I am loosing my grip

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barelyhangin
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 5/5/2011 2:50 AM (GMT -6)   
 I have fought a good fight..but I dont know how to keep on keeping on..Ive become so overwhelmed I feel as though I may be slipping and will not survive this..too long of a history/story for anyone to want to read really..but Im raising 4 yr old grandson whom, is why I am trying to hold on and continue fighting depression and maybe recover. I must be honest, I have been close to  tonight, which is why I am here..Im hanging on for him.2 kids of divorce, father abandoned..young adults now. I have a daughter who is unstable mentally and is mentally,verbally abusive to me.Im raising her son, she has a new baby she's raising, but Im not sure how long..My now husband and I are financially supporting all..mostly.Shes been with an mentally abusive bf for 4 yrs.They break up everyday.Today they arent togehter.Her new baby's bio dad is mia and cant be found for support,etc. She got her own place but quit her job.Now says going to work somewhere else but in the meantime, expects us to help.Of course we do for the baby's sake and the fact I cannot live with her again. My son was alcoholic from teens,I believe, then joined svc.Deployed to war @ 19.Came back 2.5 yrs later with PTSD and medically discharged.Has lost every job hes had since then, except this one. He self medicates with alcohol & now drugs..Now progressed to anything except herion I think..Just got on his own, but almost was fired dur to recent setback. He was sober for mos, then daughter let him know her x bf just attacked her,raped her, etc.In turn,my son goes off deepend and almost lost job but was on I believe,drug binge.If he loses job, he loses his apt;She could be evicted if we dont help with rent. If shes evicted she will be homeless and wnt go to shelter, she will go from place to place dragging her baby with her. I wont be able to handle it and end up raising another child, which I dont have to strength to do I dont think.She's dabbled in drugs herself. wont be good.My husband may be right but has cut them off financially and Im in a panic. I dont want to enable but my sons really  and daughter has a baby.I offered to take baby but she wont have it. dhr is a joke. Unless she's harming with evidence, you go through the chain and nothing done..My husband has been drinking alot and holds resentment toward me..not his kids,etc.He has been good and helped but doesnt stay up wondering if sons in a ditch, or calling to ck..or making sure baby is taken care of, etc..Im not functioning well and overwhelmed.I have been physically ill and questioning my own mental state @ this point. I know it sounds Jerry Springer but I really am a normal, God fearing, good mother..or thought I was. My husband drinking, I wont survive. I was raised in that and I will be a single grandmother if something doesnt change. I was raised by an alcoholic and I snap when my husband drinks. I told him it was a deal breaker with me before we married. I had a feeling it wasnt true but he stopped before we married due to the problems it caused us. I waited 10.5 yrs to marry him. I married him in March..this is May. He's drinking and said he really doesnt care if it bothers me and becomes hateful when he drinks..cant take much. Im on the edge..HELP?

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 5/5/2011 9:20:57 AM (GMT-6)


theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20186
   Posted 5/5/2011 4:52 AM (GMT -6)   
can you get support thru dept of human services or equivalent in your area? you have taken on a lot, may i suggest some counselling for you. you have been brave in posting, keep being brave and seek some help. with much healing compassion, jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER AXIS 1

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

Geosojda
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 262
   Posted 5/5/2011 7:26 AM (GMT -6)   
this is a heartbreaking story to read.......i'm sorry you must be a part of this. I guess my only advice is this, you need to take time for YOU. You have been giving yourself/your life for others when its clear that you need some help too. YOu can't fix everyone elses problems by taking them onto yourself. I can't imagine how hard it would be but think of the children and what kind of life they are being brought up in, maybe its best to get child services involved? I know this may sounds extreme, but it seems like it may be the best option for now. i can't imagine what you are going through....but i hope you can find some peace for YOU, prayers to you
When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

with your past and your future precisely divided, Am I at that moment?. . I haven't decided.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42436
   Posted 5/5/2011 9:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Barely hanging,

I know it sounds overwhelming what you are going through, but you do have to take care of youreslf and your family. We see things we don't necessarily aprove of. But there isn't a lot we can do about it. Just pray. I would try to stick close to imediate family and try to make it work. It is hard. I know. Seeing your son in such a state. But you have to take care of you, with no guilt. You are a good mother that is for sure. Keep hanging on. Hope for the best. Often when we try to help those who are into drugs, we end up enabling them. Try not to do that. I know it is easier said than done. Maybe you can get your son to go to counseling. That would help. You could probably use some yourself for support through all of this. Guidance is priceless.

I hope that things turn around soon. I did have to edit your post as we aren't allowed to discuss suicide on this forum. Do seek counseling for this. It is too much for you to handle alone.

Hugs, Karen

PS Keep posting.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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