Everyone says I have a "strong" personality. And that I can make it through anything. But I HAVE to be strong, if I prove that I'm weak, everyone will just walk all over me.
I'm only fourteen, why does everyone put pressure on me?
I'm basically screamed at on a regular basis, and I may be pregnant.
But if I am pregnant, I'm going to live for my baby, I won't do anything that could harm the little life inside my body just to make myself feel better. (I used to smoke and drink or whatever else I could do to ease pain, I gave that all up just in case I am pregnant)
I've finally realized that I need help, but I'm scared to ask for it, because I know no one would listen anyway.
I really, truly, hate myself.
No matter what, I feel like it's not going to change. I need to accept that as well.
I just really need someone to talk to and help me through this time, because since I'm always the "funny and bubbly" person at school, I can't go to anyone about my problems.
And I think that's what depresses me the most.
I also feel like I've been depressed my whole life. I constantly thought about running away from my family or trying some way to get away from everyone, even at a young age.
I haven't been clinically diagnosed with depression, but I have taken a few online tests (I know not to trust the whole-heartedly) and on the one, you have a pretty big chance of being depressed if you answer five out of the ten questions "yes." I answered nine of them with "yes."
But back to the pregnancy situation. I'm constantly stressing out and crying over such little things, and I'm always overreacting now, I just can't hold it in anymore. I feel like all the stress could really be hurting my unborn child, if I do have one inside me. (I'm going to take a blood test soon, I hope.)
I just feel like my life is falling apart, but, to be honest, now that I vented so much, I feel a little better.
I just hope I can make it through this.