My spouse has stopped hugging, kissing and praising me

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New Member

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/8/2011 7:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi this is my first chat room. I was so overwhelmed today that I sought out the Internet for some help.

I've noticed lately that my husband/ best friend has stopped hugging, kissing, and praising me. I'm not usually a weak person, in fact most friends would immediatly describe me as an honest, good mannered, funny friend who is suffering coragously with stage 4 breast cancer with spreading to the bones mainly in my spine, hips, pelvis and thighs. All in all I'm in a great deal of pain all the time, but I'm usually in good spirits.

My husband returned from a 10 day business trip ystdy and when he arrived, he didn't even come in to see how I was doing. Even though I had to rely on my 3 kids ages 12-18, the whole time because the rest of the family is vacationing or busy. And while on chemo, I have to be careful who is around me for de ear of infections. So he came home and started reading his mail and get updates from the kids and then sat down to read the news paper. Didn't even come to our bed room, ask how i was doing. When he finally did come in, it was to complain about how the kids bike's hadn't been picked up from repair shop. No hug, no hello, no how are you doing.

Today was the confirmation to the daughter of friend. A big brunch party that I coulnt attend, but my husband attended. I was feeling pretty bad so I couldn't go, but when I felt better, I started making dinner for our family. This is a task I hardly have energy for, but I thought I would do something nice for the family. We ate and all he spoke of was a friend of his who wife was admitted falling down while skiing and hurting her back and now she has to go to the chiropractor. And all the while I'm wondering , I've been alone for 10 days suffering thru severe nausea and vomiting due to my 2 weeks od chemo, constant back pain and the thought that I need to wake up at 6:30 am so I can take my meds, have them work in time so I can make my kids breakfast and their lunches and then I crawl back to bed sleep until they come back school. And hope to god that I have the strength to be a proper mom, when they get home from school.

And yet my husband hasn't praised me for taking care of our kids and hasn't asked me how im doing or feeling and hasn't kissed or hugged me. Yet I'm sure he hugged and kissed everyone at the confirmation brunch and showed the proper amount of empathy for his friends wife, and made sure he praised the hostess for a lovely party.

I'm so sad, pls help me.

New Member

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/8/2011 8:09 PM (GMT -6)   
I really sound sad and pathetic. I'm considering just crawling under a rock. No wonder he doesn't appreciate me.

I got the blues
New Member

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/8/2011 8:42 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't think ou sound pathetic. You sound like you're lonely and probably need help in the house. I have the big C too and it sucks, but the main thing to do when you feel sad from something he said, or lack there of is to start a dialog and make sure you let him know how you feel and that you're hurting.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 5/9/2011 8:33 AM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Maybe you are putting on that smile and they don't realize how you feel. I agree with Blues, let them know you are sad and that you need some companionship. Let them know you are hurting. You don't have to be complaining, but have a talk with your husband and let him know how you feel. You said he was your friend too. He should understand. Keep posting. We are here for you. I am sorry again for your cancer. You are a fighter I can see that. You have friends here.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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