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15
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 5/2/2011 6:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Um, hello everyone, I'm new to this website. I guess I had a different idea in my head about what this website was going to be like. . . I wanted to chat about how I'm feeling to anyone willing to listen, but doesn't seem like there is anyone on here to chat with!! confused

15
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 5/2/2011 7:03 PM (GMT -6)   
I've just been very depressed lately and I feel like I have no one at home to turn to that fully understands. I've been so depressed that I'm frustrated with life! I have alot going on right now and my plate is overflowing. This year has been bad and really hard on my family. . . I don't want to feel alone anymore. . .

sunflower7
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 5/2/2011 7:04 PM (GMT -6)   
HI
If you go to the chat room there is usually someone in there you can talk to.
Look and see which room they are in (quite often anxiety or chronic pain) and join
them there.

15
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 5/2/2011 7:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 5/2/2011 7:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi 15,

Sunflower is right, check out "chat". There is usually people in there in the evenings. US time.

Hope that you feel better soon.  Also know that you are welcome to post here about things. 

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

15
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 5/2/2011 7:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks you guys. I think I realized that I should be talking about my feelings in here after I chatted lol. It was a bit confuseing keeping up with people in there. I guess I thought I was going to be talking with a counselor on here, idk what I was thinking lol. But I do feel more comfortable talking about everything in here tho. My grandfather was recently diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer this winter and on top of it he was a diabetic and had open wounds on his feet that were down to his bones. He had trouble walking but he got around as much as he could. He had a bad heart as well and it only worked 15% of the time. He past away about a month ago but the cancer didn't take him. It was his heart. He was my mother's dad and shes had a hard time with this. I have as well tho. And on top of all of this my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 5/2/2011 9:05 PM (GMT -6)   
I am truly sorry to hear all of this, it must be awful hard for you to have lost your grandfather, and now your dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. That doesn't mean that he is going to die though. But sweetie, you might want to talk to a counselor to help you through this. You have a lot on your plate right now. We can be here for you too. But talking to a professional about this would be a wise idea for you. You could end up having a really good relationship with a good counselor.

Know that we all care about you here and want you to continue posting. It is a wonderful place to come and talk about things. A lot of the members here have lost loved ones and know how you feel right now. So know that they will probably be posting too tomorrow, and some over night as they are in other counties.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

15
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 5/2/2011 9:15 PM (GMT -6)   
When I had found out about my dads cancer, I was at my bf's house and I just cried my eyes out for hours. He hugged me and tried to get me to stop crying, but he really hasn't been that supportive for me at all, let alone been here for me. . . in he begining of our relationship he was such a gentelman. He was the type to pay for our dates and to call me before I went to be or just to tell me that he loved me. I was madly in love with him and I still am, but not with how he has been acting lately. His actions on top of everything that has been going on latly have been making me so depressed that I'm frustrated. See, his great grandmother past away this year as well and I felt terrible for him, so I went to the funeral in respects for him and I had bought a card for him, stuck a gift card to go out to eat on, $20 from my parents, and a $50 from my brother in it. I never even met the lady a day in my life, but I love him so I went. Well when my grandfather got sick he was there for me, he went with me at least 4 time to see him in the hospital. I appreciate him for doing that for me!!! But in a way I fell like he only went with me to the hospital bc it was so close to his college. My bf goes to college and lives in an apartment an hour and 15 mins away from my house but his familys house which he stays at on the weekends sometimes and comes home to during the summer is only 30 mins away from me. So I feel that he felt obligated to come to the hospital with me when my grandfather got sick bc he was so close to where my grandfather was bc my grandfather lived close to his college. Had my grandfather lived close to me, I don't think he would have came bc when my grandfather past my bf didnt go to the funeral. I understand he had class but he could have taken one day away to be there for me. My bf told me that I shouldn't be hurt if I knew that he had class. . .although I understand that the funeral was a few hours away from his college and he did have class. . .it still hurt bc I didn't have someone to lean on. I felt like I couldn't go to him and cry bc he wasn't there, but I was from him when his gram died. In a way I felt betrayed bc my one and only true best friend failed to be there when I needed him the most. But my story doesn't stop there. . .his actions got worse. . .and idk what to do anymore.....I'm depressed cry

