I'm currently a high school grade 12 student with average high 60% grades; my grades can be higher if it weren't for my low self-esteem/ lack of wanting to continue my whole life through studies and work.
My family's financial situation isn't the best; we bought a new house ($595 000) and we're barely paying the bills on time. Everyone in my family works except for me; my father a manager position in a hotel, mom a hostess, brother a front desk guest care agent. My father always pushes me to make a choice between continuing my education on to University or finishing my school year and starting to work full time so that I have a good future.
I've thought long and hard about the future; I want to be a middle class person, have a good job with an excellent salary, but with this salary, I want to use it on others; become an entrepreneur and hire homeless people and give them shelter and steady job so that they don’t need to live in the streets (I believe that God has a purpose for us, and this is mine). But for all this to become a reality, I must get into University. But I cannot perform to my best ability because of depression.
My main problem is losing my girlfriend that I loved very much. We knew each other since grade 8, where she first confessed her infatuation to me – but my immature self-neglected it. After a year has passed, after we went to different high schools, I fell in love with her. Ironically I had to face the same fate as she felt a year ago, where she broke-up with me – and did not say why.
I’m unable to forget her/change my feelings towards her, therefor I just simply not talk to her (keep my distance from her).
I’ve seen a school counselor about a year ago but the meeting only made my problem seem more pathetic; here I am a 18 year old man, captain of a football team, but beaten to cripple by myself! I used to hold my head up high whereas now I can lick the ground without needing to get lower.
I understand that I can get a girlfriend if I wanted to, but I don’t want to. I can walk by the most appealing women and not become infatuated of her, and think, cherish the priceless moment’s I’ve spent with my x-girlfriend
My issue that I’m facing right now is that my grades are still in the 60s. And I cannot for fill my goal without reaching University, but that not all of the pressure, my parents wants me to get into University or get out of the house and complete my education or get a fulltime job and pay for rent.
I’m not sure why I can’t rap my head around becoming more focused, maybe its just that I’ve gotten used to being so depressed that I just don’t care anymore.
Thankyou for taking your time to read this, I hope you can give me a solution to how I can move on with my life.