I have no support, no one to turn to. My father is bipolar and emotionally abusive. He's had to go to the ER for slashing his head with a lamp and has punched holes in the wall, and calls me names and insults me fairly frequently. He is medicated but you wouldn't know it. I'm under 18 and can't invite friends to my house because it looks like something out of Hoarders -- it's humiliating but has been like this for many years. My room isn't much better but I just gave up. Why maintain a jewel in the middle of mud? Everything is filthy, a window in back has one pane totally broken. Is there any way I can escape? Stop the abuse? The shame? My mother sides with her husband, my father, because he earns all of the money and she doesn't want to work. I'm closer to every day. No friends, no loving family. Only education can distract from the pain. Please help. I stay in my room all day because there is nothing else to do that will not hurt, end up hurting, or bring back painful memories.
I'm making progress by going to college during my last two years of high school. I've always scored in the 99th percentile on standardized tests and get decent grades while learning more about
my chosen major. If only I could escape everything would be fine, but I have more than two years before I can (I'm a 15-year old girl).
Maybe it's all my fault -- I have retaliated in the past, no more; it only makes things worse -- but I have no way out. I didn't choose the bipolar or the seemingly obsessive-compulsive mother (what I think may be mild hoarding + other behavior) and now I can't get rid of any of the pain. Nothing will change.
Just writing this is a big step but I'm worried I'll be criticized by people here for having reacted physically and verbally in the past. Well, I tried, and that's all I can do. I don't want to defend myself to others, I'm too exhausted. My mother told me at age 10 that she wanted to kill me and would pin me down and spank me, and that's but one example that happened before I ever reacted. Maybe I've deserved all of it, I don't know. I've stopped responding now -- it's pointless. I'm sorry if any of this offended someone, especially someone who has bipolar disorder. I'm disgusted with him in particular and not others who are affected.
I feel guilty because there are those who are undergoing much worse pain than I am, but like I said, this is a big step for me. Thanks for understanding.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 6/14/2011 6:08:12 AM (GMT-6)