a care that somebody else is driving. Is there insurance on it? I get the feeling that you don't really want to stop paying for the car because there is ways to do this. You tell the people to come and get it. That you don't want it anymore. Do you have two cars? How do you get back and forth to work>???

There are ways to get out from under this without hurting your credit. You can call the police and report it stolen. They will catch him and take it away. Then you get a restraining order on him to stay away from you and your car. Be assertive if you want your car back.

Best wishes to you with this situation.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4483
   Posted 5/11/2011 8:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Call the loans office, the dealership who we bought the car from and the insurance company.

The loans is on my name and he signed as co-borrower.
The car and insurance is on both our names.

The loans officer said that we cannot adjust any names, etc until the loan is fully paid.
The guy from the dealership said the same thing.

The insurance lady said that the name on the policy depends on the names on the certified copy of the car. So this can be adjusted but this will be the last step. We need to adjust the name on the loan and car before we adjust the insurance.

I travel to work everyday. He doesn't care whether I am stranded for taxi when it gets late to come home. He has no heart and conscience.

I think about stopping making any payments on the car and let the bank seize it but it will hurt my credit name in the future, hence the reason I didn't do it.

If I call the police, it will not be a valid complain since the car is on both of our names. They will juts charge me for wasting police time. If i report it stolen and they find him with it, it's on his name so they would again charge me.

I sat down and taught of everything but nothing seems to be on my side or in my favor.
I just honestly want to beat him up for everything he has done to me.

Apparently that is the kind of person he is. Because he is owing his aunt money as well. I only heard this about 2 weeks before I ended the relationship from his mother. She said he isn't even making an attempt to re-pay them.

It seems as though he has no heart. I never came across such a person in my life before. Honestly, I find he's acting like a criminal.
It's my fault because I knew his situation and I still got involved with him. Just wish I could go back 2 and a half years.

I believe i went through all my options. Wish if miracles came through.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 5/11/2011 8:49 AM (GMT -6)   
Wow,

What a situation, court would probably be the only option left and that takes money. I am so sorry about this. I do believe in Karma. What goes around comes around. How long to you have to keep making payments? Is there any way possible that you could get your name off of the car? Then he would be responsible for the loan? Have you talked to the secretary of state? Maybe they could help you get your name off of the loan or the car. How much longer do you have to pay for his car? That is what it is amounting to. But he will get his ccomingupance one day.l Believe me. You are a good perosn and I hate to see this happen to you.

Maybe somebody else has some tips for you. I sure do hope that this works out for you. You don't deserve this.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4483
   Posted 5/11/2011 12:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the advice.

Spoke to some co-worker who will try to help me.

Not sure what I'll do as yet.

It's either we get back the car and I keep it and continue making payments or I sell it to pay out the loan so i would not have anything connected to him, and then I can start over.

It's just to decide and then find him and the car.

Thanks for the advice. I'll keep you posted on the situation.

I gotta admit, I feel a little relieve by talking to you all :-)

Thanks alot...

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 5/11/2011 1:11 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so glad that you feel a little bit relieved. We are here to help as much as we possibly can.

Hugs, Karen

Make sure to keep us posted as to how this is going...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 5/12/2011 9:02 AM (GMT -6)   
it's good that you're getting some help from your co-workers, I really
hope you can get the car back and remember you are worthy of a much more
from a man...and with time you will get over this bad relationship, so give
yourself sometime to heal...hopefully the hurt will get better a little each day...
and keep us posted...
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4483
   Posted 5/12/2011 11:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks getting by and Chartrex.

Still have to decide what to do, just afraid of making more bad decisions.
Trying to figure it out.
There are options but it's complicated so we have to ensure that we proceed with carefully since the loan is on my name (he is just co-borrower) but the car and insurance is on his name, and it's just to chose the right decision as well.
It's gives me hope but then I'm back to the first step and being stuck.

Don't think I can trust any guy again for the rest of my life, at least that's how i feels now.

Will let you know my decisions and outcome.

Thanks

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 5/12/2011 12:32 PM (GMT -6)   
UA,

I think that in the future, you are going to be more cautious, especially with making financial decisions. Things in this life can be temporary and we don't want to get caught up in any long term things with other people. I think you have learned that.

But in the future, you will trust again. The guy will most likely be much more mature than who you are dealing with now. He will probably buy you a car. lol... You never know.

Just continue to look after number one. YOU!!! This is a learning experience and in the whole scheme of things, when you are down the road, you will see that it isn't as huge as it seems now. I think that you can get this made right. You are being taken advantage of by this guy and it is wrong. You will come out on top. And you will have your vehicle back if that is what you want. I imagine even though the insurance is in his name, you are still probably paying for it.

Do let us know the outcome of this and come to us for support in the meantime. Best of luck to you and best wishes for a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4483
   Posted 5/24/2011 2:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Everyone,

Hope all is well.

Just updating you all...

Spoke to a lawyer who gave me 3 main options.

However, I've decided:
I'm not making any further payments on the car. The lawyer will write a letter for me. The letter will be sent to my ex as well as the bank. IT will be notifying him that I'm not making any further payments and I'm giving the bank permission to repossess the vehicle.

The bank is aware of the situation.

This way, I'll just loss whatever I put out for the vehicle. I will not be getting back anything. My name will also get bad credit in that bank.
I'll let you know how this works out.
Hopefully everything should be completed by June. Then I can start fresh in July. I can start therapy and start over new.

It's not a nice feeling knowing that I'm losing everything. It really hurts alot, but I'm tryin to cope. Hopefully therapy will help me.

Thanks for all your support again.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 5/24/2011 7:38 PM (GMT -6)   
With counseling you will learn that you didn't lose everything. You just lost a problem. He has no right to continue driving that car. It was yours. I hope he isn't the type to go out and wreck it before the bank gets it. Some people will do stuff like that if they get angry. Hopefully he wont. I am glad that you talked to a lawyer. There is no sense on you continueing to pay for him to drive the vehicle. Let him get his own car. I wish you the best with this. After seven years your bad credit will go away. And seven years can go by fast. The older you get the faster time goes by.

Just think with one less car payment, you can do something nice for yourself. Treat yourself to something that you have wanted for a long time. You deserve it.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4483
   Posted 5/24/2011 7:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Karen...

I guess it will just take some time to get over everything. It just seems like it's taking longer than I expected. SOmetimes you think you are find and then you just have a break down again...

I hope he doesn't wreck it because he tends to get ignorant and violent sometime, especially when things doesnt work out in his favor. That really worries me. I guess all my options has pros and cons.

I just hope everything works out fine so I can start over fresh from July.

Thanks again

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 5/25/2011 7:07 AM (GMT -6)   
You are kind of starting over fresh now. You took a huge step and a good one. But if he does something to the car, he will have to face the reprocussions. I don't think I spelled that right. Like I said, this is a huge step in the right direction. You are doing a wise thing here. It will work out, have faith in that.

Hugs to you,
Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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