Limsy, you're only a hypocrite if you proclaim a goal, knowing that you do not believe it to be right. You're not a hypocrite if you say you want to do something, and then you fail to do it sometimes. That's called being human - and until you fail, you can't understand others failings. And who knows, maybe your failures will help others here live with their own problems.
( If you want consistency, try porridge - you'll rarely find it in the human race !)
Have you recently changed meds by any chance ? Not to alarm you, but some of them are associated with impulsive behaviour, mood swings, etc, and the way you describe suddenly waking up with the wish to self-harm makes me wonder what the trigger was.
I don't agree with what you say about people only ever coping, not ever really being happy, and so on. But that's probably because I used to feel the same way, and nowadays my life could not be more different.
Being happy isn't something you try to do, it's most often a side-effect of what you do. When you get the world in focus, then you start to be able to see the flowers by the roadside. If you are managing to set and achieve goals, be they long-term or short-term, large or small, then you can take pride in yourself for what you manage to do, and generally you will feel happier because you feel you are entitled to whatever enjoyment you can find along the way.
Easier said than done, of course. Sometimes the thought patterns and negative emotions aren't the trigger for depression, but the result of a chemical imbalance - endogenous depression. I tried different antidepressants for ten years before I found one that would actually get rid of my Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Yes, I still get down; I'm depressed about the break up of a relationship, and about the fact that I have health problems that stop me doing what I want, and I cry in my sleep sometimes. And if I was to look at things in purely material terms, it's a crying shame that a man with my talents isn't earning megabucks and turning the world on its head, so I should be miserable. You could say I'm "just coping" by ignoring what I'm missing out on, and enjoying what little I do have.
But I've spent so much time screwing up and failing to finish things or simply standing by and watching without contributing, that now I find I recognise the situations and know what to do, what advice to give others. So even if I'm not where I want to be in my life, I can do a power of good for others, and that
is a joy that has to be felt to be believed.
Just by posting here - just by caring about the people in this world, instead of using them as so many do - you are helping who knows how many strangers to see that they are not alone in their imperfections, that the world isn't just full of those shiny happy people who coast along effortlessly (and don't give a darn).
Looking for perfection is a sure road to misery. Trying for "better" gives your self-esteem a chance.