Weight and Eating

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californiagurl
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/17/2011 12:49 AM (GMT -6)   
Today begins the journey of a lifetime; and the hardest one of all...weight loss. Today begins my weight loss journey in which I have divided into four phases over the course of the next year...yep, that's right...365 days to lose 148 lbs. In each phase there are three months, in which I must lose 37 lbs.

I went to the doctor a few weeks ago because of my irregularities in my period and my lack of sleep and she weighed me and I tipped the scales at 288 lbs. 288!!!! I thought to myself, what the **** Katie?!!! How the hell are you letting yourself get this big? Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Is this a type of self-mutilation??!!! When i think about and when i look at myself, I feel hopeless and I feel like I am never going to change because I am my worst enemy and nothing phases me, not the sleep apnea, not the pains in my chest, not the extensive fatigue that I feel and rejection from society on a daily basis. When I wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror, I see a cute face with a huge, ugly and hideous body. Rolls hanging off my body weighing me down, keeping me down from my potential....keeping me away from my true happiness, higher self-esteem and self-confidence.
I look at myself and I wonder how did I let this happen?

One thing I can pinpoint for sure are my daddy issues. Growing up my father was a drug addict and an alcoholic who I saw every other weekend, and hardly saw sober. My parents divorced when I was 4 years old and I remember the day my dad backed out of the driveway leaving my mother and I and choosing his addictions over his own family, over his own daughter. Although my dad was what people call a "deadbeat", I still loved him because he always made it clear that he loved me with all his heart. But deep down inside, I had a bit of resentment that he chose drugs and alcohol over me. I look back at my life and I wonder if I would be different, if my life would be different, had my parents never divorced and would have been happy together. My dad had all the opportunities in the world to make something of himself and he let himself be defeated by chemicals, by substances and peer pressure and addiction. I know its hard to break habits and addictions, but I also know it is not impossible.

When I think about how I let myself do this to me, I think that if I died tomorrow, I really wouldn't care. I mean, I have no intention of purposely hurting myself...but if God were to take me tomorrow by accident, I would be fine with it. I don't know if that means that I am just not afraid of death, or if that means im passively suicidal. I would never have the nerve to attempt to kill myself but I know I just don't care about myself. I don't know how to change that. I don't know how to love myself, I don't how to care about myself. I don't know what to do. I eat and eat and eat and crave and crave and crave. I binge, I eat compulsively, I eat when I am mad, sad, happy, etc. Its a cultural habit, etc. All of these things equal overeating. I don't know how to control myself or control it. I just want to be a normal sized 22 year old.

I just need support and I really need help with my psychology in order for my weight loss plan to be effective.

firebird227
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 6/17/2011 2:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Going on a diet sounds like a great idea for you, and having some goals set. I think that your problem can be solved once you start to feel better about yourself, but I know how hard that is. The way you see things are pretty similar to what my own views were. In the same way, I kind of dug myself into a rut I didn't know how to get out of. I knew what I needed, just not how to go and get it.

It can be a little scary to reach out to the society that's done so much to hurt you isn't it? Well, it was for me. Now, I've never had a weight problem and in-fact I'm a bit underweight and it worries me lol but, I'm very socially void. Spending my life on my PC and with no friends. But like you, I used to blame how I feel and how things are on the parent who left when I was young. In my case it was my mom. Things could've been different yes.. but what you really need at the present is some support and happiness. I wasn't able to start by just being my own cheerleader, so I went to my older sister and eventually my father. I went to the doctor, got on anti-depressants and I'm slowly getting closer to my family. Things are happening that, before, I would've said were impossible.

I think you should return to your doctor and see if anti-depressants would help you. Just keep your head up. I think that does more for you than medicine.

My e-mail is in my profile if you want to send something, I'm here for help too at the moment but new friends are always welcome.

Geosojda
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 262
   Posted 6/17/2011 7:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Soudns like you have a well thought out plan, thats a good thing! I am currently on the same journey as you. I started weight watchers a couple of weeks ago to help me along with the weight loss. There is a thread here were people who are working on things can track their activities and get some motivation, i'll bump it for you if you are interested in joinning the thread. Its a tough road but you can do it! keep up posted!
When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

with your past and your future precisely divided, Am I at that moment?. . I haven't decided.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42498
   Posted 6/17/2011 8:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

Welcome to the forum. I am so glad that you have joined us. Do read the thread that Geosojda mentioned. We all have things that we are working on. And sharing makes it easier.

Try to walk, even if you can't go very far to begin with. Walk wherever and whenever you can. I cut out soda and am drinking lemon water. It keeps you feeling full and satisfiec, plus you get vitamin C and it detoxifies your liver all at the same time. I found a plastic glass at Walmart that has a straw built into it. And the lid screws on. Kind of cool. I like it and I can see what I am drinking. Makes me feel like a health nut. lol...

I hope that you can lose some weight and feel better soon. Good luck with the program. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

pomar
New Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 6/17/2011 10:56 AM (GMT -6)   
omg!!! i feel the same, i am overweigth ..i have a realy low selfsteem, i want to do diet but the depression make me no have energy for nothing...i need support , help!!!!..i hate what i see in the mirror...please some advice...i need to lose 60 lbs and cant even lose a pound...i do take lexpro 10mg and 100mg of wellbutrim, dr. wants me to only take wellbutrin 100mg morning and 100mg at noon (take out lexapro) to see if that can help with my weight...

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42498
   Posted 6/17/2011 11:31 AM (GMT -6)   
I think that your doc is right. People lose weight on wellbutrin.

Best wishes with losing weight.

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20227
   Posted 6/19/2011 5:13 AM (GMT -6)   
i am trying to lose weight. i have put on around 30 kilos. mainly comfort eating and not giving a stuff about my diabetes. i am in a peer program with diabetes australia. i have learn't, slowly how to combat comfort eating and my sugars are excellent. i too am drinking lemon tea. really helps. have an appt for my measurement and weight tomorrow. we can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

beleive in you califrniagurl. we do!!!!!!!!!! sending much healing compassion 2 you. keep strong, jamie.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER, EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BORDERLINE TYPE -AXIS 2 , RAPID CYCLING BI-POLAR DISORDER

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOU. BE YOU AND BE TRUE.
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