Your "Handle," reminds me of the line.. "I once was lost, but now I'm found.. " It's from the Hymnn, Amazing Grace.. and that's part of what marriage is about.. Amazing grace.. Forgiveness and acceptance.
Well, hope I can add some insight to your delema.. I've been married almost 41 years, and the first ten were the hardest... !!! It took ten years for us both to get used to each other, learn each other, and accept things about our partner that were not going to change.
Some points that I thought about while reading your post... :
Maybe he's not really upset with you but, something going on within him or his work/life or other family members and, you happen to be close enough to catch the fallout. Not right but, a pretty normal course.
Do you converse.. ? About the things in life that matter to you as a couple, not just, "what do you want for supper..?" Do you spend at least one day/night a month, focused on each other, no phone, no kids, no work, no family, no talk of work/school.. Just you two, face to face, no tv. I find this works well over a quiet, lonely candle light supper with a bit of wine.
Are you meeting each other's sexual needs? Think about how often you are intimate and find out from him if it is enough for him... ???? If not, get a charge account at Victoria's Secret and go for it.. :)
If the house has become a problem, get some help. Once a month, get the house cleaned professionally. That alone, will lift your spirits.
It's the rare couple who go thru the first ten years without problems. This is the time to learn how to communicate, lean on each other and become one person.
My husband's parents couldn't afford a wedding gift for us but, his mother gave me the gift I remember and value most. She gave me advice for a long and healthy marriage. She told us, "Never go to bed or part for the day, mad at each other and learn to say, 'I'm sorry... I was wrong.' And when you hear those words, learn to say, 'I forgive you and accept your apology.'"
We would argue till noon, Then go to work when we had said we were sorry. Never carried an arguement over to the next day.. there would be new material for a new one so, didn't need to.. ! haha..
Take inventory: of your words you speak to him; are they inflammitory? Of your priorities, are they in order?
There are lots of things that can be done to help, if you can talk with each other. That's a good place to start, because you will never know how to fix it if you don't know what it is.
Good luck and remember, the way to a man's heart is still his stomach.. haha..
Post Edited (RainDance) : 3/17/2005 11:27:04 AM (GMT-7)
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.