I'm a 14 year old girl and I think I may be clinically depressed. Depression runs in my family, my grandmother was depressed, crazy infact. My aunt used to draw pictures of her family. She would draw pictures of she, her three brothers (my dad and two uncles), and her father (my grandad) and my grandmother far away on the other side of the page sad and lying in a bed. My sister tried to kill her self a little over a year ago after her boyfriend cheated on her. She got some help, she saw a therapists and, as far as I know, she is still taking her medicine. I've been really, really sad for a few months recently, when I started my eight grade year, I guess. Tons of new things were introduced to me, and there was a lot of tension and stress. I've noticed I get highly irritable more frequently, I'm very tired, I'm always hungry, and I don't like talking about
my feelings. I've been diagnosed with type one diabetes since I was 9 years old and it's so hard dealing with it. I think people think I'm happy, by lately, I've noticed I'm not at all. The other night I became very emotional, I cried excesivley around half an hour or so then this thought occured to me. A very vivd thought of came to me, and it scared me. I sat up in my bed and began screaming, then I ran downstairs to my mom and broke down. I've had thoughts of before, but never paid any attention to them. They were nothing, I would never do it, I have it too good and there are too many things in life I want. I've been bullied in my childhood, a lot. And in recent months, oncce again. I'm overweight, yes, and I don't have the prettiest face. I've had people even tell me these things. "You're fat" "You're ugly." I don't have many close friends, only 3 And I can't bring it to myself to tell any of them about
my recent sadness and problems. I've never wanted to talk about
my feelings, nor will I ever want to. I'm very emotional, unstable... But I told my mom and it was the hardest thin ever. I said "I think I'm depressed. I've been having really weird thoughts." I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want her to have to go through this again with me, like she did my sister. She dropped the subject for a day, then tonight she bombed me again and forced it out of me. She asked me if I thought about
hurting myself. All I could do is nod. She kept asking what thoughts I'd been having, what was wrong, why. But I couldn't tell her. I just couldn't. I need answers. She told me to tell her if it happened again and I pray it doesn't. She told me to tell her if she could help, if there was anything she could do or anything I needed. I don't want to be told I'm crazy. I don't want to be told I'm depressed. But I know it's true. What do you think? Should I tell her I might want to see someone about
this? She'll want to talk about
it, but I don't want to talk about
it to her. I'll just cry the whole time (I cried while writing this), and feeling weak IS my weakness. Help. Please.