15
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 5/2/2011 11:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Its 12:21pm here and I can't sleep so I've decided to come finish my story. . . it was St. Patties week and my bf is a BIGTIME partier and he loves to socialize and drink of course, what man doesn't? Well He decided to invited his close cousin up to stay with him from Sunday until the next Sunday on St. Patties week. I we fine with it, I let them both go and have a guys week and I knew they were both drinking. Yeah, it bothered me a little, but I learned to not let it get to me and I dind't want to start a fight. Well after his cousin left, I decided to go stay with him on a Tuesday. Of course he has class so I just stayed in his room and slept most of the time until he got back. Well when I woke up, I still hjad a few hours until he got back from class and I got bored so I decided to start cleaning up a bit in his room. I ended up finding a notebook in his room and I opened it. It had a list of things to do on St. Patties day. And the things written in the list weren't so good about me at all. In this list it basically said to go out and cheat on me bc I was being the big B word but a grade A one at that!!!! and at the bottom it was signed by him and his cousin. I was destroyed and my first reaction was to call my mother, then to call his mom bc I was close to her as well. My mom told me to come home and she didn't want me seeing him again, but I didn't listen. His mom stuck up for him and said that he'd never cheat on me. I guess I was so stunned by the list that I went and jummped to conclusions. Technically I didn't have proof of him cheating. Just bc it was on paper didn't mean that he did it and I realize that, but it still hurt so I had to confront him about it. after he got out of class at 2 I asked him and he said he didn't write it, but he was drunk so how would he remember, right!? Well he asked his cousin if he wrote it and his cousin said he did, but I'm like still in disbelieve a little bc how do I know that his cousin isn't just sticking up for him? I mean my bf is in a faternity? How do I know that hes not keeping secrets from me? I'm not trying to make him out to be a terrible lying cheater bc I wouldn't want him to be, but its just the fact that I'll never really know what really happened and for that I can't trust him. He broke down and cried to me and told me that he'd never cheat on me although, but I told him that I can't trust him and now hes REALLY mad at me! Hes so mad that hes to the point of ignoring me. Did I jump the gun here and take things too far? I do love him, but I dont want to look like the stupid idiot in the end, but he has broken up with me in the past and for no reason at all. Ive never once done a thing wrong to him. He told me that he couldnt handle a gf while in college but three days later he came crwling back and begging me to take him back and I did! I forgave him bc I loved him, but now hes mad at me for not being able to trust him after finding this list!? He said he wanted to put this list in the past and forget about it and forget about the time that he broke up with me as well and to never bring it up again, but when it comes to me not trusting him he says that he forgives me and he understands why I'm mad bc he said that list did sound bad but he said he wont forget and that I hurt him bad!? I'm suppose to forget about what hes done but he cant forget about what I've done, but really I've done nothing wrong besides accusing of something that Idk has really happened and I've apologized tho. He accepted my apologie but hes still mad and siad he needs time to think. I don't want him to leave me bc I do love him. And you may say well how do you love him if there is no trust. . .I can't exactly answer that myself but I know how I feel and I know what love is and I know in my heart that I do love him!!! the way I see it is that when you agree to be with someone you agree to be with them through whatever. Through thick and thin and I plan on working this out and Im not leaving but its up to him if I have hurt him bad enough to where he feels the need to move on then I wont stop him, but Im not going anywhere! Does anyone think I'm wrong and stupid for doing so? I know my parents do!

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 5/3/2011 1:32 AM (GMT -6)   
15 am usually on, but am very unwell. sorry. sending healing vibes your way. jamie.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

15
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 5/3/2011 9:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Jamie

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 5/3/2011 10:18 AM (GMT -6)   
Something doesn't sound right to me. If you can't trust him, you can't have a solid relationship. Regardless if he was drunk, he still shouldn't have written those things. I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket with this guy. Find somebody that you can trust and who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

