Not sure what to do

Ok folks, I’m new to all of this but figured talking to people about what is going on can’t hurt so here goes.

 

I was just having a discussion with my significant other about how dependant I can be on people and how much I hate being alone. I have days where it is ok to be alone and I can find something to bide my time, but usually I get real antsy about being by myself. I’ve looked into therapy but it just doesn’t fit into my budget. For the past 5 months I’ve lived alone, but was also bidding my time with an online relationship that I recently ended. I’m seeing someone new that I really enjoy spending time with but she has noticed my need for people and it concerns her. She has her own life and things to do but feels that I am to dependant on her. For the past several years my life has consisted of going to work and coming home to be online with my Internet relationship. I don’t have many friends, and I have no real interests or hobbies. I love being outdoors, but its still winter in my part of the world and not a lot is going on out there yet.

 

She and some of my friends have told me that I need to try new things to fill my time and be ok with myself… But what do I try? Classes can be costly and so can some hobbies be. I’ve tried looking on the Internet for hobbies, but the response is so overwhelming that I can’t seem to pick just one that I want to try. It just ends up making my mind race. I have the doors of opportunity within my reach, but what door do I open? Anyone have any advise at what to do? I don’t want to end up pushing away another relationship like I have done so many times in the past due to my issues.

Thanks for the advice sherriedav. I have looked into couseling and am still looking. Unfortunately my insurance coverage only covers half of the cost for 12 visits per year. Not a lot can get done in 12 visits. And for now it isnt working into my budget. So I am still on the look out. In the past I've tried a few different medications but they always seem to either make me very very tired or very hyper and bouncing off the walls. And I've tried taking each of them for at least 8 weeks so that they reach their proper levels. I dont have a problem sleeping and cant stand feeling tired all the time. Feeling hyper isn't much of an option either, I get too agitated and angry. So for now Im left to my own devices. Will have to look into some of the books out there, cuz now I am at a loss as what to do about the way I feel.

Melinda

I know what it is like to be dependent on other people. I didn't realize how dependent I was on others until I seperated from my wife of 20 years a while back. I have found since then that by reaching out to others, looking for ways that I can help my friends and community, and by searching for the good in myself (not always an easy task) has helped me decrease my need to rely on others for my happiness. Self validation is difficult to do, but is much stronger than outside balidation. Good luck in finding happiness in yourself.

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We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.

I feel the same Melli , i hate being alone so much and thats why i decided to live with my parents untill i get married. i moved to the city they live in and found a job here and since then i have bin getting better. i spent 1 year alone in one city with no friends and no family there and i was going crazy.

There is more to it. when your alone you do things that you enjoy doing alone and give you a sense of feeling that you are accimplishing something alone and gives you the illusion that you don't need anybody else. that could be any hobby you may chooze. i indulged in sports for a while , then i moved to internet games but after a while you get boared of doing the same activity over and over and suddenly you realize you hate doing activities alone.

Now i reached a stage that, i hate to go joging alone i just can't do it anymore. used to like doing that it but i'm more intrested in group activities.

I feel very lucky that i have my parents and family behind me , i love them and they love me and we support each other and make each other happy. we do have our difirences but we try to look on the bright side.

I am slowly trying to open up to my old friends and infact today a very old friend called me and i was so happy to know he is living in the same city i am in now so maybe we will meet up soon, he is one of the closest friends. hang tight to your friends everyone of them , visit them when you can , and don't loose touch with them. good friends are jeuls, what i mean by good friends those who really love you from their heart and care for you its hard to find those. .and if one of your friends doesn't have the time don't feel bad just look on the bright side. maybe another friend you have forgoten is not buesy so go see him instead!

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                                                     To be or not to Be