My Husband Suffers From Depression

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Shawna L
New Member

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 5/6/2011 1:09 AM (GMT -6)   
My husband and I have been married for four years. I have kind of had the feeling for a while and even discussed it with my husband that perhaps he should seek help for depression. I have noticed things in the past four years that just didn't seem quite right. He finally decided to seek help and we have just started the evaluation and treatment process. I am looking for any support that other spouses of depressed people can offer. I don't think it is easy at all to suffer from depression, I recognize that it is a disease and I understand what that means. It is also very challenging being the other person in the marriage who doesn't suffer from depression. I posted an earlier message but deleted it because I felt like I sounded cold. I am not angry at my husband for having depression... I am hurt right now because while he is on his way to treatment... there are a lot of emotional scars that I carry as a result of my husband being depressed. I understand that the kind and supportive thing to do is to recognize that perhaps some or all of those things were beyond his control... but I don't KNOW that. I don't KNOW that he couldn't have done some things differently. I have spent most if not all of my marriage feeling like I am the problem, like I am not good enough and like I will never be what he wants or needs. It's just hard for the both of us. I really just want to know if any other spouses of depressed people have felt this way or what did you feel? How do you feel?

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 5/6/2011 7:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Shawna,

Just because you aren't the one with depression, doesn't mean you don't need some help coping. I highly suggest counseling to help you deal with your depressed spouse, especially when you have thought that you were to blame for his moods. It is so important for you to get some self esteem back. It effects the spouse greatly when one person is depressed. You will find once he gets help he will be bac k to the way he use to be and will be kind and compassionate again. He is just in a funk and that happens. We tend to take it out on the ones we love. We aren't afraid to show our moods. I am lucky, I have a very suppportive husband. He doesn't take anythingn I say personally. Though my depression has been in remission for a long time. Get some help for you. Do something nice for yourself. Talk to your husband, let him know how you feel, just try not to blame him. He can't help it.

I hope that this helps a little bit.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 5/6/2011 8:56 AM (GMT -6)   
I believe that counseling can also help you, as it seems you've got a lot to get out from all those years
and that you should seek out help from someone different than whom your husband is seeing. Your
husband probably doesn't even know how this has affected you over the years, so seek out help to get your
side aired out and then maybe down the road seek out marriage counseling, so this doesn't repeat.
Hope your feeling better soon and it is good that your husband is getting help, hope things can get
better for you both, keep us posted and well wishes...
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
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