How do I deal with this?

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zewkeini
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/14/2011 5:39 AM (GMT -6)   
I have no support, no one to turn to. My father is bipolar and emotionally abusive. He's had to go to the ER for slashing his head with a lamp and has punched holes in the wall, and calls me names and insults me fairly frequently. He is medicated but you wouldn't know it. I'm under 18 and can't invite friends to my house because it looks like something out of Hoarders -- it's humiliating but has been like this for many years. My room isn't much better but I just gave up. Why maintain a jewel in the middle of mud? Everything is filthy, a window in back has one pane totally broken. Is there any way I can escape? Stop the abuse? The shame? My mother sides with her husband, my father, because he earns all of the money and she doesn't want to work. I'm closer to  every day. No friends, no loving family. Only education can distract from the pain. Please help. I stay in my room all day because there is nothing else to do that will not hurt, end up hurting, or bring back painful memories.

I'm making progress by going to college during my last two years of high school. I've always scored in the 99th percentile on standardized tests and get decent grades while learning more about my chosen major. If only I could escape everything would be fine, but I have more than two years before I can (I'm a 15-year old girl).

Maybe it's all my fault -- I have retaliated in the past, no more; it only makes things worse -- but I have no way out. I didn't choose the bipolar or the seemingly obsessive-compulsive mother (what I think may be mild hoarding + other behavior) and now I can't get rid of any of the pain. Nothing will change.

Just writing this is a big step but I'm worried I'll be criticized by people here for having reacted physically and verbally in the past. Well, I tried, and that's all I can do. I don't want to defend myself to others, I'm too exhausted. My mother told me at age 10 that she wanted to kill me and would pin me down and spank me, and that's but one example that happened before I ever reacted. Maybe I've deserved all of it, I don't know. I've stopped responding now -- it's pointless. I'm sorry if any of this offended someone, especially someone who has bipolar disorder. I'm disgusted with him in particular and not others who are affected.

I feel guilty because there are those who are undergoing much worse pain than I am, but like I said, this is a big step for me. Thanks for understanding.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 6/14/2011 6:08:12 AM (GMT-6)


esoR
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 4147
   Posted 6/14/2011 6:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Honey,

None of this is your fault. Your soul was simply born into a dysfunctional family. Fate has placed before you a challenge that you must overcome. SOmetimes there are no explanations as to why certain people are put into certain situations. Do not ask why, but instead ask HOW? Continue to be involved in your education with the goal of getting out of there the minute you are 18. Do you have relatives you could live with at that time while you continue on in college? Check out local churches and talk to ministers. You need a support group and group of "normal" people to associate with. I had similar situation, and though I got out of home, I kept coming back (I think subconsciously to try and FIX the situation. HUGE ERROR.) I even had a professional career for 17 years and traveled the world. THEN I returned home to care for my aging and mentally ill mother. I developed a gut issue that was misdiagnosed (unknown to me at the time), had surgery by surgeons with multiple past suits (unknown to me at the time) and almost died. I had to fight for 13 months before I found a surgeon who could do the best that could be done to save me. So far so good with a necessarily altered body to save my life, but my life span could be foreshortened, only God knows. Do not waste one more minute blaming yourself for anything and do not waste your time on these ill people save yourself. In fact do you have friends or relatives or a counseling center you could contact to maybe arrange living somewhere else now? Maybe not even wait until you are 18? Time is precious and you are so young. You have your whole life ahead of you. I know it's hard to see "outside the box" when you are in the middle of such a situation. Take care and take carefully thought-out action to save yourself. Let us know what you do. Rosemary

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 6/14/2011 6:42 AM (GMT -6)   
sending healing compassionate prayers your way. rosemary has given you wonderful wisdom. keep posting. jamie
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 6/14/2011 7:10 AM (GMT -6)   
Thinkinh of you at this time. I hope that things work out for you. Keep posting. We are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

KittyJinxVanity1992
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/14/2011 11:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Zewkeini,


My Mother and Father were the same way. I totally understand how you feel. Girl, there is something you can do about all this abuse and miscommunication. You came to the right place, but the other place you need to go is to Child Services. Honey, there's no easy way to say this, your parents need major help. How are they going to correct themselves if they don't know that what they are doing is horrible? My mother used to beat me, and literally make me bleed. She'd pull me by my hair, and drag me. It was horrible. After I talked to a school counsilor, she contacted DSS (Child Services) and they took it from there. I didn't get placed in a foster home, and my mother has been corrected. They are 100% trust worthy and they have helped my family tremendously. However, if you don't want to do that, then your going to have to find someone to talk to. As you have posted, you are very smart and deserve a loving, caring family that will encourage you to make good grades, and be a smart, beautiful young lady. Now, I'm not saying that you don't love your mother and father, because I know you do. Even though they make horrible desicisions it doesn't mean you stop loving them, or vice versa. I know, deep down some where that they love you. It's just right now, they don't know that what they are doing is wrong, and hurts you emotionally and physically. I am always here for you hunny because I know how it feels to not have friends because your parents can't control themselves. I know how it feels to be abused by your drugged up father. I've been threw it. But you know what I learned? I learned to never treat anyone the way my parents treated me. I have learned to be strong, independent, and brave because of my parents. I now, stand on my own 2 feet and I am proud to say that I have been threw hell. It made me stronger. You too, will learn your own life lessons, but what you do from now, until that point is your choice. It's your future, it can be beautiful and full of oppertunities if you just look out for yourself and be careful. Never make the same mistakes that they have made. If you want to talk sometime, inbox me and I will give you my number. Be safe and take care.
-Ashley

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 6/14/2011 12:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ashley,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. I am so glad that you have joined us and shared your story. You have given some very good advice too. It is truly appreciated.

Keep posting and know that here everybody cares about eachother.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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