living in the same home during divorce

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canopus
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/4/2011 12:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Is it healthy to continue living under the same roof as your spouse during a separation.  My feeling to this as very emotional, expecially when she spends the night at his place and cannot understande why this upset me.
She says there is no reason for me to be upset, since she has decided to move on.
I feel a lot of depression, and at times find myself lurking in the darkest of thoughts, not towards her, but towards myself.
I guess I just answered my own question.  But is there an answer to helping me cope.  I have no place to go, and still feel obligated to support her in the home we intended to spend our lives in.  It's difficult after a life of just 25 years together, being alone.  I know there are other in my situation, but now lack the self exteem to find them.  Feeling scared, frustrated and worst of all, the friend I had, ar mostly hers, which translates into me not being able to approach them.
I don't know wher to turn.

stkitt
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Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/4/2011 1:16 PM (GMT -6)   
canopus,
 
I am sorry to hear of your problems.  Coming here and sharing with us is a good way to get your issues re your situation out on the table.

Sometimes there can be resentment when one partner observes that their wife  is happy again. They may feel betrayed that they only saw the worst of them while their new friend is getting the best. IMHO this is the reason not to be living with your wife during a separation.
 
Either your wife wants her cake and to eat it too or she doesn’t really want to separate.  Try to sit down and talk this through with her.  It does feel like she should not be dating at the same time she is living with you and letting you pay for all.  Take care of yourself as you need to protect your own mental health.
 
With gentle kindness,
 
Kitt
 
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
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"If you can't change the world, change your world"

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42438
   Posted 5/4/2011 1:50 PM (GMT -6)   
I totally agree with Kitt, she wants her cake and to eat it too. I think you are being taken advantage of and if I were you, I would move out into my own place where you don't have to see what she is doing. That has to only be making it harder for you.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


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canopus
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/4/2011 3:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the advice. Although she has "moved on" I still fell it my responsibility to maintain the household. It is difficult and almost unbearable stressfull to see her come home after spending the night at his place. Know she is going away with him next weekend hurts, as well as knowing she has asked her family if she can bring him in to meet the family. Funny, he is also married, but separated with 2 children under 13.
I am just holding my own for my daughters sake, who I would give my world to. If I leave, I won't be with her. If I stay, I can't share my best with her.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/4/2011 5:23 PM (GMT -6)   
 
You sound like a really nice person that is getting a really bad deal.  You do not owe her  anything at this point.  She has  already attached herself to someone else. If she is going away for a week-end with the boyfriend can you be strong enough to tell her to stay away.
I know it hurts to let her go but hanging on to her is breaking you and your spirit. 
 
I am wondering why you feel you have to leave ?  If you have not had any court proceedings yet and nothing has been decided by the courts, can't you stay and be with your daughter and perhaps your wife could leave and be with her friend ? 
 
Fight for your daughter and know she is worth everything. 
 
Think about therapy for yourself.
 
Kindly,
Kitt

~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"
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