Could use someone to talk to..

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firebird227
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 6/15/2011 9:51 AM (GMT -6)   
I just started on some anti-depressants, only a few days ago. They have helped me sleep, sometimes, but I feel like it's not enough. Even though they make me drowsy, my panic attacks are far more powerful at keeping me awake. I haven't sought counseling yet because of my situation at home, but having someone to talk to so I'm less alone would help keep me calm. I basically live in my room, from computer and then to bed when I attempt to sleep and then back to my computer. I don't have many opportunities to be social and have nobody to talk to.. if anyone is around and wouldn't mind listening, I would really appreciate it. I have had some bad experiences sharing with people before, so if I seem slow to trust I hope it doesn't push anyone away.

AzyMae18
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 6/15/2011 11:13 AM (GMT -6)   
Firebird, I know exactly how you feel. I'm a recluse, I barely leave my house until I physically have to. You are not alone in your struggles, and I promise you that no one here will judge you. You are safe to open up, we are all here to help and be helped. Feel free to be as open as you want to, no one will rush you, or push you to talk. I'm here for you, if you ever need to talk. I will be checking for your response, and hopefully I will have some good advice to give you.

Much love,
AzyMae
Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, Social Phobia, Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Geosojda
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 262
   Posted 6/15/2011 12:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi firebird,
 
Welcome to HW. we are glad you decided to post.  There is no judging here, many of us are or have been going through the same struggles that youare now and can provide some good advice in how to handle things.  As hard as it is, antidepressants really do tqake a while to really work.  It can take 6-8 weeks or longer until you full the full effects of the meds.  Its hard but keep on them and give them a chance to work.  Hope you are feeling better today.

firebird227
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 6/15/2011 1:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for your replies, I managed to get a little sleep since I posted. I would actually like to be able to talk to someone live on a messenger if possible, and if someone doesn't mind taking the time. Since I have all the time in the world it seems. Most of my time I spend playing games on my PC since my constant connection to the internet is practically my life line. For the record, my anxiety attacks only really happen when I feel and know I'm alone. In the middle of the night when I'm trying to sleep, etc. It has a lot to do with where I am and the fact that I don't want to be here anymore. I know that having real friends around would help a LOT, but I kinda live in the middle of nowhere and high school didn't stick me any friends, nor did college since they all lived too far away.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 6/15/2011 2:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Firebird,

Welcome to the depression forum. We do have a chat room and there are usually people in it in the evenings. So you should be able to find somebody to talk to. If not, do keep posting on the forum. This is a good place, and if depression doesn't fit you, we have a wonderful anxiety/panic forum.

I hope that you stick around.

Depression is hard. I do know that. I have been through a lot lately in life and it becomes difficult to say the least. You will make friends here, I have.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

firebird227
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 6/15/2011 4:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Where should I start to make friends here? So far the chat rooms have been empty and I've never actually tried something like it before. I really just want someone I can consistently talk to, being alone so much really negatively affects me. I've been on online games and I had a lot of friends, and that kept me relatively happy. But over time, people leave and I eventually quit, and it just feels like I have nothing now.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 6/15/2011 5:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Do you have a problem with just being with yourself? Are you comfortable with that? It sounds like you are really lonely, and I fear that you have to learn to accept that there are going to be times when you don't always have somebody to talk to. And you should be able to be comfortable with that. Are you seeing a therapist? I feel that it would help you to learn to feel comfortable when you are alone. Do you talk to people only on the internet? Or do you have friends in person too? Having friends on the internet is cool. Especially because they are from all over the world. But you need friends in person too. You don't have to have a lot of friends. Even one is nice. And to have one good friend is a lucky thing. Because real friends are few and far between.

Do keep posting. We will try to encourage you to learn to be happy even if you aren't corresponding with somebody. I sure do hope that I make sense. lol...

