The only time i am happy is when i'm day dreaming about a different life. I try to stay in my own world but i think that is making my depression worse . I write a lot i think it is bad for me to keep creating these alternative worlds but i would rather write than live in my world. If i'm not writing i'm listening to music i sleep all day and stay up all night i cant sleep once i'm up. My mom had heart surgery two years ago and she had a stroke and it paralyzed her. She has been in the hospital off and on since. She is in the hospital right now and i'm staying with her. My dad went to jail for drugs now i dont have anyone to help i'm alone. I'm angry that he left me alone i'm angry that i have to take care of my mom and have a job and pay bills at 17 I want a job i want to take care of myself but i want help getting there. My parents are supposed to be there for me it's not supposed to be the other way around . I want to be normal and plan for college and move out on my own. I got thrown out in the world and i dont know what i'm doing or where were going when she gets realeased from the hospital. We were moving now. I cant move i dont have any money a car or anything. I have to manage having a job getting a car taking care of my dogs and horses. taking care of my mom and finding smowhere to live. I want to go to school for media arts. How am i going to be able to do anything for myself? My mom crys all the time. I cant do anything for her i cant even help myself let alone someone else. I hate feeling sorry for myself but i am stressed and lost .