ive been betrayed ? what do i do now ?

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netball
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 5/1/2011 11:01 PM (GMT -6)   
 hi guys,
i had a crap day at school today and almost ended up in tears ! my best friend, well i thought she was, told quite a few people that i had a boyfriend and told them all who it was. when i told her i specifically told her NOT to tell ANYONE !!! and she promised. she has told me things about her life that she doesnt want anyone else to know and i have kept those secrets and i wouldnt dare tell anyone. i havent talked to her since and i dont know what to do.. plz plz help me ! cry

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 5/2/2011 12:23 AM (GMT -6)   
you need to speak to her. find out why. i am sorry about this breach. jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

Ibear
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 5/2/2011 2:12 AM (GMT -6)   
What's so bad about that information being out? And she was probably thinking good things when she told other people about you.

netball
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 5/2/2011 3:26 AM (GMT -6)   
because i told her not to tell anyone and she is the only one i talk to about my life. and how do i know that i can trust her again? cuz i dont. my life is heading straight down and knowing that she cannot keep the smallest oof secrets hurts, because now who will i have to turn to ? i know it seems that im being stupid and overreacting but i dont expect you to understand..

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 5/2/2011 7:18 AM (GMT -6)   
You should get a counselor, they keep the secrets. And they give good advice. Please don't let this end your friendship. People make mistakes and she just made one. She probably didn't realize how important this was to you. Forgive and forget.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

awty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 5/2/2011 7:43 AM (GMT -6)   

Tonight I had to deal with this very problem, BUT, I was the one that had stuffed up and said something I should not have.  This is a very close friend of mine, and I had shared some information that she had told me, and I was upset I had over stepped the boundries of our friendship, and knowing how important she is to me, I knew I had to come clean and tell her what had happened, why, and that I was sorry, and I knew that I was in the wrong.  This is what I did......

 

I texted her during the day asking her to meet up with me later in the day, as I felt I had made a mistake, and over stepped boundries at her engagement party.  (I did this text for two reasons, one, so I had to go through with this tough talk with her, and two, to give her some warning).  We texted back and fourth a bit, and all the time, I made it clear to her, that I was in the wrong, that I needed to face what I had done, and she may be angry with me, but that I was willing to risk that, as long as I was up front with her, and she knew my intention was to cause no malice.

 

We meet up as arranged, I came clean, told her from beginning to end what had happened, and to my relief, I had not betrayed her at all, the other person already knew what I had said.

 

It was a tough thing to do, but the lessons learn't are valuable, I learn't my friend is forgiving and understands that I am hard on myself when I think I have hurt someone I care about, that we can be open with each other, and honestly look at a problem without fear of braking up our valued relationship.  She learn't that when I have done something that is not true to myself, I will go and tell her, that I am up front, and I care about her enough that I will be honest with her, even when I have done the wrong thing.

 

I suggest you do have a talk with your friend, look at the problem, lay it all on the table, be honest with each other, and new understanding and lessons may be learn't on both sides.  None of us are perfect, we all make mistakes - there are two kinds of mistakes, the ones we do on purpose to hurt another, and the ones we do by accident without meaning to hurt each other.  Good luck


netball
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 5/2/2011 10:37 PM (GMT -6)   
i talked to her today and i took ful rsponsibility. i guess i may have over reacted. i had a think about it and thought that the reason i felt betrayed was not because of her, it was because of a build up of things in my life and i let this little incident get to me when it should have not done. i have apologised to her and she did to me as well. i let her know why i took it the way i did and she understood. thnx for the advice guys.
GETTING BY : i am going to be seeing my councillor on friday and i will try and tell her about some of the other issues i have and other problems i am dealing with at this very time. and then next time something minor like this happens, i willl not over react as much..

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 5/3/2011 1:40 AM (GMT -6)   
good move netball. jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 5/3/2011 6:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Great move netball!!

Hugs,
Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 5/3/2011 11:54 AM (GMT -6)   
It was good of you to talk with her, but be weary of telling her anymore true secrets,
as she needs to earn your trust again, give her a chance to earn her trust...and
I hope things go better for you in counselling...Things will settle back down for you
at school...but keeping secrets can be hard...well wishes to you...and healing hugz
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4497
   Posted 5/3/2011 12:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Tell her how it made you feel and ask her why she did it.

netball
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 5/3/2011 2:56 PM (GMT -6)   
userANONYMOUS: i told her how i felt at the time when she did it and she apologised for it and she swore to keep my secrets in the future. she is my life and i dont think i could ever have stayed so mad at her for a long time.
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