Hugs, Karen

Oh yes, the chatrooms are usually busy in the evenings. I know on Thursday they have chat in chronic pain, that is Thursday night. Good luck with chat.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

firebird227
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 6/15/2011 5:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Yea I can usually handle being alone, but the thing is, it's kinda been like this since I was maybe 9.. or 10 and now I'm 20. It's really to the point where I'm so used to being alone it's only natural. I know the value of a true friend all too well, I do have one he just lives really far away. Of course I want a real one in person but it just hasn't happened. I can almost never leave here and if anything costs money, I can't afford it. I'm not seeing a therapist but I'm going to try soon, my sister knows a little bit about it and who I should call. Getting there will be a problem if it's too far away, because of gas expenses. I can't drive myself either, since I'm prone to attacks while I'm alone driving.

The thing I have a hard time accepting is that I never have anyone to talk to. My sister lives with me but she has one 2 year old and a 3 week old baby she has to care for. I can't be waking her in the middle of the night for some company.

To be clear, I have no friends in person and since I was 11 it's been online people who I could talk to. I used to pass the time watching TV or playing games... but 8 years down the line there has to be more to life than this and it's just getting harder and harder to handle being stuck.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 6/15/2011 6:20 PM (GMT -6)   
What kind of attacks do you have that you can't drive long distances because of? Do you ever talk to your friend on the phone? Keep checking chat if you want to chat. I guess everybody goes on in the evening. Probably around 8:00 or so. That is when people are in there. Sometimes if you just go into a chat room, others pop in when they see somebody is there.

Hope you find somebody to chat with.

Hugs, Karen

PS Do you have a condition that keeps you from working? Or are you just on your computer in your spare time? It sounds like you are on it all of the time. You really need to try to get a life outside of your home. Do you have anxiety or is depression stopping you? Tell us more about your attacks and if you have any other conditions. I am curious as to why you stay on the computer so much. I do too, don't get me wrong. Just trying to understand what is going on.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

firebird227
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 6/15/2011 7:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I can't talk to my friend on my phone, funny enough even if I could I probably wouldn't understand his "patois", he's Jamaican lol. He speaks normal English enough online though I never have problems understanding. If I ask him to, he can go into his patois mode and I'm totally lost, though my attempts at translating are usually pretty funny. I would actually be ok if I had him around again as I've gotten so used to him on messenger as a shoulder or just someone to cheer me up. His PC broke down a few months ago so I can still message him on Facebook, it's just not live chat anymore until he gets a new one.

As for why I'm here so much.. it's many reasons. I have nowhere to go, nobody to go with, nothing to do once I get there and most importantly.. I can't afford to get there. I live with my dad who's retired and on SSI. That's basically all we have. I have a reputation among my diminishing family of being the indoors computer geek.. but for the most part I don't choose it. The anxiety does keep me from leaving, and it keeps me from reaching out to strangers. One reason is just plain bad experience, most of my life I haven't had emotional care. I'm female and my mom was long gone by the time I was 10, she didn't die but she did pick up and leave. We don't know where she is. She carted me and my sister around to various Women's' Centers / Shelters to keep us from my dad so my relationship with my dad hasn't really had time to improve. He's much older than the average dad someone my age would have, he's 71.

I have no medical conditions as far as I know that keep me from working and I've worked before, for a friend whose business is a very short distance from my home. But when his customers and needs slow down, I'm out of work. I fixed computers for him and did some secretarial things. I also tutored at my college while I attended there, it was definitely fun for me because I just like to help. The problem now, though, is finding a job around here. There seem to be none. For a brief time I lived in Mesa, AZ and was absolutely astounded by how many businesses were everywhere lol but it's far from the case here. I know a part-time job would be enough stimulation to keep me from being so anxious and feeling like I'm going nowhere, it's just very hard to find one around here. And I still worry about driving because it has happened before, my drive to and from college was a straight 20 minutes.. with no radio.

And to describe the panic attack is kind of very hard, I know most people didn't grow up like I have and have no experience of this much time alone. In large groups of people I'm the one looking for a place to sit alone or stand near a door and just watch everyone else. Of course I respond if anyone says something to me, but I'm not the one to initiate anything.

All I ever do is think, and sometimes I just get this crushing loneliness. I become really really self aware, if that makes sense. My life never changes, I'm not happy and I guess it just all comes crashing down on me. Lately more often. I try to bug my dad into installing a radio into the car, he doesn't really know how much it would help me because he has no idea what's going on with me, me and my sister both think that's for the best. It would serve as a nice distraction for my mind, and of course music soothes the soul, or so it seems.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 6/15/2011 7:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Firebird,

I noticed that there are many people in chat right now in the prostate forum chatroom. You might not want to join in there, as it is probably all men discussing issues. But if you go to another chat room, such as depression, I am sure that somebody will join you. If that is what you want to do.

