I really don't even know why I'm writing this, no joke. I'm not one to just go on and tell people how much I feel like my life sucks. Considering people have things going on that's a lot worse than what I have going on; which is really nothing. People have lost loved ones, I haven't. People suffer from life changing diseases that are killing them, I'm not. I have money, enough to get by. I get taken care of by the military, and yet I feel so lonely, I feel like my heart is in tiny pieces. I have a lot of people I can talk to, that I get a long with at work, but it's that extra step of trusting people with what's really going on with me. Trusting people is giving them the power to hurt you in the end, and I have a major problem with trying that. I as a means to deal with my pain and I know it's wrong but a lot of the time I just can't help it. I don't know what to do, I don't feel like I can talk to anyone I hate myself with a passion, I'm weak and stupid. I have really self-esteem issues and that makes me even more pissed off at myself. I even see two mental health personnel, take anti-depression medicine and ambien to help me sleep. My only friend who knows like everything about me is leaving, and I feel like I'm back at square one when I was deployed and all this stuff started happening. I just don't know what to do, I feel lost. My heart feels like it's in pieces and no matter how much I try to piece it together, it feels it impossible. I cry myself to sleep every night, and I don't believe in at all but sometimes I'm just so tired of feeling the way I do everyday. I just don't know what to do anymore...it feels like just to much, and I'm so tired of everything.
Edit: I am sorry for the edit but we are not allowed to discuss self harm, harming others or suicide in the forums. Kindly,
Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 5/3/2011 5:37:13 PM (GMT-6)