Hello Chat Buddy and welcome to the Depression Forum,
I am sorry to read of your problems and I hope I can help you a bit.
Cross dressing remains somewhat of a mystery. IMHO, it is intensely personal. Without the need to justify the behavior, and no longer shamed by society perhaps we will be better able to answer this baffling question.
For you I would suggest that you seek therapy to help you get through all your issues. There is nothing wrong with being a lone if that is what you choose. Many people are happy being in their own company. I get the feeling that you are reaching for friends but have some issues with committment especially when choosing female companionship. Choosing someone that is already committed almost guarantees that you will not be in a relationship.
You posted, " Still, the past and crossdressing habits had affected me to a large extent, I'm scared that I'll end up alone and turn in to some weirdo."
You will not turn into a weirdo. You will get better with help. You seem like a very nice person and I hope you stick with us, we are here to support.
~~Kitt~~Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease. www.healingwell.com"If you can't change the world, change your world"