So it has been awhile... I have been hiding it feels like a big dark hole has sucked me in and there isn't any way out. This is the first attempt to try to stop myself from shutting down. I can't ansrew my phone no matter who calls the thought of having to explain myself for what i don't understand scares me. Reaching out seems trivial because it feels like this state of mind is inevitable, so what if i have a good few days or weeks? People will start to think they can count on me again and i will fall down again and dissapoint them some more and give myself more reasons to feel guilty and ashamed. It just hurts so much to struggle like this.
Was supposed to start pristiq after lowering my zoloft from 100mg to 50mg was supposed to see my doc 2 weeks ago. But just took my first pristiq today(50mg). I'm hiding from my doc too, how pathetic. Was supposed to find a counselor so i called but have yet to go get the new patient paperwork. It makes me axnious to go in with a baby on my hip what will they think?
Taking this new med scares me what if i put all of these chemicals in my body and it doesn't even help. Been taking my xanax spareingly afraid to call in for a refill because... well i don't know why i take it like i am supposed to because taking too much freaks me out too.
It feels like i am trying my very hardest but not going any where at all.
Please help me understand what i can do i am drowning and am so tired. I miss being happy its getting so hard to remember things, i miss myself.
Thankyou for reading.