This forum is fairly active during the week, but not so much on weekends. I guess everybody is doing their thing on the weekend. lol...

Don't think you are alone, as you are not. Many of us have had disfunctional type families. Most of us probably.

It sounds like you would rather observe a crowd of people than to join in. I am a little bit that way. I don't do well at parties that is for sure. Sometimes I do, if I am playing a game or something, but if I am not busy with my mind, I tend to feel out of place. I am not the best at making conversation either.

Is the work that you do seasonal? Most of the work around here is. In the summer, it is a lot of tourists, and during the winter, it is deer hunting and snowmobilers. That is where the money comes in at. So jobs are pretty scarce here too.

Do you go to any type of therapy? Are you on medications? Most of us here are on meds and go to therapy. There are a few that go natural. Herbs or just being healthy. Do you ever go for walks? I go every day with my dog. So the pace is kind of fast. We get a little walk in daily. It is good for the mind and body. I love it when I feel good enough to go.

Think about talking to a counselor about things. I hate to see anybody lonely. I see that you long for conversation. Good thing for the internet. It brings people together. This forum does anyway.

I wish you a good night as I am probably going to shut the puter off soon. I hope that you find somebody to talk to. But it would be great if you could find some outside interests too.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

firebird227
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 6/15/2011 8:19 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm currently on "Citalopram HBR" 20mg, prescribed by my doctor for depression. As soon as I'm able I'll try to find therapy. I'm not sure if the work here is seasonal or not

As far as walks go, I used to but I don't anymore. I had a little dog, a dachshund or "weiner dog" I took walks with but she was kept outside, and she was very small.. so a neighbor's dog came into our yard and killed her. I don't know why.. but at that point I lost my only companion and I really don't feel like walking anymore. And, my perverted 70 year old half-mentally handicapped uncle lives down the road and likes to stop me if I walk or when I used to ride my bike. I don't feel safe when he's around. My dad had a talk with him but I still won't voluntarily put myself somewhere he can see me.

So for the most part I feel trapped all the time, walks won't feel safe, driving is definitely a gamble, and my sister has her own life. I just hold on to some hope that the therapy, if I can get it, will help. It's just harder to wait hour by hour.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 6/15/2011 8:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Here are a couple of sites that might help you:
 
They are both free and a lot of the members say it helped.  This is something that you can work on until you get to therapy.
 
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

firebird227
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 6/15/2011 9:31 PM (GMT -6)   
I tried that for a little bit but reading in dead silence all alone kinda makes me feel worse. I'm not sure how to approach this. I would like to sleep soon but I know I can't. Maybe someone else can reply here and I can feel like I have some company.

M3lissa
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/16/2011 2:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Firebird,
I have been suffering from depression for who knows how long. I started taking ativan and lexapro over a year ago and I weined myself off of the ativan so now I only take the lexapro. I have been out of it for like a month now. My hubby is supposed to go to the Dr and get me some samples but he is taking his sweet time. I don't know why I just don't go myself but something is keeping me from doing so. He has a lot of health issues and I take care of him all the time, I get his medicine make his meals, wash his clothes etc. etc. I guess I just want to be taken care of a little. He is not so sick that he doesn't leave the house, he works and everything. He really doesn't do anything but work sleep and play on the computer which is depressing all by itself. We don't have much of a life....(sorry I am having a bad day and venting....I need the lexapro more than ever today.) We have an 11 year old daughter and live with his parents. It all kind of sucks and sometimes I wonder do I have depression or just a depressing life. I also take ambien to help me sleep, have you tried anything like that? That helps a lot. I am not always such a downer, and I am here if you need to talk. I am not sure if we are allowed to share email addresses here or FB. I didn't mean to just talk about myself....but the more you know about a person the easier it is to talk to them IMO. :)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 6/16/2011 3:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi M3lissa,

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum. If you put your email address in your profile, firebird can get it there. We don't advise posting it on the open forum, as anybody can read it, but if you put it in your profile, only members can see it.