15
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 5/3/2011 10:22 AM (GMT -6)   
I guess I'm afriad of being alone.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 5/3/2011 10:41 AM (GMT -6)   
You shouldn't be, you are a wonderfrul person. I know that you are going through a lot right now, but remember that you have us. Have you thought about counseling? It might help you through this. I can't make decisions for you, but I can tell you that you sound like a strong enough person to make it on your own. You deserve better than being treated that way. But it is up to you, what you want to do. I think counseling would help you recognize that you are a good person and that you are stronger than you think you are.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

15
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 5/3/2011 10:52 AM (GMT -6)   
I want to do counseling. I have gone to my mother and asked her, but she hasn't helped at all. And my father said that if I can't go to them with my problems then I don't need one. My bf doesn't know that I want to see a counselor bc of him but he does know that I want to see one. I have been searching for one online. I do not wish to pay for one. I do not have a large some of cash to spar. I make min. wage and I'm an independant person who makes my car payments and insurance payments so my parents dont have to. I'm not a spoiled brat like most kids now days, I do everything I can to do things myself. I would feel awful if I asked my parents to pay for me a counselor. My cousin was suppose to find me one but never got back with me. I feel like no one is realling getting the point that I want help. My mom said that she doesn't see where a couselor would help me bc she said my bf is the one with the problems not me. . .I feel like in a way I'm being ignored and I always feel like no one completely understands me!!!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 5/3/2011 12:29 PM (GMT -6)   
A lot of times, the counselor at a mental health facility will operate on what is called a "sliding scale", that means that they will go by your income and maybe only charge you five or ten bucks.  Here are a couple of free sites that will maybe help you.  Also there is a book called "feeling good" by Dr. David Burns that might help you.  You can get it used on Amazon for about six dollars. 
 
 
I hope I got these right.  And I hope that one of them can help you.  Keep posting.  Know that we all care about you.
 
See you are much stronger than you think to be holding down a job and owning a car.  That is a lot.  I am happy for that.  And stay independant.  That is a good thing.
 
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

15
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 5/3/2011 8:05 PM (GMT -6)   
I just wish that my boyfriend didn't ignore me in this situation. After I told him that I couldn't trust him, all hes been doing is ignoring me basically. I mean if I talk to him and ask him questions he'll answer me, but after hes done answering he says nothing at all. I feel like I'm losing him slowly and I don't know what to do to make anything better at all. I feel like no matter how hard I try to keep this relationship going hes just trying to find a reason for it to fail. He said he needs time and that he forgives me but hell never forget that I once said that I couldn't trust him. Does anyone blame me, after finding that list? Idk sometimes I feel like the reson why everything is happening so bad around me is always because its my fault. And I feel like I'm the one that is ruining this realionship and if he leaves me I'm going to feel like total and complete crap! I just thought that instead of holding back my emotions and making everything worse on myself, I thought I'd let him know how I felt instead of lying to him, so I told him that I cou;dn't trust him and now he has a problem with my honesty. I feel like I'm being punished for being honest, but maybe its just me. . . idk what to think

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 5/4/2011 1:17 AM (GMT -6)   
good on you for being honest. if it is to last, the relationship honesty is everything. without it it will definately fail. some things happen because of circumsatance, i think the list is one of these. keep strong. with compassion, jamie

ps don't be too hard on yourself ok.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

venus2471
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 32
   Posted 5/5/2011 12:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi 15 and welcome to this forum. I don't know your whole story but when any child is in pain my heart breaks. Please go to a psychologist. You really need a professional to for support. You should not be carrying these things inside and all by yourself. This should be one of the best times of your life. As a parent that have OCD that began before they hit there teens I came to realize how strong young people are. With support from me and great professional help they are both wonderful young women with kids of their own now. Was it easy? No. But they survived and overcame by reaching out to 'GOOD' people instead of the BAD. Just the short bit I've read about what's going on in your life tells me you are a strong, intelligent and sensitive teen crying out for help. There is no reason you can not be covered by insurance one way or antoher. If you don't know how to do it by yourself then let me know and I'll tell you how to do it. When your mind starts racing make it stop. If you can't that's when you know you need help. There are many ways to get the right help for free. Whatever you do PLEASE PLEASE don't think that drugs/alcohol is the answer. While most of us are older we all are very supportive of each other in here and only want the best for everyone. I wish you lived near me and you could stop by anytime for a shoulder to cry on and a hug whenever you need it. Heck you can do the same for me too...LOL...God be with you 15 and stay strong.

