i really need help, i have no idea what to do and have little hope

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Lizzie Collin
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 5/1/2011 3:44 PM (GMT -6)   
i'm in love with my fwb and i think he loves me too. he tells me he loves me and needs me and that he cares about me.  i tell him the same, but he has a gf who he lies to to be with me.  i have feelings for him and i think he has feelings for me but will not admit it becasue of his other relationship.  wen we fool around he always stays after and cares for me and takes care of me.  he never just leaves, and he always talks to me and tells me that if at anypoint i want to stop the physical aspect he will still love me just  as much.  its very depressing for me to know that when he goes out with his gf hes kissing her and not me.  he says he loves me as a friend and it means a lot when we do stuff. he says he tells me and does this stuff with me cus we are so close not because he loves me as anything more than a best friend.  tonight i plan to tell him how hard this is for me and try to get him to tell me his true feelings. please help.

Lizzie Collin
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 5/1/2011 3:50 PM (GMT -6)   
I NEED URGENT HELP AS IM STARTING THE EARLY STAGES OF A PANIC ATTACK

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 5/1/2011 4:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Lizzie,

You are being used by this guy. It is obvious that he isn't going to leave his girlfriend for you. So try not to get in too deep with him. Know that you aren't his first choice. I know it hurts to hear this, but it is true. I don't want you to get your hopes up with him.

As for your panic attack. Slow down your breathing. Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. It is called smelling the roses and blowing out the candles. Concentrate on the breathing and try to relax. You are just having a panic attack and you are going to be okay. Please do post so I know for sure that you are alright.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Lizzie Collin
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 5/1/2011 4:14 PM (GMT -6)   
i'm okay i took ur advise and it did help. thank you
as for ian, my friend, i dont think he is using me because he never preasures me into doing things with him, most of the time he doesnt even suggest doing anything unless i do first. weve gone months without anything physical (9months) and nothing changed between us. another thing you should know is that the live about one hour away from eachother and the relationship wouldnt work between us anyway

Lizzie Collin
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 5/1/2011 4:17 PM (GMT -6)   
when ever i am having a tough time dealing with my depression he puts everything off for me and is there for me. and he asks for nothing in return.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 5/1/2011 5:08 PM (GMT -6)   
That is good that he doesn't ask for anything in return, but think about it, he is cheating on his girlfriend. But if you can live with knowing that she is going to be there and that you feel fullfilled with the relationship, then maybe it could work. But I feel bad for the girlfriend. He is cheating on her. Knowing that you two wont be together in the future, I mean as in living together and being able to accept that is cool. But one day you might want more, or he might marry her. But if you can accept that and still be happy then more power to you. Just don't fall in love with the guy. Or expect more than you are getting out of the relationship at this time.

I hope that you had a good day. It was nice here. The first day of May, but blustery winds.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Lizzie Collin
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 5/1/2011 6:39 PM (GMT -6)   
im talking to him tonight and being upsfront with him, if he doesnt have feelings for me then we won't continue. and if he does but isnt willing to give up his gf then we will stop and just be friends thank you.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20190
   Posted 5/1/2011 6:45 PM (GMT -6)   
wize move lizzie, with compassion, jamie. keep strong, here for ya, jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4483
   Posted 5/1/2011 9:11 PM (GMT -6)   
hey Lizzie,

I've experienced something similar.

Once a guy has a gf or wife, don't get involved unless you are 100% sure he is divorced (ensure that you see proof, the divorce decree/certificate) or he does not have a girlfriend.

In the end, it's you who will get hurt.

I know it will be hard to give him up first but hopefully we can all get through this together with some support.

BetterThanHellThough
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 5/2/2011 12:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Lizzie
I had a sort of similar story about 20 years ago. I was 18-19 then, and it was a very strong love story for me. Since then I got a lot more experience. I think, some men are not good at expressing or even acknowledging their own feelings. They are sort of cowards, emotionality speaking, some of them, really. (At best, actually, becasue some of them just don't care and just enjoy)
So we, the girls, who are so much more sensitive and so much more in need of understanding and expressing things out, we have to be the true heroins in these sorts of story.
When he left me, he did not say he left me. He just had to move to another part of the country for his studies. It was terrible not to know his feelings -- although I had told him I loved him. I then realized that I got pregnant, and realized he was simply not reliable AT ALL. I had to heal my heart from stopping loving him (that came in the process of going for abortion... I thought, this a a father-less baby). That healing made me stronger. Being emotioannly dependant on someone we ccan't rely is terrible. I understand. I know.
You know what? He came back to me 3-4 years later, telling me I was the only interesting thing in his life. (That was his very words, you see, he could not even say "I love you"). By then, my heart was healed and I did not want to enter a relationship again with him, not because he was not so lovely, but because I knew he was a weak person.
Lizzie, I mean, be strong. He is weak. He is not reliable. This story is sucking your energy and life energy, not because of your love, but because of his weakness. Take care of yourself, don't let this happen to you. I guess you are young and lack experience.
Take care of yourself. Practice deep breathings, learn to enjoy life, the sky, the air, the water, all the treasures within and around at the present moment. Life is a treasure, don't entrust it to anybody else. Learn to appreciate it fully. MAybe you could practice a bit of meditation, or Tai Ci, Chi Kong or yoga. This will help you re-balance your energy and be stronger in the here and now, and in connection with yourself.
Big hug!
Take care.
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