Not sure what to do

Melli

New Member

Joined : Mar 2005

Posts : 15

Posted 3/12/2005 4:49 PM (GMT -7)

Ok folks, I’m new to all of this but figured talking to people about what is going on can’t hurt so here goes.

I was just having a discussion with my significant other about how dependant I can be on people and how much I hate being alone. I have days where it is ok to be alone and I can find something to bide my time, but usually I get real antsy about being by myself. I’ve looked into therapy but it just doesn’t fit into my budget. For the past 5 months I’ve lived alone, but was also bidding my time with an online relationship that I recently ended. I’m seeing someone new that I really enjoy spending time with but she has noticed my need for people and it concerns her. She has her own life and things to do but feels that I am to dependant on her. For the past several years my life has consisted of going to work and coming home to be online with my Internet relationship. I don’t have many friends, and I have no real interests or hobbies. I love being outdoors, but its still winter in my part of the world and not a lot is going on out there yet.

She and some of my friends have told me that I need to try new things to fill my time and be ok with myself… But what do I try? Classes can be costly and so can some hobbies be. I’ve tried looking on the Internet for hobbies, but the response is so overwhelming that I can’t seem to pick just one that I want to try. It just ends up making my mind race. I have the doors of opportunity within my reach, but what door do I open? Anyone have any advise at what to do? I don’t want to end up pushing away another relationship like I have done so many times in the past due to my issues.

sherriedav

New Member

Joined : Mar 2005

Posts : 15

Posted 3/14/2005 7:55 AM (GMT -7)

Hi Melli, I know just what you are talking about. Clinging to someone is a bad habbit of mine and i get really depressed being alone. My couselor told me it is from my depression. I have done many stupid things to mask my depression. I was an alcholic, druggie, and very sexually active. Then i turned to relationships and held on tightly to my partner. My youngest goes to school next year and I'm already have panic attacks just thinking about being alone. If you can afford counseling than try books about depression. Some are very helpfull. The best thing is you can go to the book store to read it and then you are getting out at the same time. I would also talk to your primary Dr. about maybe getting meds. to help. Just finding something to do will help alot to. O.k. I've rambbled on for to long. Sorry. goodluck and I will be watching for you to post again. :) -

_^Sherrie

Melli

New Member

Joined : Mar 2005

Posts : 15

Posted 3/14/2005 9:55 AM (GMT -7)

Thanks for the advice sherriedav. I have looked into couseling and am still looking. Unfortunately my insurance coverage only covers half of the cost for 12 visits per year. Not a lot can get done in 12 visits. And for now it isnt working into my budget. So I am still on the look out. In the past I've tried a few different medications but they always seem to either make me very very tired or very hyper and bouncing off the walls. And I've tried taking each of them for at least 8 weeks so that they reach their proper levels. I dont have a problem sleeping and cant stand feeling tired all the time. Feeling hyper isn't much of an option either, I get too agitated and angry. So for now Im left to my own devices. Will have to look into some of the books out there, cuz now I am at a loss as what to do about the way I feel.

Melinda

sherriedav

New Member

Joined : Mar 2005

Posts : 15

Posted 3/15/2005 7:53 AM (GMT -7)

melli, I have heard that exercise will help with the feeling tired. unfortunatly I haven't worked myself up to that yet.(lol I'm to tired!)I have also heard alot about light boxes but they are to pricey for me :(
.I have also heard that tanning work almost as good as light boxes so I'm going to try that. When I can get a sitter. It's only 3 bucks a visit here so I think I can work into my buget. I hope some of this helpsyou. Its tuff to find what helps in depression . Mostly because depression can be cause by so many thing and everybody is different in mind and chemical make up. From what I've found on this site it's try and try again until you find what helps. Good luck. hope to hear from you again.-bye

_^Sherrie

CheerDad

Veteran Member

Joined : Apr 2004

Posts : 2284

Posted 3/15/2005 10:06 PM (GMT -7)

I know what it is like to be dependent on other people. I didn't realize how dependent I was on others until I seperated from my wife of 20 years a while back. I have found since then that by reaching out to others, looking for ways that I can help my friends and community, and by searching for the good in myself (not always an easy task) has helped me decrease my need to rely on others for my happiness. Self validation is difficult to do, but is much stronger than outside balidation. Good luck in finding happiness in yourself.

We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.

Randy

Melli

New Member

Joined : Mar 2005

Posts : 15

Posted 3/16/2005 1:49 PM (GMT -7)

Well Ive decided to go back into therapy. I finally found someone that is taking new clients, so we will see what happens from there. I am so sick of feeling like crap and running people away that I am willing to do something about it now. Maybe the last quick little relationship has given me a chance to look at what I don't like about myself, and be able to make the changes I need, hopefully anyway. everyone keep me in your thoughts and prayers..

Akram

Veteran Member

Joined : Feb 2005

Posts : 616

Posted 3/17/2005 4:13 AM (GMT -7)

I feel the same Melli , i hate being alone so much and thats why i decided to live with my parents untill i get married. i moved to the city they live in and found a job here and since then i have bin getting better. i spent 1 year alone in one city with no friends and no family there and i was going crazy.

There is more to it. when your alone you do things that you enjoy doing alone and give you a sense of feeling that you are accimplishing something alone and gives you the illusion that you don't need anybody else. that could be any hobby you may chooze. i indulged in sports for a while , then i moved to internet games but after a while you get boared of doing the same activity over and over and suddenly you realize you hate doing activities alone.

Now i reached a stage that, i hate to go joging alone i just can't do it anymore. used to like doing that it but i'm more intrested in group activities.

I feel very lucky that i have my parents and family behind me , i love them and they love me and we support each other and make each other happy. we do have our difirences but we try to look on the bright side.

I am slowly trying to open up to my old friends and infact today a very old friend called me and i was so happy to know he is living in the same city i am in now so maybe we will meet up soon, he is one of the closest friends. hang tight to your friends everyone of them , visit them when you can , and don't loose touch with them. good friends are jeuls, what i mean by good friends those who really love you from their heart and care for you its hard to find those. .and if one of your friends doesn't have the time don't feel bad just look on the bright side. maybe another friend you have forgoten is not buesy so go see him instead!

To be or not to Be

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