I am sorry that you are out of your meds. Please don't get upset if your husband takes a little while to get home with them. It sounds like you both do an awful lot to work together. Just be happy when you get them, as you said, you could have gotten them yourself. It is nice to have somebody do nice things for us. Maybe if you do special things for your husband, he might pick up on it and return the favor. Mine bought me breakfast this morning, that was nice. And a surprise. It doen't have to be anything big, just some nice jesture.

I hope that you feel better real soon.

Take care

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

firebird227
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 6/16/2011 11:24 PM (GMT -6)   
As an update, I went to my dad the other night and actually managed a talk with him. He has a bit of an angry / grumpy temperament most of the time so it was a surprise. He's willing to help me now, getting out of here and out a little more. Just being out today helped a lot, he bought some supplies I needed to enter a drawing contest being held by one of the games I play. He also paid for a new laptop I can take with me to college when I re-enroll. He told me not to worry about the tuition money since we can get a loan from our personal friend, without all those interest rates.

I'm feeling a lot better and at the moment my biggest hurtle is getting to sleep. It's the most common place I've had problems and memories of it tend to cause it, if you know what I mean.

Also for M3lissa, I'd be happy to talk with you if you want to post your e-mail in your profile. I use Windows Live Messenger, Yahoo Messenger, and sometimes FaceBook but I'm trying to avoid letting that get too big. And if I know ahead of time you'll just be sending e-mails, I can check it more often. (I don't expect e-mails often so it doesn't get checked more than once a day)

I'll just warn you ahead of time I'm not exactly the strongest shoulder to lean on at the moment lol it's hard for me right now. I do know one thing though, helping other people and talking or lifting someone else's mood tends to help me feel happy. So I think it should all work out fine.

tryn2gtbtr
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 6/17/2011 1:11 AM (GMT -6)   
M3lissa hi there, i read your post, and you seem so down, sorry you had such a tuff day. I remember when i was married and had my 2 sons at the time and my huband and i and my sons went to live with his mother. I hated it. It made me feel so worthless. His mom worked, my husband worked, I was left in her home with my boys and i felt like i couldn't do enough to make everyone happy. I finally had to do something to get us rolling along towards our own place. So, I decided to work nights at a local beach resteraunt. With no experience at the age of 23.I did it. I learned and i remember the first night i did my own shift i ran into the rest room and counted my money , my tip money. omg. iwas so happy. I made $65 and felt like i had climbed Mt.Everest. I came home with such a different attitude. Sure of myself, around fun people, and before you knew it we were able to get out on our own. It was hard but we did it. I don't know what your condition is, are you able to work??? Can you go to school. I think you said you have an 11 year old daughter.A tuff age, they understand more than we think, so be careful how you act around her. As far as your husband. He should be more active in your well being, unfortunatly men just don't get it. We women want attention. If our men would just spend a little more time with us and less time on pc or tv, boy it would make a world of difference. Do you think the 2 of you could have a date night???? well i'm wishing you luck in all you do, keep positive, go into survival mode and do you. do you first, if your not happy your whole family will suffer.The woman sets the tone in the household. Attitude is key. Stay in the now, be positive, optomistic, and loving. Keep the faith, sister. Before you know it it will get better. xoxox 

tryn2gtbtr
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 6/17/2011 1:19 AM (GMT -6)   
firebird227, hi what kind of antidepersant are you on?? if you are having panic attacks at night, maybe you could ask your dr. for xanax or valium, some kind of benzo. The only antidepresant i'm on is ellavil. It does make me sleepy, but not enough unless i take 2. 25mg. then i don't want to wake up, i could sleep all night and day.Talk to your dr. sleeping is key to overall well beingl. also are you on vitamins or a good diet?? eating before bed is bad. do you have any excersie program. walking,biking, or tredmill.you will be amazed how much a good diet and keeping active plays in our sleep mode. unless you are in pain at night?? well good luck, i know how much it sucks not to be able to sleep, been going through it since i was 20yrs.old. and that's quite a long time.be well, keep the faith,keep posting.
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