Depression is a hard fight

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

LulaMae
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 5/3/2011 9:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi,
This is new for me, just started my journey in admiting that i needed help because i just couldnt manage on my own anymore. I went to our family docter started medication and have had it raised and now she is going to switch me. Its helped a little thinking is easier and i don't cry as much or get as upset but my memory isnt getting any better can barely remember what i ate for dinner last night literally. My docter has advised that i see a counselor but im afraid, that would make all of this seem more real in a way. Maybe it would help to just talk to someone about things without judgement and just tell someone the truth. Why can't i just be capable and able to do simple things without debilataing fear and anxiety my daughter is thirteen months i dont want my problems to affect her the way my parents affected me and my four younger brothers. She deserves to have a happy childhood im trying my best i dont have postpartum but that doesnt make it any easier. The thought of getting better is scary too a few weeks ago it was i was exercising and having fun and just able to deal better than my dad called and i had a set back and fell back down in this hole. just want to be free want to be a good wife a good mother a good sister a good friend i just dont feel like i belong in those catagories. my husband is very supportive and he takes such good care of me and says since starting the meds i have been much better but on the inside im stuggleing. Thanks for listening so sorry to complain.

layls
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/3/2011 9:54 PM (GMT -6)   
 I think you are a good mom by getting help and trying alone shows you are.

LulaMae
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 5/3/2011 10:05 PM (GMT -6)   
thankyou layls for replying and for helping to not making this so scary

LulaMae
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 5/3/2011 10:40 PM (GMT -6)   

oops didnt mean to start my own forum????? just started and already making mistakes lol


theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 5/4/2011 1:10 AM (GMT -6)   
all good lulamae. jamie :-)
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

LulaMae
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 5/4/2011 12:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi again,
   So just feel like giving some background.... i am a rambler so be prepared lol.
I am married and have one baby girl also my second to youngest bro is living with us he is getting his ged and working which is good our middle brother just moved back in with our mom a few hours away. over the past few years we have had a bunch of "room mates" which were really free loaders. my husband and i were just trying to help our friends (his friends) we've taken in dogs and loaned our yard and sheds for other peoples stuff to have a place to go. its a running joke that we should run a homeless shelter and animal shelter and a storage facility. Truth is we didnt have the means to do all of this it just snowballed as things do. well all of that finally ended and now we just have the 4 of us in a 2 bed 1 bath house. I know what you are thinking all of this is easy to solve just stop and quit trying to fix everyone elses problems..... Well wish i could and i want to learn how! My parents are finally divorced after years of fighting and moving and my dad cheating see when i was in junior high the family moved back to where my moms parents were to be closer to them and my dad went to work out of state and sent the money home. Well that was fine my mom tryed her best baby brother got really sick had a pancreatic tumor had it removed now has diabetes and enlarged liver newest devolopment his kidneys are suffering as well but he is acting like a normal teenager for now which is good. So fast forward to highschool worked all through it trying to help out senior year met my bf now my husband he moved in we got our own house after i graduated. Dad came for xmas stayed at our house (he and mom were off and on) then told my mom wanted to start over blah blah blah. She took him back. Found out i was pregnant after he left. Lost the baby at 23 weeks it was terrible went into labor water broke at home she had a heart beat when we got there. her cord prolapsed before the docter was able to come. she was beautiful she was so small we got to hold her and kiss her and say goodbye. i was 19 bf 21. Ok a week later 2nd in line to the thrown bro was graduating highschool dad and his parents came. Its my fault i knew he had a gf didnt tell my mom we were taught not to tell secrets. he pulled his i want to get back together crap should have said something... a month later get a call from a detective yep she asks if im my mom i say no and tell her she needs to tell me whats going on well she says they have reason to believe my dad has gotten married without divorcing her 1st oh boy. told her to make sure and call me back i was so worried my mom was going to freakout and she did a couple weeks later when the detective called her. well court case followed bf and i moved a few hrs away for new job had a year on our own then got married after we decided we were ready to try again had a high risk but sucsessful pregnancy thought we would have the life we were supposed to the first time but we just kept taking in strays for lack of a better word. here we are today. and it is ok we have ajusted she is healthy she has her own room bro is in the living room. that isnt even half of it we have a very good marriage despite it all. Dad wanted to move here and start over he was an ok dad just crappy husband and trying to keep a relationship with him but is it selfish i just want my own life now dont want all of that to start over im an adult. i want to have choices dont want to play 52 card pick up anymore. just feel like if he came here my mom would be mad my brothers would be uncomfortable and my daughter would want to count on him and he would start his shenanigans. Wow that was a lot i warned you sry to burden you all hope its ok to share that much. thanks for reading *LulaMae*
     Oh and thanks jamie

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 5/4/2011 2:41 PM (GMT -6)   
LulaMae,

Thanks for sharing, yes it is a lot, but I got through it, just hope I can remember it all. lol...

I do not think it is selfish of you at all to not want your father to move in. In fact I think you made a wise choice with this. You do enough for others. After awhile you can become an enabler if you do too much for any one person. Your father needs to be responsible, get the help that he needs and to get on with his life. He can't continue to rely on you for everything.

I understand you want a stable environment for your little one and that is to be expected. And by the way, I am happy for you. I am sorry about the first. But happy that you got to hold her and say good bye.

I am sure that you are a wonderful mom. You keep your child's best interest at heart and you can't go wrong. Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 5/4/2011 11:30 PM (GMT -6)   
much healings to you. yes you will be a wonderful mum. keep strong my friend. one day at a time. jamie.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

LulaMae
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 5/5/2011 8:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello all,
   Thankyou for your replies and advice! Please excuse my prior post was manic and went overboad, it did feel good to get it all out.
   The scariest thing about my dad moving here would have been popping this bubble its safe here, no fighting or screaming or conflict (in our little family lol). But my parents have a lot of unresolved issues and no longer do i wish to play mediator. Also my brothers at least the younger 3 caught the worst of the end and continueing process they do not deserve to be put in positions worse than they are now. Spies, pawns, bargaining chips the whole bit. And i refuse to let my daughter to be exposed to any of the latter. So thankyou for letting me know that the decision was okay.
   Its funny how those sorts of things can haunt you in adulthood and infringe on your life so dramatically. Don't get me wrong i have made my own mistakes and caused plenty of my own hardships. And i am trying my best not to place blame. The tape player in my head just won't shut off.
   Rome wasn't built in a day lol.
 
   on a cheerful note just saw the cutest little red finches out the window. silly things like that lift my spirits how bout y'all lol?
    Hope all is well on your end!!!!!!! LulaMae

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 5/5/2011 9:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Yay for the appreciation of the little red finches. I use to feed the birds and love the finches. We got the American Goldfinch, some call them wild canaries. I loved to listen to them sing. And they were so pretty. In the winter they would fluff up like tennis balls. lol... So cute. I miss feeding the birds, maybe I will start again. I always put up the humming bird feeders. And try to hang flowers too for them.

Have a good night,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Thursday, September 20, 2018 9:26 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 3,005,302 posts in 329,211 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161767 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Titanium-Girl.
319 Guest(s), 9 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
logoslidat, Sarge 83, GoBucks, AJMan, Pratoman, savena, CAdogsRus, Roadranger82, fiddlecanoe