Depression, always lingering around me...

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 463
   Posted 6/17/2011 10:07 PM (GMT -6)   
I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, Borderline, and Manic-Drepressive, and anxiety. I have been really struggling with bad anxiety attacks and Panic attacks, where the panic attacks are waking me up 1-3x a night and I'm in the middle of one.

They have began to really scare me to go to bed at night in fear of having one...When I have them it feels like its not going end so then of course I panic more. I've tried deep breathing exercises, thinking of something positive, etc. but nothing works. My Psychiatrist is now thinking I have a Panic Disorder since it has gotten so bad. Does anyone else by chance suffer with this problem?

I am currently taking Neurontin 300mg (5x a day) as a mood stabilizer, Vistaril for the Anxiety attacks 100mg (which takes like 45-minutes) to begin working. So my Psych added Buspar 10mg 3x a day, and she said she has room to raise it to 60mg a day. So far I'm not noticing anything, but apparently it takes like 2-3 weeks to notice (just finished 2nd week).

She doesn't want to put me on any Benzo's since they can be addicting. I asked her if there is any kind of med that works fairly quickly to stopt the attack and she said its the Benzo's...She said that maybe she could try one if my husband is in control of it (I have never had a problem with pills...Clean for 9-years meth and 286-days sober). However, since I have the addictive behavior there is obviously a concern. She is also thinking about Lamictal but concerned as I guess it can cause serious skin problems. I've asked her can we just try it and if there is a problem then I stop.

It seems like in one day I can go from happy to sad and crying...then happy again, and drop to depression quickly...I have then been getting VERY angry at least 1x a day. Such a roller-coaster of moods. I feel so out of control.

If anyone else out there suffers from any and all of these problems I would love to hear from you. I think the anxiety-panic attacks, anger, and depression are the ones really getting too me. Sorry I have just rambled on, I am just so frustrated.

Thank You for listening...
Your Healingwell Friend,

Anxiety, Manic-Depressive, Bipolar2, Borderline, PTSD, OCD, Loop ileostomy, Bladder Lift, Hysterectomy, Colon & Bladder both fell out of body...too many things to list.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 6/17/2011 10:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Serenitee, I am sorry to hear of your situation. I can't say that I am going through the same things, but I wanted to let you know that your not alone. I have been going through the rollercoaster of feelings here as of late, and its just terrible. Happy one min and upset the next. Atleast your in the right place and someone will come along and give you better support and advise than I can.

I just know that I can't continue to feel this way and my Dr is trying some meds with me so that I can find some control. He just started me on Nortriptyline and I'm not really sure what I think of it. I also have Xanax for when I really start to "flip" out.

Good luck and I hope someone can give you some better info.

Dx: Herniated disk in my neck C6-C7, Degenerative disc disease and arthritis in my neck, sciatica, RLS, migraines and post-op RNY gastric by pass and depression.

Meds: Oxy, Nortriptyline, percocet, norco, xanax(as needed), sinement, topamax, imitrex, and paxil

Personal: Single mom 43yrs old to three children- two girls 5 and 13 and my son 16yrs old. I work fulltime.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 463
   Posted 6/18/2011 2:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Luckflowers, thank you for responding back. Its nice to have someone tell me I'm not alone. Really trying to fight my depression with self talk. Not sure who is winning...Lol I hate when those terrible Borderline thoughts come in to mind. I mean like having any of the 9-symptoms of Borderline. I kind of feel like I'm regressing and going backwards, as if my 9-months of Psychiatry appointments and medications that have been tried has all been for nothing. I would think by now I wouldn't still have such self-image and self-dislike problems.

I don't know if any of this makes any sense, but thanx for listening and letting me vent.

Your Healingwell Friend,

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2011
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 6/18/2011 2:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Serenitee, I happen to be someone who knows exactly what you're talking about. I admit I don't have all of these problems, but the major ones for you are also happening to me. Mainly, panic attacks and failing to sleep for fear of them. I've even had the misfortune to suffer one while IN a dream.

I'm familiar with bipolar disorder too, as both my father and my sister have it. I'm not sure to what degree, but I've seen the instant mood changes and it can be scary.

I also understand the desperation to make it stop... I was put on anti-depressants by my doctor and along with some MUCH needed life changes, I'm starting to feel better.

Are you putting enough focus on your own recovery? I ask this because in my case, I had an emotionally-abusive or at least "stressful" boyfriend and once I detached myself from him, I was able to take better control of myself.

I also know that frequent exercise can have an almost magical effect on your spirits, in a positive way of course. You have something to focus on, and no time to damage yourself with thoughts or whatever it is that might trigger your bad moods / anxiety.

My e-mail is in my profile if you feel you want someone to talk to. I'll also be around these forums of course.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20119
   Posted 6/18/2011 2:45 AM (GMT -6)   
hi jamie here. former borderline personality disorder around 13 yrs. all 9 as well. went into a inpatient program for 6 months. so i get you. did DBT. is an excellent treatment, the newer treatment is CAT. i am dx with rapid cycling bi-polar disorder, which incorporates a mixed mood state, so i am all over the shop!!! now emotionally unstable personality disorder and schizo-affective-more and adjunct dx. (old) i try to go with the flow, darn hard when you are all over the place, different moods, angry, happy, elated, crashed, depressed, dispondent and all in a rapid cycling fashion. just know that i am here for you. struggling at the moment to type, extremely dispondent and angry, why???? just am and that is the bloody illness. sending many healing compassionate thoughts your way serenitee. keep talking with your doc, and keep posting.



getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42224
   Posted 6/18/2011 7:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

I think you need the benzos if you are having severe panic attacks. You can take xanax as needed, it doesn't have to be every day. And ativan works good too on panic attacks. I sure do hope that they give them too you. I have been taking xanax for probably over 20 years and never had an addiction problem with it. And I have an addictive personality. I hope they give you something to help. Anxiety attacks are no fun at all. Think about learning meditation. It really helps get control.

Best wishes my friend,

Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies
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