Hello and we do not judge here but you may get different opinions.
You are right, you seem to have a need to sabotage your relationships. You are now married and he does sound like a wonderful person. Before it is to late please see a therapist to help you work through why you feel the need to take a chance on ruining your family. Perhaps it was something in your past that is causing you to feel you do not deserved happiness.
You talk of your abusive stepfather - you may be destroying these relationships to make yourself feel like your getting atonement for what you have endured.
Please seek help as you deserve to be happy and not living in dread and turmoil.
~~Kitt~~Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease. www.healingwell.com"If you can't change the world, change your world"