I'm a door mat

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gizzmo28429
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/18/2011 6:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey I am new here and have never really asked for advice because I feel I know all the right answers.  But I can;t seem to do the things I know I should.  I have been in an on again off again relationship with this guy for 10 years.  I know I would be better off without him.  HE drinks and get verbally abusive. He doesn't work and steals any change laying around the house to buy the beer.  I he fusses at me for not letting him drive my extra vehicle to go find a job, (because he would drink and drive and not come home for day)  I know I need to get rid of him but I care about him and cant put him out on the street.  His family wont let him live with them nor does he have any friends that he hasnt screwed over to the point that they wont let him crash there.  Please help. 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 5/18/2011 6:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Think of it as what you are doing is enabling him. That will help you get on the right track. Then send him to a mission or something. Or a homeless shelter. He does need to get a job, but he needs help from his drinking and may have to take some kind of public transport. It can be done. I don't blame you for not wanting him to take your car if he is going to drink and drive.

I am glad I am not in your shoes. That must be difficult. But the sound of it people are on to his game. And it sounds like it is going to come to an end. He is running out of options. You aren't his keeper, so don't feel guilty if you can no longer help him.


Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

gizzmo28429
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/18/2011 7:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I have been on line all after noon trying to find some kind of shelter or mission for him to go with not much luck.  Even if he goes  it will only be for a day or two till he gets drunk and they throw him out,  I have let him sleep on the streets a few times over the years but that is only because he didn't know where I lived and couldnt show up here drunk and crying an begging.  I cant say no to that person.  It the jerk that he can become in the blink of and eye.  I just wish he would leave and get the help he needs
 

bbomber
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 30
   Posted 5/18/2011 7:39 PM (GMT -6)   
I want to tell you a AHA.. moment for me.  I was sitting on my front porch,my live-in boyfriend that had finally moved out again had just visited me sitting on my front porch,  He wanted to come back.  My tenant upstairs and to this day friend drove up and ask me whats wrong, I said Larry just came by and wanted to get back,  maybe...........I should try again.   Kim immediatly said don't you remember when he did this and that and etc.  She made me remember the crap that I had forgotten and just was remembering good moments.  She brought me back to reality.  Kim said Remember when he did this..remember that...I had forgotten all the bad,,and she reminded me of it.  I thank her to this day for that moment she stopped by my house and remimded me of the reality of being with Larry.  When time passes we forget the bad times.   We need to remember these times so we don't go back,and Kim that day told me why I was not going back, cause I forgot the bad stuff.  She,,,,,,,,,was a very good friend

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 5/18/2011 9:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Even if he messes up in the shelter, you don't have to take him back in. He will then have to make some decisions for himself. And will probably get the help that he needs. Your intentions are so good, but I am afraid that the help that he gets from you is just enabling him to drink more. So you are best off getting him out of there and into a facility that can help him. Can he hold a job? Does he try? Just curious.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 5/19/2011 3:03 AM (GMT -6)   
rehab is the only answer. with compassion, jamie.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.
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