Posted 6/19/2011 10:36 PM (GMT -7)
Mike based on what you have written I think it all comes down to that you and your wife are simply wrong for each other, and if you feel it is important to know who is responsible for it not working out then the answer to that is you both are. At this point though I think it is more important for you to pull yourself together and move on, and believe me when I say that I know all to well how that is easier said than done.
When I went through my divorce I sank into a hole inside of myself for months. I became distant to everyone around me, rarely ate, got drunk several nights a week and on the nights I didn't get drunk I still had a few drinks. I went through the entire gambit of it was all her fault, it was all my fault, it was everyone's fault, etc. In the end though I realized it was both our faults and that we never should have gotten married in the first place and that it was the ghosts from our past and how they influenced us in the present is what blinded us to the fact we were wrong for one another. Those realizations though did not come until I pulled myself out of the hole I dug and hid in and started to really live once again and I was not able to do that until I realized it really did not matter what went wrong or why it went wrong but what mattered was moving forward.
While I did not have a child with her I did have a child who needed me and that I was not doing him any good being down, drinking and in general not taking care of myself. For me, my son was the first step in climbing out of that whole. The other steps were work, family, and friends, and last but not least, myself. It took me almost 6 months before I started feeling truly human again, and I had to find things to do to distract me whenever I started feeling down again, but I persevered and took it one day, and sometimes one minute, at a time.
Mike, I strongly suggest finding someone to talk to. Someone who can help you work through your feelings and help you turn your depression, anger, etc into a resolve that will see you though this. If you are actually attending a real school and not an online one they probably have counselors on staff and that would be a good place to start, and talking to someone who does not know you or your wife and who does not have any emotional interest or ties to either of you would be best right now really as they will be able to give you honest, non judgmental feedback.
In the meantime think about your daughter. No matter what happens between you and your wife she needs both her mommy and her daddy, and she needs to know that this is not her fault and that you both love her more than anything else in the world. No matter what your wife may say to her or how you feel do not bad mouth your wife to your daughter. Take the high road and if you are unable to say anything nice about her then don't say anything at all. Your daughter will see and understand one day who is doing what (if it comes to that) and will do so sooner that you can imagine. Show your little girl how much you love her by being there for her and giving her your attention. You don't have to be living there with her to do this.
One more thing in regards to your daughter. Regardless of what your wife says in regards to you visiting her get it on paper. Don't take any chances with your wife one day trying to use you seeing your daughter as some kind of weapon against you.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.