Lately I've been dealing with a lot of anger issues. I don't know if this is caused by my anxiety or depression, or just from my life in general. The fact that I feel like I'm absolutely floundering in my mid 20s and am trying just about everything I can to get myself on track somewhere. I've pretty much lost my ability to have fun, I never really do anymore. I am pretty grumpy/angry for the most part everyday and I am totally focused and determined on getting my career and life on track, to the point where it completely consumes my daily thinking with possible jobs that I could have, degrees I could go back to school for, and even buying and reading up on how to make money off of ebay lol. It's getting annoying though that I'm this obsessed with money and success, I've lost the ability to just go on a fishing trip or hang with friends and just enjoy it for what it is.
Speaking of that though, I went to a friends bbq 2 nights ago and I found myself just arguing with them over stupid crap. I guess it's not completely new but I just felt like I was more into the arguing and just overall pretty unhappy. It was mostly about sports and crap but it got pretty personal at times. I guess it was kind of fueled from the fact that for some reason either lately, or maybe it has always been this way, that my friends seem to rip on me all the darn time. Lately I'm so angry and frustrated with myself, and with life in general, that I have absolutely no patience for the retarded comments. So now instead of just letting it not bother me I get pissed and fire back with retarded arguments or insults/whatever.
These anger issues something that is normal with anxiety or depression? At times I get so fed up and honestly tell myself that screw it I'd just be better off on my own because nobody seems to respect me anyways. I'm tired of complaining and talking about this stuff with my family and friends too. There's a sitgma that goes along with anxiety and depression and I don't like living with that stigma anymore. I come off looking weak and I'm tired of it, SO TIRED OF IT. I just want to get some of that old confidence back and feel like a darn man again, but honestly it's been so darn long since I've felt ok that it honsetly might even scare me to feel ok and happy....as crazy as that sounds.