I just don't know what to do anymore.

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New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/24/2011 7:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Everyone says I have a "strong" personality. And that I can make it through anything. But I HAVE to be strong, if I prove that I'm weak, everyone will just walk all over me.
I'm only fourteen, why does everyone put pressure on me?
I'm basically screamed at on a regular basis, and I may be pregnant.
But if I am pregnant, I'm going to live for my baby, I won't do anything that could harm the little life inside my body just to make myself feel better. (I used to smoke and drink or whatever else I could do to ease pain, I gave that all up just in case I am pregnant)
I've finally realized that I need help, but I'm scared to ask for it, because I know no one would listen anyway.
I really, truly, hate myself.
No matter what, I feel like it's not going to change. I need to accept that as well.
I just really need someone to talk to and help me through this time, because since I'm always the "funny and bubbly" person at school, I can't go to anyone about my problems.
And I think that's what depresses me the most.
I also feel like I've been depressed my whole life. I constantly thought about running away from my family or trying some way to get away from everyone, even at a young age.
I haven't been clinically diagnosed with depression, but I have taken a few online tests (I know not to trust the whole-heartedly) and on the one, you have a pretty big chance of being depressed if you answer five out of the ten questions "yes." I answered nine of them with "yes."
But back to the pregnancy situation. I'm constantly stressing out and crying over such little things, and I'm always overreacting now, I just can't hold it in anymore. I feel like all the stress could really be hurting my unborn child, if I do have one inside me. (I'm going to take a blood test soon, I hope.)
I just feel like my life is falling apart, but, to be honest, now that I vented so much, I feel a little better.
I just hope I can make it through this.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 5/24/2011 8:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

I am glad that venting helped you to feel better. And what a better place than HW.

I am glad that you are staying clean and sober for the baby, if there is one. You are very young, but it sounds like you have a lot of common sense.

I take it you can't talk to your family. You can do a home pregnancy test too you know. Or are you going to the doctor. I think that they do urine tests for pregnancyy too. Not sure about that. But that is a wise move if you are. Get a physical while you are at it if you can.

Your moodiness could be hormones if you are pregnant. It can definately do that to you. So some of this might be normal. And you shouldn't take most antidepressants if you are.

Keep posting. I truly am glad that you feel better. don't hate yourself. You are a good person. You should love yourself.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Comfortable Lies
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/24/2011 10:34 PM (GMT -6)   
getting by said...
Hi there,

I am glad that venting helped you to feel better. And what a better place than HW.

I am glad that you are staying clean and sober for the baby, if there is one. You are very young, but it sounds like you have a lot of common sense.

I take it you can't talk to your family. You can do a home pregnancy test too you know. Or are you going to the doctor. I think that they do urine tests for pregnancyy too. Not sure about that. But that is a wise move if you are. Get a physical while you are at it if you can.

Your moodiness could be hormones if you are pregnant. It can definately do that to you. So some of this might be normal. And you shouldn't take most antidepressants if you are.

Keep posting. I truly am glad that you feel better. don't hate yourself. You are a good person. You should love yourself.

Hugs, Karen


Hi getting by. (:
about an hour after posting this, I started my period. Thank God.
But I'm still staying sober, I can't take any more chances.
I can't talk to my family about anything, my grandma told me that if I ever got pregnant, I would be kicked out.
I have 2 home pregnancy tests that I had my cousin get for me last night. Although I don't need them anymore.
I don't take antidepressants, I don't take medicine for depression, at all.
Thank you very much. I'm trying to work on my self-esteem.
Thanks again!

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 5/25/2011 1:30 AM (GMT -6)   
keep strong. we are here for you, jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 5/25/2011 8:11 AM (GMT -6)   
I am glad that you started. You are very young and a baby takes a lot away from us. We have to make that the center of attention for years to come. Now you can work on you. I am sure you are relieved, but also think you would have made a good mom. I am glad that you are staying clean and sober. That is the best way when we have emotional issues. That gives us a clear mind to work on things.

All the best to you,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Comfortable Lies
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/25/2011 8:10 PM (GMT -6)   
getting by said...
I am glad that you started. You are very young and a baby takes a lot away from us. We have to make that the center of attention for years to come. Now you can work on you. I am sure you are relieved, but also think you would have made a good mom. I am glad that you are staying clean and sober. That is the best way when we have emotional issues. That gives us a clear mind to work on things.

All the best to you,

Hugs, Karen

Yes, I have to make sure that I'm fixed before I can even think about kids. And thank you very very much. That means a lot to me.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 5/26/2011 7:21 AM (GMT -6)   
You are very welcome, please do keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Comfortable Lies
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/26/2011 9:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, today, I've been crying basically all day.
I'm so stressed about passing my classes that I'm starting to shake without control.
I don't know what's wrong with me, to be honest.
But I hope it stops soon. ):

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 5/27/2011 6:30 AM (GMT -6)   
Try bto relax and breathe in through the nose and out through tthe mouth. Keep doing that until you calm down. It slows the hearrate down and stops you from having an anxiety attack. It sounds like your anxiety is up due to exams. You will be fine, just breathe.

Hugs, Karen

Know that we are all here for you.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

BerryBlonde81
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 157
   Posted 5/28/2011 4:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there, I too was very depressed at a young age, finally I had to get help and I was put on my first anti-depressant. Dont feel that you would a failure, or anything if you sought help and got on a medication. Life is so stressful as it is, and at 15 1/2 I was on my first med. It really did help, and I was able to finish school. I am sorry that you may have a difficult home life, just a little longer and you can be on your own -- but for right now, you have to push through and throw yourself into your studies, that way you know you will pass your classes, and if you can get a roommate to help with cost you can probably get a rental after you are 18.

You can always work and go to school....I am glad that you started too, having a baby at such a young age would only make you feel more stressed....self esteem has to start with you, you have to make a huge effort to heal yourself and know that you are a beautiful amazing person worthy of being loved. Dont let low self esteem put you in a bad relationship with a boy either, just in case you may be in a bad one with one who does not deserve you...remember you are only 14 and may have not found "the one".

I am only 30 but have a lot of experience in the "what I should have done different" department. Boys are not going to make you feel better or raise youself esteem, you will have to do that from within.

Remember you have the power and control in this life, I hope that you will find it a good thing to see a good doctor, a psychiatrist who will understand what you are dealing with and who will monitor you and assist you with the best treatment so that you can live a good happy and fulfilling life. There is no need to suffer any longer. Take this from someone who has been there done that.

God Bless and keep us posted!
Stephanie
Bipolar II - Second Opinion Diagnosed 4/11/2011
Fibromyalgia - Diagnosed 12/2009
Zoloft 1996-2002?
Paxil 20mg 2002?-2011
Paxil 30mg 1/28/11-4/4/11 -- back down to 20mg :(
Switching Meds:
4/11/11 Paxil 20mg; Cymbalta 30mg nightly
4/18/11 Paxil 10mg; Cymbalta 60mg nightly
4/24/11 No Paxil; Cymbalta 60mg nightly
Depakote upped to 750mg 5/17/11
Klonopin .5 as needed
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