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Botak 42
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Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/11/2011 10:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, I have just been reading about a wife wanting space and I am in a similar world of pain at the moment.  My wife of 18 years (She is 42) left me a month ago and is now in a flat.  It all came about when she told me that she had been having an affair.  The sad thing is that the same night, she wanted to make love to me, our sex life has always been great, and I said no because of the way she had been over the previous few days, I said I tink your having an affair and then she hit me with it. 
She left the following day to her mums house, saying she needed time and space to sort her head out.  She said that the affair was over but even lied about who it was at first (to protect me) but I found out.  She continued to see him for about another week before it was ended, but I'm not 100% sure that it has.  I have spoken to him and his wife and they are working on their marriage, me well I'm in limbo. 
She told me today that she regretted the afffair but that she does not know now if she will get any feelings back for me and can make no promises.  She says the affair is definately over.  She has had a number of the symptoms of perimenopause and she is going to the Doctors tomorrow and is wanting to see a pyschotherapist.  I just do not know what to do.  In 2007, I was deeply unhappy and had an affair which she knows about, I came to my senses and I thought we had moved on, but we lost her dad just after my affair and she is now saying that my affair has given her doubts for the past four years, she has not got over the loss of her Dad and is re-evaluating her life.   I would never of had another affair, it hurt her so much and I have tried to devote my life to her since, she is the only reason I get up in the morning.  I feel so alone and so helpless, I just do not know what to do anymore?
Last night she asked that we stop contact and stop seeing each other for a few days to which I have agreed.  Having said that she sent me a text this morning and said that she will text me tomorrow on my big day (I have the final exam for my Degree)  At no point has she said that she does not love me, just that she is not in love with me?  She says that she is confused and needs time to sort out her own feelings before we can look at us.  This whole thing is so hard and I feel powerless to do anything.  A friend said that if it is hormonal, she will get better pretty quickly if they out her on medication.  She is going to the doctors this evening so that is a start.  She regrets the affair very much, hates him for what he has caused and I don't think she is able to forgive herself for what she has done to me, but heh, Its only what I deserve having done it to her a few years ago.  She forgave me, I have forgiven her.  She did say that she would never ever have another one knowing what she knows now.  If anyone out there, male or female, is in or has been in this situtation, from either standpoint, please get in touch.  What I need now is sound advice.  Thanks

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 5/11/2011 12:23 PM (GMT -6)   
I suggest that you give her the space she needs right now. It sounds like she still cares for you. She may even still love you, just not inlove. I wish you the best and I hope that somebody posts who has had experience with this. Keep posting. It helps to get it out.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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