Hubby who has lifelong chronic illness..Depression or something else.

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 60
   Posted 6/6/2011 9:38 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Everyone,
I am not new to the forum but I am new to this area...I am really at a loss to help my hubby...He was diagnosed with Lupus about a year and a half ago after being hospitalized with H1N1 which now causes him respiratory problems and in being in the hospital and having hundreds of tests done, they find out he has Lupus...
He is on pretty strong medication..Imuran for his immune system and Warfarin for blood clots now for the rest of his life...The medications causes all kinds of side effects and he feels lousy all the time..He is only 47..We have 2 children 10 and 8 and it is very difficult for me to try and hold things together when he is always so moody/depressed? I don't know what to do..I can't help him in an way and I try to stay positive but I feel like he is giving up on life and us..He said yesterday that if he didn't have me or the kids he would go off all the medications and wouldn't care what happened..He was told if he did that he would probably die.
This has me very upset and down and I just feel so lost..I mean I married him for better or worse but Really?? this isn't what I signed up for...a life with a man who is depressed/angry all the time...I know..You can scold me...I'm probably being selfish but I am worried about my kids...They see him grumpy and moody all the time and I am tired of making excuses up for why he is that way...I realize he doesn't feel good..I don't either sometimes with my own medical issues but I still have to get up each day and get my kids out to school and cook,clean,laundry,grocery shop etc...too...
Do you think this is depression or self pity?
Any advice....
Laurel :-)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42206
   Posted 6/6/2011 11:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Laurel,

It sounds like depression to me, and who wouldn't be? He is facing a lot and I know that it is hard for you and the kids when he doesn't feel good. Have you thought about going to counseling to help you cope with this? Maybe he would go to counseling too. I would love to see that. I think it would help you both. Living with somebody with a chronic illness is hard. You are doing a lot and have a lot on your plate. I suffer with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, plus depression. There was a long time when I couldn't do anything. My husband picked up the slack. But I am better now, so that helps. Not feeling too great today, but have had worse days than this....... I hope that you feel better soon and I hope that your husband does too. I would seriously think about counseling to get some coping skills and it will help you through this.

Take care, Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9661
   Posted 6/6/2011 7:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Get him in for councelling, so that things might get better...there are specialist that
work with chronic pain or chronic illness psychologist is
a pain management psychologists that has experiences with pain...but you might
want to look up a psychologist that has worked with chronic illness....that should
be your first step and then taking him to the appointment would be your second step,
also there are support groups for people who have an loved one dealing with a chronic illness.
You both will need coping skills and the lupus forum here is a good one, tell him about
well wishes to you both and keep us posted...
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
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