what's the first step to helping myself?

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New Member

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/27/2011 9:28 AM (GMT -6)   
I think I've had some form of depression for some years now. I feel like I've been treading water for a while, I have all the good intentions in the world about starting over or trying to improve myself, and yet every time I press self-destruct again and manage to monumentally mess everything up for myself. I procrastinate everything at work because I have such little motivation, and yet people think of me as a workaholic because I take on as many overtime hours as possible just to distract me from having to go home and spend time alone with myself and my bad thoughts. I live from paycheck to paycheck because I'm really bad at being responsible for my future, and this has sometimes got me into trouble, although not anything serious, I'm sure it could be more serious one day. And yet I don't change anything, I can't seem to help it because I don't really in the moment care much about my wellbeing to sufficiently change. Sometimes I think that part of me wants to mess everything up for myself to a point of no return because I feel like I don't really deserve anything better anyway.

I'm at a point of extremely low self-esteem and self-hatred. In the last nine months or so, its been getting worst and worst and worst to the detriment of friendships - most days are an effort to get out of bed and when I get home from work, all I do is go back to sleep - I feel like the bad feelings are starting to overwhelm me physically and all I want to do is curl up and sleep, or die. I've recently moved out of where I was living before in an attempt to get away from "party" people I thought were an overwhelmingly negative influence in my life, and although I can see areas where things have definitely improved without them, I am of course now extra lonely and wondering how I can start to finally fix things and feel happier. I've reached out to other friends, both in person and by email as I live in a foreign country and so my past friends are spread around different continents, and actually my complaints have been met with complete indifference. The emails are thus far unanswered, and the people I tell in person don't seem to take me seriously. The way that they've brushed it aside when i've tried to ask for help has left me feeling humiliated and ridiculous, and writing here really feels like a last resort. It makes me feel very paranoid about the type of person I must come across as as opposed to the one I try to be, or thought I was, if nobody can even be bothered to reply to a desperate email. And this fills me with self pit and regret. I've started to think that if I had an off switch to my life right now I would push it in a heartbeat, and just write myself off and give up.

I would appreciate any advise on how to get started with getting some self-esteem and confidence back and trying to be a better person. I've made a lot of mistakes and I want to make them right in this lonely and sobering time. Thanks.

Precious Gem
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 5/27/2011 9:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Sorry to hear you are low right now.  My only advice to you, is that if you want to be well, you are going to have to change your whole life.  If the way you are currently living is not working, dump it for a new plan.  I think reaching out for help when you need it is a very wise thing to do.  But ultimately you have to help yourself.  Go to your Dr., get a physical, there could be a physical problem causing your depression, clean up your diet, stop working all the OT unless it really makes you happy - you should have a life outside of work - it is important to balance work/home/fun etc.  I was turned onto a website not long ago that has some very valuable information about helping yourself, DoctorYourself.com, lots of good info there, not discouraging you from getting medical attention when you need it just providing commonsense regarding your health.  Last but not least, figure out what excites you in life, what makes you happy, there has to b something, and maybe it is far fetched and something that you cannot grasp immeditely but if you want to pursue something bad enough, you can find ways to take little steps everyday to get you closer to your goal.  Money?  There is an old saying that a fool and his money are soon parted.  Try and find some way to save some for a rainy day, thus relieveing stress, anxiety and depression over financial matters.
Hope there is something in the above rant tha will help you.  Nothing is impossible, follow what makes ou happy.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42224
   Posted 5/27/2011 11:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Tya,

Welcome to the forum. You got some really good advice from Gem. I agree with seeing a doctor and getting a physical. Also maybe start with some counseling. You are reaching out and a counselor would give you some good feedback. Plus support. A lot of us go to counseling and that is what keeps us afloat.

Coming here was a good step. I am glad that you found us. Know that everybody here is very kind and compassionate. We have also been what you are going through, some of us are still struggling. So we are all in the same boat.

Do keep posting. Learn to take life one day at a time. When we feel the way that you are, we have to do that pretty much.

Do take care,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20119
   Posted 5/29/2011 2:21 AM (GMT -6)   
yes we are for you. you have been given some wonderful info. i am in therapy and it has been the best move i have made in going back-after a very long period. beleive in you, ok. keep posting and many hugs for you.
-jamie #hugs#


New Member

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/30/2011 4:37 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the comments; Gem I found your advice particularly useful and the doctoryourself.com site is great. so many thanks.

This morning I woke up so inexplicably miserable that I couldn't get out of bed. I called in sick to work and just lay there. And then around midday, I got up and thought - this just can't go on, I have to pull myself out of it. I don't want you to think that I'm just sitting around feeling sorry for myself, I really can't stop these feeling or this physically paralyzing misery as much as I want to. Around lunchtime I finally found some energy to get up, had a shower, and felt a bit better. I decided that the worst thing to do would be to mope around at home and so I called many different friends and asked them if they wanted lunch or dinner or something. Nobody replied, even after some hours. I really had to fight the urge to just get back under my covers and cry, but I managed to go out and have lunch with myself. That was a big step. Gem, you're totally right that only I can help myself with this. I walked around for a while and then came home and started to do all the things I've been neglecting for way longer than I should have - replacing food in the cupboards, laundry, etc - its a good thing it's only me I have to take care of, I can't imagine having to do this with a family in tow and I really admire anyone who is going through this and having to stay strong for other people at the same time. It makes me and my stupid feelings seem a bit indulgent, which in turn makes me hate myself even more - I shouldn't be finding it this hard to snap out of it...

anyway, I'm babbling now but I just wanted to say thanks. I'm looking as we speak for a counsellor who can speak English in my city and feeling just a little bit more hopeful about getting better. Thanks! Tya

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 86
   Posted 6/12/2011 11:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Never feel stupid or that your problems are small compared to someone else. You are struggling and it's hard but admitting that there is something wrong is the first step. I have found that journaling helps me. Also, do you like to excersice? I found that helps me, althought I haven't been able to lately due to surgery. Yoga is a great way to balance your mind and your body. It's a constant fight everyday to not let the darkness take over. Make up some positive enforcement words and put them on index cards all around your place. Remind yourself you are not alone and are important.
borderline personality disorder, bi polar II, fibromayalgia, anxiety, depression, self mutilation, chronic pain sufferer
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