Posted 5/11/2011 11:59 AM (GMT -7)
I'm quite new to this, so I'm not even sure if this is where I should post this, but I figure that SOMEONE will read this and then perhaps I'll get some feedback.
First off, I suppose I'll go off on how I'm feeling. I'm not quite sure to be honest.. I'm a tad confused and also quite upset. There are days where I'll cry randomly and not even know where the heck it came from. I'm not great with words so I apologize if you find me repeating things.. I do this to keep track of where I am in the story.
Now, I'll start near the beginning. I won't go to the full beginning, because that could take hours.. When I was 15 years old, my mother kicked me out of her house because I was a teenager going through a hard time and she didn't know how to deal with me. What had happened, was that I witness my best friend's suicide. I went through complete withdrawal. I refused to come out of my room and didn't want to even eat. My mother got fed up with trying to force me out of my room and told me to "pack my crap and get out." So, that's exactly what I did. I packed a duffel bag of my things and wandered the town for awhile. Spent a couple of nights alone at the park, sleeping under the slide. One day, I received a phone call from a friend asking what I'd been up to and I broke down and told him everything. He came to my rescue and allowed me to stay at his place.
I stayed there for awhile, and with much time of convincing, I went back to school. I caught up in my classes and graduated on time. Which was a small victory for me. I still live with my friend. I've couch surfed many places throughout the last few years (I'm 19, almost 20 now.) but ended up right back at their house. So for the last 2 years I've lived in a house with 7 men. I am the only female and this gets quite annoying. I love them all to pieces, honest I do, but they don't clean, cook, nothing. I am the woman, therefore I'm expected to do everything. And they verbally make that clear. So that's all I've ever known. I clean, cook and do everything for these men. Including my boyfriend. Well, I don't know what it is, I mean I've never really had a problem with it before, but lately I have been getting really moody and fed up with it. I don't mean to, but my brain is just getting exhausted.
I know it's silly, but all I want to do is be able to go out, have fun with all the other people my age. Y'know, going out to the bar, dancing, karaoke.. Things like that. Not necessarily drinking, because what's the point of getting something in your system that impairs your thinking? Anyways, but I'm sure you get my point. I just feel as though I'm stuck as a 'housewife' per se. I'm not sure what to do. And all my boyfriend does all day is play XBOX360. It's a pain in my ass. I have tried convincing him to get off his game and maybe go for a walk with me, just to get out of the house.. But the response I always get is: "One sec, babe. Just wanna get these achievements." It pisses me off, to say the least. But what am I supposed to do? I just suffer through it because I do love him. I can't sleep, because so many things run through my brain and I can't shut them off. It's bloody annoying.
So I suppose this is where YOU come in.. What should I do? How can I make this better? I have no idea where to go from here. No idea where my next step in life is...