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snakemp
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 5/22/2011 4:52 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm 19 years old and have been living with this sadness for many years now... I have always been a great actor putting up the front of being happy and enjoying life when I truly feel so alone and robbed... I was taken from my home by my mom and went to another country and from that point of life when I was 8 I never could feel truly happy anymore...

I have managed to enjoy some things such as going to concerts and movies where I just forget about everything and live the moment but I can't do that always and I can't run away from what I feel. I have lost friends who have been killed by accidents and I lost the life I truly wanted and between discrimination for what I believe in, racialized (yes even though I am mostly caucasian looking in case people wonder why I put this), was bullied against for the country which I love and was born in... amongst many other things...

I have some friends that I love deeply and I truly want to be a good friend and have tried always to be that way but I have come to a turn point in life where my feelings no longer can be contained and I've been filled with them...

Any help or words would be nice I just can't live like this anymore... and before people talk about seeing counseling or talking to my parents I have and neither have workd specially considering that through the 11 years I spent in this other country I saw 3 separate counselors it's not the way for me...

I just want to try and be happy again without being scrutinized for my actions by my dad or just... idk anymore...

Anyone please help me I just really wish to see some words...

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 5/22/2011 5:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Snakemp,
 
Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum.  I am glad that you have joined us but sorry that you aren't feeling good emotionally.  Could it be possible that you just haven't hooked up with the right counselor?  Are you completely honest with them?  If you aren't, then they can't help you. 
 
Here are a couple of sites that might help you with your process:
 
 
I am not sure that these will help you, but you can always give it a try. 
 
It is hard when we have to move away from our friends.  It takes time to make friends.  And good friends are hard to come by.  If you have one in your lifetime, you are lucky.  What country are you living in and where were you from?  It would give us a better understanding if we knew. 
 
Please keep posting.  Know that we all care.
 
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

snakemp
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 5/22/2011 5:39 PM (GMT -6)   
I just finally moved back to the states in february and living in california. I have been nothing but honest to them and they've tried and nothing helps because I don't feel any connection at all... and after they just went with the classic method of trying to drug me I never would forgive my mom to trying that on me and won't go there... I might try them but I don't even know anymore what I want... I luckily have a real friend in flesh and blood that I've managed to keep friends with no matter the time and distance... I just also am so depressed cause of all the different things going with lies and or truth's that are appearing in my only relationship... I just don't know what to believe anymore and feel empty inside

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 5/23/2011 8:13 AM (GMT -6)   
Being up rooted like you were would certainly be hard on anyone...your blessed to have a good friend
try to stay connected with this one person and try to make some friends in California, your 19 now and in the States
that makes you an adult, so you don't have to move with your family anymore...Maybe start thinking about going
to University or College, just something to consider....wish I knew what else to say...keep on venting, we'll be here to try and help.
well wishes to you
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

snakemp
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 5/23/2011 11:18 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you and I have been attending college ever since I have gotten back. I just have had a hard time with classmates working and none being able to truly hang out. My best friend and I try to stay in touch which is always good.

Now the piece that was hurting me the most lately was what my ex was hiding from me and last night we managed to talk and she told me the whole truth... which sucks and though I want to also forget about her and should probly hate her for what she's done I can't because I love her... I love her so much I was ready to get the ring and was actually preparing it. Life hurts but a new day has started for me and now I just am trying to cope with the day at hand.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 5/23/2011 12:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Stay focussed on the now. One day at a time. I am sorry about your ex. But better now than later, it would of hurt more.

I hope that you feel better soon. Do keep posting and let us know what is going on.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

snakemp
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 5/23/2011 12:52 PM (GMT -6)   
I am trying to do exactly that and though I was skeptic about this place... it's helped me out a lot. My heart still feels shattered and it will stay that for a while I know but I am fighting to work it out and keep things at bay. I at least had a friendly conversation with her and ended on a good note I would like to believe... this is the last thing I said to her before she left the other day:

I love you and have always loved you ***... if you ever need a place to go your always welcome anything you can come talk to me i'll be there.

I prefer not to mention her name that's why I censored it out but that is it...

I just am having to work on things I really have no interest or energy working on truthfully but I have to because college doesn't rest up. This sadness haunts me and I will admit I can't rebuild any barrier I had anymore it's simply not possible anymore.

I just wish things could become simple again

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42430
   Posted 5/23/2011 1:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Focus on your college for now, it is almost over for the summer, am I right? You probably are having exams. Don't let that go because that is all that you have at the moment. Keep as focussed as you possibly can. The rest will fall into place if you have your priorities straight. And right now that is taking care of you. I am sure you feel empty at this point, but the void will fill again. Mark my words. You will find love again. And it will probably be when you least expect it.

Take care, have a good day.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

snakemp
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 5/23/2011 1:15 PM (GMT -6)   
It will empty I hope... there have only truly been 2 girls in my life that I have loved and my ex... she's the only girl I thought loved me back fully but anyway. I am focusing on college and though I will have to study through the summer as well to get my bearings again I will work it out.

Thank you very much for the words and I will do my best. You 2 have a good day.
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