<GIANT HUG> and if I had it $20 for some fun...Aloha for now
Aloha & God bless you abundantly!

For you have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth. ( Psalms 71:5 *NIV )

15
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 5/6/2011 6:10 PM (GMT -6)   
I would NEVER turn to drugs or alcohol to solve my problems. I've never touched drugs in my life. I have drank before, but I found out its not fun at all and my bf drinks WAY TOO MUCH!!!! Hes an alcoholic in my eyes and he doesn't realize it, but anyways I am 19 and I am not in school right now so I don't have insurance and I've been trying my best to find a free counselor for help but I can't find one in this tiny place. A lady that I work with gave me a name of this place and told me that she was going to get me the number and she said shed help me out, but I haven't heard from her since. I just feel like sometimes ppl forget about me, maybe not on purpose, but it kinda hurts when I WANT help! I have my highs and lows ALOT. One min I'll be fine and happy and the next someone will do something or tell me something that I may not like and then I'll be upset and I don't want to talk. Sorry I havent been on here for a few days, I hate facing the internet. Its not that I'm lazy its that when Im on the internet I want to go on my facebook bc its somewhat of an addiction, but I hate going on there bc I'm afraid that I'm just going to start a fight over a girl or something that has wrote on my bfs wall about texting him. . .call me jealous idc I admit my faults. I done said the honest truth, I can't trust anyone but myself, I've been hurt too much in my life. But thats one reason why I hate myself so much. I put up with too much crap from guys, well anyone really. I'm too nice of a person to stand up to ppl, so thats why I'm such a strong person on the inside. I mean I may not stand up to ppl or be the one to speak up in a crowd, but when it comes to something serious, I won't back down from you. I am determined and I fight until I get what I want and I won't give up on something that I don't want to change.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 5/6/2011 6:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi 15,

Can you get ahold of that lady and get that number. I am sure that she was just busy and forgot. Not that she didn't care. If she didn't care, she wouldn't have mentioned it to you. I am sure that there is an honest explanation if you want one.

With counseling you will learn to not let what people say or do effect you. You will learn that you have the power not to get upset. I am going to post some free sites for you about depression and let's see if they help you.  I have seen that I already did that.  Did you try them out? 
 
In life you will learn to ignore a lot of things.  It is up to you whether you are going to get upset about it.  You have to learn to control your reactions.  And you will.  That is if you want to.  Get ahold of that lady and get some counseling.  It will really make you feel better about yourself and everything around you.
 
Hugs, Karen
 
In case you missed them:
 
 
Hugs, again...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 5/6/2011 5:35:38 PM (GMT-6)


15
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 5/6/2011 8:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks you! I tried them both. THey helped a little bit, but I'm still missing talking to someone, so I'm going to try my best!

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 5/7/2011 1:42 AM (GMT -6)   
good on ya 15. ps am in therapy myself and i highly recommend it. with healing compassion, jamie. all we can do is try our best. keep posting we care about you!!!!!!!!
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

15
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 5/11/2011 5:50 PM (GMT -6)   
So just to make everything worse....my doctors called me back today with my test results and said that I have abnormal cells and that I need to come back to get checked again to make sure what it is and that its not cancer.....I swear if my bf gave me something bc he cheated on me.....IM GOING TO FLIP....im worried so much right now at this point, I'm nervouse, scared, depressed, and I absolutly hate doctors.....

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 5/11/2011 7:43 PM (GMT -6)   
I had the same thing when I was younger. My boyfriend was cheating. Sad part about it is that it puts us at cancer risk. I always thought that there was something wrong with me as it happened more than once. I had to have surgery on my cervix twice. Here it was him all the time. And to top it off, one of my doctors said I would have to eventually have a hysterectomy as the cancer will come back.

I am sorry to tell you this but it could be from an std. Talk it over with the doctor. See if it was sexually transmitted. It usually is.

Sorry this has happened to you. But you will learn from the circumstance. Know that we all care about you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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