Its 12:21pm here and I can't sleep so I've decided to come finish my story. . . it was St. Patties week and my bf is a BIGTIME partier and he loves to socialize and drink of course, what man doesn't? Well He decided to invited his close cousin up to stay with him from Sunday until the next Sunday on St. Patties week. I we fine with it, I let them both go and have a guys week and I knew they were both drinking. Yeah, it bothered me a little, but I learned to not let it get to me and I dind't want to start a fight. Well after his cousin left, I decided to go stay with him on a Tuesday. Of course he has class so I just stayed in his room and slept most of the time until he got back. Well when I woke up, I still hjad a few hours until he got back from class and I got bored so I decided to start cleaning up a bit in his room. I ended up finding a notebook in his room and I opened it. It had a list of things to do on St. Patties day. And the things written in the list weren't so good about me at all. In this list it basically said to go out and cheat on me bc I was being the big B word but a grade A one at that!!!! and at the bottom it was signed by him and his cousin. I was destroyed and my first reaction was to call my mother, then to call his mom bc I was close to her as well. My mom told me to come home and she didn't want me seeing him again, but I didn't listen. His mom stuck up for him and said that he'd never cheat on me. I guess I was so stunned by the list that I went and jummped to conclusions. Technically I didn't have proof of him cheating. Just bc it was on paper didn't mean that he did it and I realize that, but it still hurt so I had to confront him about it. after he got out of class at 2 I asked him and he said he didn't write it, but he was drunk so how would he remember, right!? Well he asked his cousin if he wrote it and his cousin said he did, but I'm like still in disbelieve a little bc how do I know that his cousin isn't just sticking up for him? I mean my bf is in a faternity? How do I know that hes not keeping secrets from me? I'm not trying to make him out to be a terrible lying cheater bc I wouldn't want him to be, but its just the fact that I'll never really know what really happened and for that I can't trust him. He broke down and cried to me and told me that he'd never cheat on me although, but I told him that I can't trust him and now hes REALLY mad at me! Hes so mad that hes to the point of ignoring me. Did I jump the gun here and take things too far? I do love him, but I dont want to look like the stupid idiot in the end, but he has broken up with me in the past and for no reason at all. Ive never once done a thing wrong to him. He told me that he couldnt handle a gf while in college but three days later he came crwling back and begging me to take him back and I did! I forgave him bc I loved him, but now hes mad at me for not being able to trust him after finding this list!? He said he wanted to put this list in the past and forget about it and forget about the time that he broke up with me as well and to never bring it up again, but when it comes to me not trusting him he says that he forgives me and he understands why I'm mad bc he said that list did sound bad but he said he wont forget and that I hurt him bad!? I'm suppose to forget about what hes done but he cant forget about what I've done, but really I've done nothing wrong besides accusing of something that Idk has really happened and I've apologized tho. He accepted my apologie but hes still mad and siad he needs time to think. I don't want him to leave me bc I do love him. And you may say well how do you love him if there is no trust. . .I can't exactly answer that myself but I know how I feel and I know what love is and I know in my heart that I do love him!!! the way I see it is that when you agree to be with someone you agree to be with them through whatever. Through thick and thin and I plan on working this out and Im not leaving but its up to him if I have hurt him bad enough to where he feels the need to move on then I wont stop him, but Im not going anywhere! Does anyone think I'm wrong and stupid for doing so? I know my parents do!