Hi all, let me introduce myself, my name is Julie and i am 33 years old. All my problems started 16 months ago with the dramatic birth of my son and he now has brain damage and other health issues. For that I feel like it is all my fault to have a son with issues, while going thru all this with him I also have a husband who is disabled and unable to work and I take care of him. Well I have had a hard time accepting my sons health issues and dealing with that and then on May 24, 2011 my parents house was struck by a tornado which ended with not only losing my childhood home by my mothers life. Since that day I've been unable to cope with anything, I find myself getting angry about everything, then crying the wanting to just waste away. I try my best to hold together for my fathers sake and my sons. Honestly my son is the only thing keeping me going right now. I'm scared tho that one day i'm going to snap and yell at him for no reason then he will be scared of me. Now please note that i would NEVER hurt anyone in my family including myself, I just like to yell, if that makes any sense. But I want to feel normal again to be the wife my husband once had and to be the best mother to my son. I can't do that right now tho cause it seems if I try to go on with normal everyday life, something reminds me of what happened to my mother. I find myself thinking about the whole thing over and over again, trying to figure it out, like I can change things. I also find myself angry at her and my father for letting this happen. I know that people lose loved ones everyday, and I accept that, but for me the way she went is what is throwing me off and then to have to deal with a sick child makes it worse. Is what I'm feeling normal?? I know that I need to seek help to release these issues from inside me. I know that its not normal to keep them bottled up, but I do so know one see me weak. I'm sure this is scattered and doesn't make much sense but its the best way for me to explain what I'm feeling at the moment.
Thank you all for your time!